


Dream Lover

by MyMuseMyrtle



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2017-11-06 11:43:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 72,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/418511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyMuseMyrtle/pseuds/MyMuseMyrtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This picks up right where Chapter One ended. Enjoy! xoxo</p></blockquote>





	1. The Moment

**Chapter 1 - The Moment**

This train has been my sanctuary for the last two years. Every morning I enjoy the ride into Manhattan, excited about what the day ahead might bring. Every night I use the calm of the ride home to reflect on the day's events and plan for tomorrow. I cannot handle any distractions on my train.

I squirmed in my seat. For the first time ever, the air felt too hot, the seat too small and the lights too bright. One week, it had only been one week and already I'm a mess. That was five days of preoccupation, during which time I have had the same recurring dream, resulting in less sleep than my skin was happy about. I've had to increase my concealer and skin creams, just to mask the dark circles forming under my eyes. This has never been a problem before.

Okay, that's a lie. Now I'm lying to myself too. It had been a problem, almost exactly 6 years ago. And dammit, all that lost sleep was not worth it in the end. It wouldn't be this time either, I'm sure of it. Especially since I seem to be the only one perturbed by this particular change of circumstance.

But that damn dream.

* * *

"Excuse me. Sir." The conductor stops right in front of me. I will myself to make eye contact with him. He hesitates for a moment, leaving the _sir_ hanging in the air. I feel the desperate need to fill the space. So I state my name, as it seems like a logical insert, "Kurt."

This appears to be the confirmation he was looking for, as he then continues boldly, "There seems to be problem with your ticket. Would you mind coming with me?" The question at the end is said more as a command. I feel that I have no other option than to rise from my seat, slightly flushed, and follow him down the narrow train aisle.

I can hear my heart beat pounding in my ears. The heat that had immediately tainted my cheeks remains firmly in place, drawing blood from other vital parts of my body. I can feel my fingers losing their blood flow and turning to ice.

I stare at the conductor's back because there really is nowhere else for my eyes to look. The gray uniform is a horrible shade against his skin tone but obviously he had no say in this fashion decision. And even though the colour does not suit him at all, the fit is rather flattering. His shoulders are broad without being too wide and the shirt is tucked in, revealing a slender waist. I can't bring myself to look any lower, so I flick my eyes upward again and examine the strength that is evident in his arms, even as they swing minutely at his sides as he walks ahead of me.

He stops abruptly. I almost crash into his backside, but quickly catch myself. He swings a small door to our left open and steps in. I move a step forward, confused as to what is happening. He grabs my arm and pulls me inside. A small gasp escapes my lips before the door is locked behind me. My eyes blink as I try to focus into the dimly lit room. Well, its more of a small closet with a few cleaning supplies resting neatly in the corner. I never even knew the room was here because its clearly a staff only area.

My back is pressed against the door. There is barely enough room in here for both of us. The conductor's breath is hot against my neck because he is a couple inches shorter than me. The pounding in my ears has not let up, I'm sure any second that my heart is going to burst an ear drum. He must feel it, hear it. Know that he's causing it.

And then he's there. Right in my face. His lips are parted and he closes the gap between us quickly. My eyes flutter closed and I feel the softness of his lips caress mine before he pulls back. My lips desperately search out his, but he pulls back even further. I can see the small teasing smile on his face. Then he steps backward, only an inch, but just enough so that there is no physical contact between us. I know what he's doing, I can read it in his gorgeous eyes. This is my chance, my choice. He's shown me that he's interested and now he's giving me an out.

This is the moment, the one that I will replay in my head a thousand times. Every time that my world is bursting with love and joy, and every time its dark and painful. Will the choice I make be the right one? Does it matter? Did I really have a choice at all?

I feel like an eternity passes between us. That time no longer matters, not the amount of time behind us nor the amount that stretches ahead untainted. I know its only been a second and I know he can read everything in that second that flashed in my eyes. He remains unwavering. His eyes are steady and focused on me.

I do not need to think. My heart and my head are in agreement. My hands move in a flash and twist into his hair. I pull him forward as he steps fully into my personal space. There is no gap between our bodies as he molds his to fit into mine. The kiss is everything it needs to be.

My dream flashes inside my head as we break apart, both gasping for air. Only one sound escapes my lips, _Blaine_.

* * *

**Chapter One Notes:** Thank you for reading this opening chapter. I know its short and it creates more questions than it gives answers. I promise all will be revealed in time. Let me hear your thoughts. xoxo


	2. The Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up right where Chapter One ended. Enjoy! xoxo

**Chapter Two - The Note**

My dream flashes inside my head as we break apart, both gasping for air. Only one sound escapes my lips, _Blaine_.

"I'm right here Kurt." Blaine purrs warmly against my neck, as he nuzzles a spot with his mouth. I can feel his fingers digging painfully into my hips. The sensation helps to ground me in this moment.

My fingers tighten their grip on his hair. His dark curls twisting around my familiar fingers like a vine. I have missed this feeling. His hair is just long enough that it curls on its own but not too long that he needs to use product to control it. I feel that this is a huge improvement over his zealous use of hair gel during high school. I tug upward and he brings his mouth back to meet mine. This kiss is nothing like the other one. We both communicate our longing with our lips and our desires with our tongues. I battle him for dominance momentarily, before letting him win. A moan escapes from the back of his throat as he feels me submit. My backing down was worth it just to hear that sound emanate from him. I honestly never thought I would hear it again, and it still has the exact same response on my body as it did when we were young and foolish. All my blood rushes into my groin.

I feel a breeze as air comes swirling around my face, whining softly at the loss of contact. Blaine quickly remedies the situation by kissing my neck. I feel his hands tugging at my shirt and then I feel his scorching fingers ghost over my stomach and up to my chest. He teases my nipples with his fingertips and its my turn to moan into the space between us. His hands quickly fly downward and begin to unhook my belt. My world stops spinning and I freeze for a second. This is moving fast, faster than I usually move. I've never been one to throw myself around. Blaine feels me tense, his hands hover above the button of my now too tight jeans. He's looking up at me. I can see him begging me to trust him with his smoldering hazel, lust filled eyes.

This time my body and heart are at war with my head. No part of me seems to be on the same page and its hard to think through a decision when your brain feels deprived of oxygen from our kisses and all your blood is throbbing in your dick. But this is Blaine, I remind myself. The love of your teenage life, Blaine. The break your heart when he doesn't fight for you, Blaine. The haunt your dreams till you wake up screaming his name, Blaine. The still sexy as fuck Blaine, who is offering to suck you off in a supply closet on a moving train on your way to work, Blaine. It really doesn't get any better than this. And if I never see him again, I ask myself. Well, at least I had this moment with him, which is more than I ever thought I'd have again.

I thrust slowly upward, so that my button is now firmly in his grasp. He doesn't hesitate, he doesn't ask if I'm sure. He unhooks my pants and has them, and my briefs, puddling at my feet in seconds. And then his mouth is on my cock. I tremble at the familiar yet somehow new feeling of his tongue as it glides up and down slowly. He groans softly as he tastes my pre-cum, lapping it up like a dehydrated man in the desert. Maybe I was wrong to think that I was the only one impacted by our paths crossing again. I can't follow that thought with anything else coherent though because he's now swallowed me whole. I can feel the tip of my dick as it hits the back of his throat and oh god, its been too long. Blaine begins a swift pace of bobbing across the entire length of my cock. He's probably even more aware than I am of how many minutes we have before this train pulls into the station. I don't really care at this point, I just want to stay in this too hot closet with my dick down the throat of my high school boyfriend, who seems to remember ever lick and twist that drives me wild. I resist the urge to scream his name, although my dream is quickly becoming my reality. I just don't know how sound proof this room is. So instead I moan and wail into my arm, hoping to muffle the obvious sounds of sexual joy escaping my lips. One final drag of his teeth and I'm cumming hard down his throat. He always was good at swallowing.

Blaine pulls my underwear and pants upward as he stands. I quickly tuck everything back into place and straighten myself the best that I can. He waits until I'm done shuffling around and then he kisses me again. And oh, there's the taste of me mingled with the taste of him and this is the moment my knees go weak. He feels me swoon and steadies me gently with a small chuckle and a tight grip on my elbows. Normally I would be embarrassed by that overly dramatic response to a kiss, but again, its Blaine and he just gave me a fantastic blow job. I think I'm entitled to a little swooning.

I hear the train engineer's voice over the loud speaker, announcing that we'll be arriving at my station in 10 minutes.

"I need to get back out there." Blaine says softly in my ear.

"Of course." I try to keep my voice level. There are no uncomfortable inflections about what the hell just happened and whether it will ever happen again. And what does it all mean? Although that last one is screaming inside my head so loud I'm sure he'll overhear the thought just by being this close to me.

I feel Blaine's hand slip something into my back pocket. I assume its my train ticket, since that was his rouse in the first place. Then he kisses me softly on the neck and unlocks the door. The light streams in quickly and we both make our exit. I walk slowly back to my seat, fighting the urge to look behind me the entire time to see if Blaine is still there, watching me.

* * *

I blink rapidly. I don't recall how I got here. I don't even remember getting off the train. Thankfully my body was able to walk itself here on autopilot. I quickly try to regain my composure and step up to the counter.

"Morning gorgeous. How was your date last night?" I ask my favourite barista as I swipe my Starbucks card. I don't need to ask for my Grande Non-fat Mocha. I've been coming here every morning for months now, she knows the drill. Besides, somethings never change. Like how Blaine uses his tongue to...whoa, okay, undapper thoughts of Blaine are not helpful right now. Focus please.

"Awful. He thought _Wicked_ was a heavy-metal band. I walked out before we were even done our appetizers." Stacey flicks her hand in the air, signalling that its no big deal. But my post-train high is dampened just a little bit. I really had high hopes for her this time.

"Your Fiyero is out there somewhere, searching for his Elphaba. We'll find him, I promise." I reach across the small counter and squeeze her hand. I hear the patron behind me huffing impatiently. Stacey flashes me her golden smile. Okay, she's really more of a Glinda, but with the emotional depth of Elphaba.

I pick up my coffee and walk the final three blocks to work. I enter the auditorium. I stand still and enjoy the silence. One perk to arriving at work so early, is having an entire theatre all to yourself. But today is not the day to stand up on stage and belt out _Don't Cry for Me Argentina_ into the empty space.

I ease my way to the back of the stage and toward the sanctity that is my office. Once I'm safely inside with the door locked, I feel my heart rate increase. I place my coffee on my desk and slowly reach into my back pocket. I know I'm being ridiculous, but I waited this long, on the off chance that it isn't just my ticket. I remove the small slip of paper and immediately a huge grin spreads across my face. Written neatly in block letters is _Blaine Anderson_ and his phone number. I flop into my chair, relief washing over my entire body. He wants to see me again.

I toy with the paper in my hands. I turn it over and there are instantly tears pooling in my eyes. On the other side is a short message, written in a script I would recognize anywhere. A hundred love notes flash before my eyes. Notes we had passed to each other in the halls and classes of Dalton and then, after my return to McKinley, the ones I would find hidden in my backpack. I allow myself a moment to dwell in the past, to remember how my breathing would increase, my heart trying to pound its way out of my chest every single time I saw his handwriting. Then I quickly blink a couple of times and the tears are erased. I focus on what he has written: _Kurt, Fate has given us a second chance. I will not let it pass us by. Will you? All my love, Blaine_


	3. The Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading this story. It started as a simple scene on the train that I wanted to share. I struggled a bit with this chapter, trying to decide where I wanted to take this. Kurt wanted to tell you everything right away. Sorry, but I overruled him and rewrote this three times. I'm dying to know what you think.
> 
> Disclaimer: Glee is not mine, but some of this story is. You'll be able to tell the difference.

**Chapter 3 - The Phone Call**

I sat fixated in my chair. I don't know how much time had passed since I'd first arrived at the theatre. It didn't matter. My ambitious plans for the day disappeared the second Blaine said "Excuse me" this morning. I just couldn't function properly now. That supply closet had been my own personal Pandora's Box. All the memories that I had tucked safely away in a hope chest in my brain, had sprung free. I was now sitting in my office, while the history of Blaine and I swirled around my head. I felt like someone had shaken a snow globe of our relationship and I could now reach up and pick a moment from the air, hold it in my hand and feel the glow of our previous love. I saw us singing _Baby Its Cold Outside_ , flirting shamelessly with each other, before we were even a couple. I reached up and grabbed another and was rewarded with our first kiss. I can still taste the coffee on Blaine's lips and smell the gel in his hair. I exhale, trying to blow the memory away and find that I'm surrounded endlessly in smells, flavours and touches that I had thought I'd forgotten. But in truth, I just would not let myself remember, because swirling in all those memories, is the one moment when our snow globe suffered a small crack. Like the first crack in a windshield. You can ignore it for awhile but eventually it spreads and obstructs your vision, so that all you can see is that line of broken glass. Our moment, the one that changed the course of our relationship, was when Blaine rejected my request that he transfer to McKinley for my senior year. In hindsight, it was the most selfish request I could have made, but I was young and in love. I never stopped to think about everything I was asking him to give up, and that all I could offer in return was myself, for one year. I was foolish to think that that would be enough. He was smarter than me and I never forgave him for that. The path we followed after that decision was the wrong one. I held onto my resentment, letting the crack obscure my vision, slowly chipping away at the foundation of our relationship, until eventually, it shattered.

Knock, knock.

"Hey, why is your door locked?" Rachel's voice breaks me from my tortuous trip down memory lane.

"Hold on a sec." I stand up and stretch. My body is grateful for the movement. My knees crack as I step toward the door. I unlock it and step back, so that she can move inside. Then I close and lock the door again. Rachel turns to look at my quizzically when she hears the lock slide back into place.

The look on her face changes quickly though, once I meet her eyes. A small "o" forms between her lips. I nod slightly and brush past her, grabbing the coffee she has in her outstretched hand for me and move over to the couch. My body gives a slight sigh of relief that I did not sit down again in my desk chair as I settle down into the soft fabric of the couch cushion.

Rachel sits down quickly beside me, kicks off her shoes, tucks her legs underneath herself and then says, "Spill."

I take a slow drink from my second non-fat mocha of the day. Watching Rachel out of the corner of my eye. She doesn't look that different from our days at McKinley. Her hair is styled the same, despite my many attempts to bribe her hairdresser to whack it all off without Rachel's consent. I just feel she'd look the part of New Yorker more if her dark tresses were razor-edged into a stylish bob. She refuses, saying that she has enough of a New York attitude, she doesn't need the haircut too. I usually acquiesce because honestly, she really has blossomed in this city. We both have.

"He was working on my train again today." Rachel nods enthusiastically at this news. "We um, interacted." I'm not really sure that I'm ready to admit to letting Blaine give me a blow job before he and I had even exchanged pleasantries. Well, it was certainly a pleasantry, but not the kind most people would approve of after not speaking to someone for 4 years.

"And?" She says, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow at me. Our eyes lock and I swear the entire interaction with Blaine is playing in my mind like a movie and she's watching every second of it. I hear her gasp, how the fuck does she do that? She swears I'm the only one she can read so clearly. She says its because we've known each other so long and been through so much. I doubt she's figured out he sucked my cock, but she can tell something way more intimate occurred than just two ex-boyfriends catching up.

A small sigh escapes my lips. On the one hand, I'm grateful every day to have Rachel as my best friend. Its so nice to just be able to look at a person and have them know exactly what you're thinking. Sure, I always thought I'd have that with a boyfriend but that hasn't worked out so well. Rachel is far more stable in my life than some stupid relationship anyway. But, sometimes it would be nice to keep a few things private. Like I said, she won't have seen the x-rated version of our exchange reflected in my eyes, but I know I'm about to be bombarded with questions I'm not sure I have the answer to.

"You kissed him." Okay, so its not said as a question, cause she already read my mind. She catches me off guard though when she squeals like a teenage girl and asks "What was it like? Was it just like you remembered?"

I can feel the blush forming on my cheeks before she even finishes her second question. "It was amazing. Exactly like I remember but better. I mean, its Blaine. What wouldn't have been fabulous about it." She nods along with my statement. And that's the best part of our relationship. She gets me. I don't have to use lots of explanation. I can say _its Blaine_ and Rachel knows what I mean. She knows everything.

* * *

We had been living together in a small apartment, a few blocks away from the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts (NYADA) campus, our freshman year. Finn had enrolled at New York University to study Sports Management and was staying in the dorms. Rachel and I wanted the full New York experience right from the start and thought an apartment was a better option. Plus, we didn't want to be distracted by the other Theatre majors. It was the right decision for us. Our friendship grew stronger as we relied heavily on each other for moral support and critique of our performances. We promised to always be brutally honest with each other and although it resulted in many a diva meltdown from both of us, it pushed us further than any one else could imagine. The first four months flew by and before we knew it, we were all flying home to Ohio for Christmas break. Rachel and I were blissfully unaware at the time, that we would return to New York in January with our hearts broken. Finn had decided that New York was not somewhere he wanted to be. He broke up with Rachel and remained in Ohio with my Dad and Carole. My relationship with Blaine didn't fare any better. I broke up with him, breaking my own heart in the process before we returned to New York. Rachel and I mourned the loss of our first loves together. Solidifying our status as best friends and growing closer than we had ever been. We threw ourselves into our studies and quickly flew to the top of our class.

A few months later, we developed a strong bond with a student always close on our heels for top spot and became affectionately known as the _Trifecta of Talent_. Well, it was an affectionate nickname in our heads, perhaps not quite so positive in the minds of our jealous classmates.

* * *

A loud banging at my office door shakes me out of my reverie. I recognize the impatient banging and know that our trifecta is about to be complete, and that I will have my two best friends to help me sort out what to do about Blaine.

"Hey, why is this locked? Kurt, are you okay? Let me in." Harmony yells through the door, her voice a mix of concern and agitation.

Rachel jumps up and hurries to the door in her stocking feet. She ushers Harmony in and then locks the door again.

Harmony glances between the two of us. A sense of awareness spreads across her face and she pulls up a chair, so that her knees are brushing against mine. She reaches across and squeezes my thigh. "Whatever happened, I'm so happy for you. Just the ability to reconnect with him, even if it was one time, should bring you some peace."

Her statement is so quintessentially Harmony that I feel tears form in my eyes. She is generous with her love and guidance. She has always been the perfect balance to Rachel and I. Harmony can be a diva with the best of us, but she is grounded in a way that I am still searching for.

"Oh my god, you're going to see him again. Right?" Rachel's voice has a slight hint of panic to it.

"I um, yeah, I think so. He gave me his number. So yeah, I probably will." I don't know why I'm stuttering, I already know damn well that I'm going to call him. In fact, if I hadn't thought it too obsessive, I would have called him the second I read his note this morning.

"Of course you're going to call him." Harmony says coolly.

An internal debate immediately begins in my brain about reading them his note. Its a private message from Blaine, I'm not sure how he would feel about me sharing it with my girlfriends. On the other hand, when I'm an emotional wreck about however things are proceeding between Blaine and I, it would be helpful to have them aware of his intentions, so they can remind me. I'm going to need them in the coming weeks, no matter how sure I am about my feelings for Blaine, this is going to be a bumpy road. They will help me keep my final destination in sight when I'm too scared to move forward or try to detour. So I silently slip the piece of paper out of my pocket and hand it to Harmony. She reads the heartfelt message and without a word hands it to Rachel.

"So there's that." I say to neither of them specifically.

"Wow. He really is a romantic. Clearly that hasn't changed after all these years. He uses the word _love_ already too. I always worried that you were misguided in the strength of your feelings for him, since I never saw you together. I never should have doubted your teenage heart. Sometimes it knows better than our adult mind about what we need." Harmony smiles warmly at me and takes my hand. "Call him tonight. You both desire this."

* * *

I think about Harmony's words as I'm lying on my bed. My phone in one hand, Blaine's note in the other. I close my eyes and I can see the look in his eyes that morning on the train. I feel the pull toward two pools of golden amber begging me to trust him again. And really, that was the most important message he needed me to hear. Trust. Something I lost on that cold December day and never fully regained. Not in him, not in myself. I need to find a way to trust myself now, to know that I'm making the right decision. I open my eyes and dial his number.

He answers on the second ring, "Hello."

Its never a question from Blaine, like how so many other people answer their phone, but rather a greeting. From that simple word, I can tell that so few things about him have changed. He is still the warm, caring person I fell so deeply in love with.

"Its Kurt. Hi." I try to sound as self-assured as him, working hard not to raise my voice at the end, so my greeting is sure footed and not questionable.

"Hi. I'm so glad you called me." I can hear a smile in his voice. "I was hoping you would. Can we get together? Um, to talk, not to uh, you know, be together." Okay, so he's not completely, perfectly put together. I breath a sigh of relief. Its good to know that I'm not the only one a little freaked out right now.

"Yeah. I'd like that." My heart is racing so loud in my chest again, I'm not sure I hear him correctly when he replies with "Is tomorrow too soon?" I chuckle and need to repeat "Tomorrow?" for clarification.

"Yeah, I was thinking we could meet for lunch. I have a gig tomorrow night, so dinner won't work for me. I also didn't want you to think that I'd assume you were free on a Saturday night with such short notice. I'm sure you have lots of friends and a busy life and...oh god, I'm rambling. Sorry Kurt. So, would tomorrow lunch be okay?" Blaine stops and I can hear him catching his breath and shuffling around.

My heart beat calms down as his awkwardness puts me at ease. I can do this. Its just Blaine. "Lunch would be perfect." I reply simply.

"Great. I'd really like to pick you up at your place, if that's okay?" I can tell he's working really hard not to ramble again and wait patiently for my response.

"Wonderful. I'm in Brooklyn Heights." I'm a little hesitant, since I don't know where he's coming from. It might be a long journey.

"I know." He chuckles to himself.

I do a mental facepalm, because of course he knows, he's seen me on my train into the city proper for five mornings. Obviously, I live in Brooklyn. I provide him with my street address.

"See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams." Blaine says softly and hangs up.

I put my phone and his note down on my nightstand. I'm already in my pajamas, so I wiggle under my covers. The sound of his voice fills my head and I wonder if maybe tonight, the dream really will be sweet.

* * *

 **Chapter Three Notes:** Okay, so I gave you a few answers, but lots more questions still remain. Please don't hate me. We're getting there, I promise. Also, I'll provide more details about Harmony as the story goes on. Just know that despite what she said at Sectionals, in this story, she is the same age as Rachel and Kurt. I'd love to read your thoughts, please share them in a comment. xoxo


	4. The Beach

**Chapter 4 - The Beach**

I roll over in my bed and before I even open my eyes, I know something is wrong. There is too much light streaming into my room. My eyelids are glowing. I take a sneaky glance at my alarm clock and then bolt upright in bed. Its 10:54 am. This is shocking news. I have never slept this late. Like ever. Usually my dream wakes me around 6 am when I start screaming. But I didn't have a dream last night. At least not one I can remember right now. I start to hyperventilate when I realize I have an hour to get ready before Blaine arrives for our lunch...date. Is it a date? I don't know, I think so. I hope so.

I can't think about it right now. I have to get ready. I jump from my bed and scurry into my living room. Thankfully, I keep my small apartment tidy, so I don't have to worry about straightening up before he arrives. I glance around quickly and immediately feel calmer. I love my apartment. I decided during the summer between junior and senior year at NYADA that I needed a place of my own. Rachel thought I was crazy when I told her I was looking in Brooklyn. She said she would never leave Manhattan again. I support her decision but it wasn't the right one for me. I pay almost $800 less in rent a month than she does. She doesn't mind because she's happy shopping at the Gap and scoring the occasional designer piece of clothing at a deep discount. I, on the other hand, will not sacrifice my superior taste in fashion just so I can have the right address. Besides, I adore the quieter streets of my neighbourhood and the train ride into the city everyday. Oh, the train. Oh, Blaine. Right, I'm suppose to be getting ready. Crap.

I walk into my kitchen to make a quick cup of coffee. Surely I have time for that. While my Keurig prepares a latte, I admire my apartment once more. It really is my own private oasis. I knew the second I step foot into this place that it would be my home. The floors are a pale wood, almost the colour of sand. I used that as the inspiration for my interior design. I chose a bright, yet pale shade of blue for the walls in the living room. The kitchen is a sunny yellow. The over sized windows all have billowy white curtains, with blackout blinds behind, because this may be Brooklyn but the neon signs still do not sleep. All my large pieces of furniture are earth tones, like rocks you'd find at the beach. I think the thematic design of my apartment is obvious and wonderful. Yet none of my guests has ever commented on it. I don't know if its because its so obvious they'd feel stupid saying something or if its gone completely unnoticed. Heck, I even found a soft fleece blanket with bright multi-colour stripes that I use as a throw on the sofa. It reminds me of the beach towels you see in old movies.

I grab my latte and head back into my bedroom. I figure I should choose an outfit before I shower. I hate standing around feeling cold, while I debate with myself about the best combination of clothes for the day's activities. It really should be an easy choice today, a lunch date is so much simpler than an evening one to dress for. Its a beautiful September day, so I choose a thin blue cashmere sweater, its the perfect compliment to my eyes. This is not vanity, it is fashion sense. Part of knowing what will look good on you is knowing why. I grab my favourite pair of skinny dark blue jeans and a simple black belt. I debate about adding a scarf, but think it will look overly fussy for the middle of the day. I'll add my simple cream coloured fall coat on the way out the door and my black lace up boots that I've had since high school. Wonder if Blaine will recognize them? Oh, there is so much I wonder right now...

* * *

I'm just pulling my sweater over my head, being extra careful not to disturb my perfectly styled hair, when I hear my buzzer go. I glance at my clock - 11:56 am - well, he's still as punctual as ever. I run over to my intercom and buzz him in, run back to my room and pull on my pants, then run to the door to let him in.

I fling the door open before he even has time to knock. "Hey, I still need a minute. Come in and make yourself comfortable. Be right back." I rush into my bedroom before he can really check out my outfit and before I can check out his. I hear the apartment door close and him walk over to my couch to have a seat.

I stand in front of my full-length mirror and take a few deep breaths. Blaine is sitting in my living room. Blaine is sitting in my living room. Blaine is...okay the breaths are not working to calm my heart down or lessen the flushed look of my face. I meet my own eyes in the mirror and see them sparkling with excitement. I never dared to hope that this day would come. I had him in my dream every night, so I never imagined that I could have him in reality as well. Things just don't work out like that. Do they?

I give myself one final nod of approval and walk back into my living room. Blaine is sitting with perfect posture on my couch. I can't help but wonder if its nerves or something else that has kept him from reclining into a more comfortable position. He actually stands when he catches sight of me entering the room. I'm delighted to see that his manners are just as courteous as ever. Plus, now that he's standing, I can get a better look at what he's wearing.

We were clearly thinking along the same lines with respect to our attire today. He opted for a fitted black t-shirt that hugs his chest and shoulders in all the right places. Its a v-neck, so I can see just a few of his dark curly chest hairs poking out the top. The effect is extremely distracting to my brain. My eyes linger for a few extra heart beats before moving downward and perhaps, that wasn't the best direction to move in because his jeans are also black and fitted. They are not as tight as mine, but they still leave very little to the imagination and well, I don't really need to imagine do I. I remember quite well the perfectly shaped ass that is currently being hugged by that denim. I begin to think about his other perfectly shaped body parts tucked into those denim pants and my eyes automatically fly upwards. I do not want to blush in front him, at least not yet. It is inevitable, but I can try and put it off for a few more minutes. Our eyes meet. I had forgotten how bright they could shine when he's happy. He looks so happy right now and I feel my heart swell in my chest. A huge smile spreads across his gorgeous face causing the glow in his eyes to increase and now its like staring directly into the sun. I have to turn away. I break the connection and he sits down again. This time reclining fully.

"So do you have drinks with umbrellas in them to go with this beach motif, or is that something you save for special guests only?" He's laughing to himself about how clever his joke was.

I cross the room in four easy strides and throw myself at him. He's not expecting this response, heck I wasn't planning this as my hello. But he had me at _beach motif_. I crash my lips into his and straddle him on the couch. The kiss is all passion and heat. His hands are gripping my hips again, reminding me of the small bruises he had left there just the day before. I tangle my hands into his hair, which is completely gel free today. I feel the heat from our mouths begin to spread throughout my body. I pull back slightly, not ending the kiss but needing to see Blaine. There is a fire burning in his eyes, the amber glowing hot. Suddenly I feel that this isn't enough. I know my own eyes will look like the ocean during a storm, and the two elements, fire and water, collide between us. I feel myself drowning and burning at the same time as I am transported to a world where it is just me and Blaine. There are no rules of etiquette here or a history so filled with anguish that we should be crying on each other's shoulders. This is a world, where our heart's desire each other above all others and our skin craves a touch it had thought it would never feel again.

I thrust my hands up inside his shirt. I feel the firmness of his chest, how it has solidified since the last time I felt him. But even the contact of his flesh is not enough to calm the storm raging inside me. I suck hard on his neck, just under the collar of his shirt and trail my hands downward. Without a moment of hesitation and without asking permission, I undo the button and zipper of his fly. He lifts his hips upward, so that I can easily pull his pants and underwear downward. That's all the confirmation I need. I wiggle down his chest and whoa, someone had a growth spurt. Blaine actually chuckles at my blatant staring at his substantial cock. Two can play at this game, and I suck him into my mouth whole. Blaine's chuckle turns into a delicious growl as I lick from bottom to top. And oh god, the moment his pre-cum hits my taste buds my entire body hums. I have been searching for this taste for far too long, and with too many other men. My entire body is electrified, Blaine's cum acting like a drug that I had been in withdrawal from. I continue to lick and suck and Blaine begins to thrash and every memory of every blow job I had ever given him comes rushing back. I hallow out my cheeks and relax my throat. Then I reach under him and squeeze that perfectly shaped ass. He understands immediately, it had always been our signal, and he begins to fuck my mouth. His movements are slow at first, so I give him another squeeze and he picks up speed. I can feel tears prickling in my eyes and it isn't from any sort of pain but from the overwhelming feeling of being home, which is maybe the worst thing to think while a guy has their dick down your throat. _But its Blaine_.

I know this is wrong. Or at least, other people would think this is wrong. We haven't even spoken and yet we've now given each other blow jobs. I don't know what he does for a living but I know what his cock looks like. I don't know if he's happy with his life but I know what sound he makes when he's shooting cum down my throat. And for a moment, I don't care about what is right or moral or self-respecting. All I care about is that I'm on my knees in front of Blaine and he's writhing with a pleasure I caused. For those few moments, the heartache is healed and the love is whole.

I sit back on my heels when I feel his body relax. He quietly pulls up his pants and straightens his clothes. I can feel a strange awkwardness settle in the room and seep its way between us. Suddenly everything that seemed so clear only a few moments ago, is now clouded in a fog. I shake my head, trying to regain the clarity but the fog clings to every inch of my brain.

I stand up and sit on the couch beside Blaine. He looks like perhaps the uncertainty has spread to him as well. He blushes and smiles awkwardly. I'm instantly reminded of our teenage selves after our first kiss. He has the same bashfulness and awe reflected in his face.

"Should we go grab some lunch?" His voice is shaky and he doesn't meet my eyes.

"Yeah." I stand and make my way toward the door. He walks up behind me. I reach for my coat and he immediately takes it from my hands, holding it out for me to slip into. Always the gentleman. I open my apartment door and we walk out into the harsh light of reality.

* * *

 **Chapter Four Notes:** There is so much I want to say, but none of it matters more than what you're thinking right now. Please leave me a comment with your thoughts. This story could go in a few different directions, where do you see it going? Thank you. xoxo


	5. The Shadows

**Chapter 5 - The Shadows**

We step out of my apartment building. Blaine is, of course, holding the door open for me. I had forgotten how much is small acts of chivalry make me swoon. It just seems so effortless for him. I turn to say thank you, but my eyes catch a glimpse of a familiar shade of blue. I take a few steps forward. In the parking spot right in front of my building is Blaine's car. The last car I ever had sex in. The last place Blaine and I ever had sex. I can feel my face getting hot and its not from the sun glaring down at me. The scene starts to play in my head before I can stop it. We're parked in the corner spot of the Lima Bean parking lot. Its 1am in the morning, so there is no one around. It was meant to be romantic, but now it just sounds creepy. It was my last night in Lima before I left for New York. We couldn't get any time alone at one of our houses but that wasn't going to deter me from fucking my boyfriend one last time. It was a muggy August evening and our bodies are slick with sweat and cum...I blink rapidly, trying to erase the images. I can't think about it right now. I might start crying.

I hadn't heard Blaine step up behind me. I turn and almost crash into him. He places his hand on my arm to steady me. His touch is warm and comforting and just, different than the lust filled contact we've been having. I glance up and meet warm honey eyes looking at me with concern.

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. I've had to deal with..." He trails off and glances away, looking sad.

I know immediately what he was going to say. He's had to deal with it every time he gets in his car. I hadn't thought about that. In fact, I haven't spent a lot of time at all thinking about what it might have been like for Blaine. I left him behind. I had New York with all its bright lights and new places. I didn't have to see all the places we had fallen in love. I'm not sure I could have survived that. And then I wonder how Blaine did. Did he just avoid all the places? Did he go to them and cry and scream and swear at me? I know now, that he didn't just move on. I think I always thought he had. I think I always needed to think that he had. I couldn't know that I had been responsible for destroying even one small piece of this amazing man.

Now its my turn to apologize. I place my hand on top of his since its still resting on my arm. "No. I'm sorry." I try to convey that I'm apologizing for so much more than my thoughtless reaction to the sight of his car. I don't know if he hears it. It doesn't matter really. I get the sense that I'm going to have plenty of time to make it alright. His hand gives my arm a little squeeze and I am rewarded with a small smile and a brief twinkle in his eye.

"There's a great little Indian restaurant just around the corner. Do you just want to, um, walk over there?" As sorry as I am that he's had to deal with the car everyday for years, I'm not sure I can sit in it today. Walking seems like a much safer idea.

"Yeah, that sounds great. I rarely get to this area of town. So a new place would be nice." He replies casually and just like that he lets go of my arm, and we fall into step beside each other. Both of us immediately tuck our hands into our coat pockets. Clearly unsure what the protocol is.

* * *

We've ordered a few of my favourite dishes and the waiter has left us to ourselves. The restaurant is small and the tables immediately surrounding us are empty. I fiddle with my place mat. I'm sad the awkwardness has returned. I'm beginning to fear that the only time we're at ease with each other is when we have physical contact. This worries me.

Blaine shifts in his chair and then clears his throat. "I need to tell you something. I don't want to dwell in the past every time we see each other but there are things that need to be said. Today its my turn. Next time, you can tell me something you think I need to hear."

 _Oh, so there's going to be a next time_. For a second, that thought is almost more important than what he needs to tell me, because honestly, the future seems so much more significant right now than our past. But, I know that there are so many unresolved issues between us. I feel them trailing behind us, the dark shadows of choices we both made, threatening to block out the light in front of us.

"Why do I get the sense like you've given this a lot of thought?" I ask quietly, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"Because I have. I always intended to find you Kurt. I just, I never found the right moment and then before I knew it years had passed. And finding the right moment became harder. The train was truly serendipity. I meant what I said in my note, I wasn't going to ignore it." His eyes are staring right at me. He doesn't blink. His confidence is so damn sexy.

"Okay." I exhale softly. Giving him the go ahead to tell me what moment from our past he wants to resolve.

"I did not cheat on you." _Oh_. He still hasn't blinked. His voice is full of pain but also of pleading. He needs me to hear this, to understand. To know that I made the wrong choice. That I assumed the worst about him and us. That I was an idiot.

And I know it. I knew it the second I flew back to New York, a mere shell of my former self. I knew it when my heart shattered into a thousand pieces and never really put itself back together right. I had let every insecurity I ever had take over my brain and ignore what I knew to be true in my heart. I blamed the distance. The fact that we couldn't touch each other or see each other every day. But I had been wrong. I had been weak. Our love should have been stronger than all of that. I should have been stronger than all of that. Blaine deserved so much more.

I reach across the table and take his hand. I don't wipe at the tears that are falling down my face. "I know." My voice doesn't quiver. It is clear and full of reassurance. I need him to hear that. He has to know that it was my fault, not his.

Our food arrives at this moment. I let go of his hand but neither of us looks away from the other. I wipe at my tears. His eyes are shining with unshed tears of their own. The waiter leaves and we both blink.

"Good." Blaine replies softly. He reaches for a piece of naan and takes a bite.

I swallow hard a few times, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat. There really was nothing more important than those six words he said to me. I mean I had known, after it was too late, that he hadn't, but it was different hearing him say it. Watching the pain in his eyes and the honesty in his voice, I did need to hear it. I feel one of the dark shadows surrounding our table dissolve into the floor. There are still so many hovering around like Death Eaters waiting to suck all the joy from between us. I have faith though, that there will be time to destroy them. To find the light again.

I take a few deep breaths and reach for some butter chicken. We fall into an easy conversation now. I learn that Blaine has been in New York for three years. He stayed in Westerville for a year after graduating high school, saving money for New York. I knew why. Somethings never changed. His parents would never have supported him coming to New York. He did all this on his own. WE WERE SUPPOSE TO DO THIS TOGETHER - my heart screams at me before I can block the thought out of my head.

He drove to New York the fall of my sophomore year at NYADA. I can't believe he's been here for so long. That I could have found him. I mean I knew we had planned to conquer New York together but I guess I thought maybe his plans changed once I wasn't there. I was happy to hear that he still came to pursue his dream. That I hadn't broken him so much that he had lost that too.

He told me that he takes a few courses at NYU but mainly works as a train conductor and auditions for small parts in musicals around the city. He also has a weekly gig on Saturday nights singing at a small club, hence the lunch date. He asks if I'd like to come hear him one night and I nodded furiously. I would love that. Then he says something that takes my breath away.

"I know it won't be for a few weeks since your show is opening in a few days." He knows he's just given himself away. I can see the blush creeping up his neck and its adorable. But I can't focus on that right now because I'm freaking out a little. He has been doing all the talking. I know for a fact that I haven't told him anything about what I do for a living.

"Mr. Anderson, do I need to be concerned here that you're stalking me?" I try to make the comment light, to not scare him off. To not show him that while yes, I'm freaking out, but there's something else going on in my body right now. My heart is singing for joy. He's been keeping tabs on me. Yes, this should be disturbing as hell but its not. Its sweet and endearing. Its just so Blaine. Also, I have dreamt of him almost every night since we broke up. If anyone gets to win the award for creepy stalker of their ex-boyfriend, its going to be me. But I don't tell him this. Not today, anyway.

"Oh god. That was, just shit. I'm sorry Kurt. I was being honest earlier when I said I always intended to find you. I just, uh, forgot to mention that I had. I found you a few months after I arrived in New York." His eyes cast downward. I don't speak. I'm waiting for more, I know there is more. He doesn't disappoint. It all comes tumbling out. "I went to your NYADA performances. I saw you as Angel in _RENT_. You were amazing. Then the next year I saw you as Mr. Mistoffelees in _CATS_. You stole the show. That's part of the reason why I never approached you. I saw you up on that stage. You owned it. You looked so happy, so at home." He pauses, I'm holding my breath. "So at peace. I had never seen you like that before. And I was such a mess. I was practically homeless, living in a shit hole apartment. I had no steady work and I felt embarrassed. You were living the dream already. I was living a nightmare. I couldn't face you like that. I felt like you would just turn away. That I would never be able to have you see that I wasn't all the horrible things you had thought about me. I needed to get my life in order. I'm not saying its in order now, cause its not. You've achieved everything we ever hoped for. I'm not even close to that yet." He takes a shuddering breath and meets my eyes again. He's blinking rapidly, trying to stop the tears from falling.

 _Wow, just wow_ , is all I can think. I stare back. I see so much hope in his amber eyes. I know he's scared, I see that too. He just tore off a piece of his heart and laid it on the table between us.

The waiter comes to clear our plates. I'm grateful for his timing. I need a moment to gather my thoughts. My head is racing and my heart is pounding. I feel like this is another one of those moments. I have to say the right thing. I've let him down already too many times. I don't want to be that person any more. He's here. He's been here all along and I just didn't know it. Why didn't I know? I feel like I should have sensed him in the audience at my shows. Or just known the moment he arrived in New York. But honestly, I never allowed myself a second during the day to think about him. That's why the dream is so strong, so overpowering at night, when my subconscious rules my brain. There is no way to close this off any more though. I don't want to anyway. I have the chance now to redeem the biggest mistake of my life. I may not get him back, we might not be together in the future but just like him, I'm not going to let this chance pass me by.

I take a deep breath.

"Blaine, thank you for telling me. Thank you for the compliments about my performances. Hearing that you saw me and thought I was happy, means that I am a better actor than I realized. But you have it all wrong. Yes, I was happy up on that stage. I loved every second that I was singing and dancing. Those moments were wonderful. However, they were meaningless. The lights would go out, I'd take off my makeup and costume, and return to a life that was empty. I was really good at shutting off my emotions while performing. That was the only way I could succeed. But the pain and loneliness were always there, hidden beneath the makeup. I don't want you to think for a second that I was at peace. I know I broke your heart. I need you to know that I broke mine too and I never was able to find a way to repair it. I used that pain to push myself as hard as I could because if I didn't succeed here, then losing you, well, it just..." I can't breathe. I want to say more, but I just can't. I have never spoken these words out loud. I've barely even thought them. Failure was never an option because then I would have lost Blaine for nothing, but the success without him wasn't worth it either.

I let out a sob and collapse my face into my hands. Blaine gets out of his chair and comes around the table. He hasn't said anything. I don't know what he's thinking. He pulls me to my feet and wraps his arms around me. I lean into his shoulder, letting his warmth spread through my body. I feel myself relaxing in his embrace. The physical contact is better than any words at soothing my heart.

"Thank you." He whispers in my ear.

He guides me out of the restaurant and back toward my apartment. We stop at his car and he turns so that we're face to face. "I nee, um, want to see you again. Okay?" He seems so unsure about my response. I almost want to laugh, but that would be cruel. Of course, he's tentative, he's spent the last 4 years thinking he's not good enough for me. I plan to spend the rest of my lifetime proving him wrong.

"Yes. Is tomorrow to soon?" I smile at home coyly.

"It would have been perfect. But I already have plans that I can't cancel. What about Monday?" He raises an eyebrow at me. "Even if its just for a coffee." He adds the last part with such hope in his eyes.

"Coffee would be great. I assume you know where my theatre is." I can't help but tease him a little about the whole stalking thing. He nods shyly. "There's a Starbucks just down the street. Let's meet there around 2pm."

His shoulders visibly relax as I confirm the plans. This makes my heart hurt again. He's so rarely insecure and I know I caused this. I promise myself that I will find a way to fix it. Fix him. Fix me.

"Great. Oh, and I won't be on your train Monday morning." I try not to pout, but he sees it and a smile spreads across his face. "I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you. I was covering for a friend last week. I may have known where you worked but I didn't know where you lived until I saw you on the train. I couldn't believe it. All this time I'd been too scared to approach you and then there you were. Fate gave me the opening I had been too timid to find for myself."

He leans over and kisses the corner of my mouth. Then he gets into his car and drives away, leaving me standing alone with shadows and light swirling around me.

* * *

 **Chapter Five Notes:** Sigh. I find the angst hard to write but I didn't want to shy away from it. I feel they would never be able to ignore what transpired in their past, even if their love is still so obviously there. Do you agree? Disagree? Want more or less angst...let me know in your comments. Thanks xoxo


	6. The Diva

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Also, I have limited knowledge about the world of musical theatre and may make inaccurate or implausible statements to suit this story. Please just go along with it, its important to Kurt :)

**Chapter 6 - The Diva**

The rest of Saturday went by in a bit of a drunken haze. Well, except for the fact that I was mostly sober. The few cosmos I had with Rachel and Harmony that night weren't enough for me to get drunk. Yet my mind and body felt disconnected all day. I was going through all the right motions, but my mind was somewhere else. It didn't take a detective to figure out where. At least, that's what Rachel said when we met at _Jazz Hands_ (lame name for a bar, but frequented by NYADA students young and old) for a few drinks.

I had only planned to tell them that my lunch date with Blaine had gone well. Of course, such an evasive answer would not appease my besties. They were like two blood hounds on a hunt. Two cosmos and their knowing looks, and I was spilling my heart on the table for all to see.

Thinking back on it now, in the full light of day, I don't think I made a mistake. The mistake I made was 4 years ago, when I didn't share my thoughts and worries with anyone, not even Blaine. I let them eat away at me until I couldn't think straight and made heartrendingly terrible decisions as a result. I was working hard here to learn from those mistakes. This time, I was going to rely on my friends.

Rachel and Harmony had basically swooned over Blaine for the rest of the evening. I'm not sure how helpful they will actually be if I need guidance from them. Right now, he's the dream catch and I'm the fool of a fisherman who didn't use the right lure. I told them, I wasn't letting him go this time. They said I needed to put my money where my mouth was. So I bought them another round of drinks, apparently that wasn't what they had meant.

Funny though, neither of them thought that him stalking me was of any concern. Maybe because in this scenario I'm the bad guy and he was the heartbroken one. He was allowed to follow me around New York City pinning. I'm not sure it would have been as forgiving, if I had been doing the creeping.

That thought, about me being a stalker, had put an idea into my head that I had never entertained before. So here I sit, on this bright Sunday morning, latte in hand, staring at the _Google_ homepage.

I finally gather the courage to type in my search term. Two words. And then I wait.

 _Google_ does not disappoint.

There in black and white and colour, is a crash course in Blaine Anderson. I hesitate before clicking on the first link. _Am I really going to do this?_ I know he'd tell me anything I wanted to know about him, and I don't doubt that I'll ask him about it all eventually. But right now, I'm aching to see what I missed. What I could have had all along.

The first link is an old newspaper article from when the Warblers won Nationals during Blaine's senior year. I always figured they'd win. Blaine was a phenomenal lead singer and once New Directions lost Rachel, Finn and I, well lets just say, they didn't even win Sectionals that year. There are gorgeous pictures accompanying the article and I'm left breathless staring at Blaine in his blazer. He looks as beautiful as ever, but when I look closer, I see that something is just a little bit off. The sparkle in his eyes isn't as bright as it used to be. Nationals would have been only a couple of months after we brok...I dumped him. Anyone else wouldn't be able to notice, but I do. And this is the real reason I never googled him before. I didn't want to see the damage I'd caused. It helps now, to know that he's here, with me. But I can't erase the years of pain that he had to live through.

My hand freezes on my mouse. There are more links, but I can't bring myself to click on them. I think back to our conversation yesterday. I realize that Blaine got the _Google_ version of my life from stalking me. He saw all the major events, all the things that other people would know and see. From those few glaces, he made decisions about him and I that weren't based in reality. He decided that I was happy, and that he wasn't good enough for me now.

I will not do the same. I want to know every major event in his life over the last four years, but I also want to know all the intimate details between them. The things that no article on the web is going to be able to tell me. Those are the things that make him who he is today. Just like all my nights of crying, all my failed relationships and all my dreams of Blaine, are the honest reflection of who I am today. Those are the moments, the true tests of our character, that will decide if we belong together now.

* * *

"Oh my God Kurt," Stacey is whispering, loudly, while gripping my arm and basically pulling me over the counter. "There is a Greek God sitting over near your usual table. I almost fainted when he placed his order, his voice sounds like sex." I blush a little, because honestly, that's a very accurate statement. I had glanced around when I first walked into Starbucks, I know Blaine is already here. I also know, without even having to check out all the other guys in the coffee shop right now, that she's talking about him.

"Stace, I hate to break it to you, but he's gay." I look over my shoulder at Blaine and wink. The smile he gives me in return brightens the entire corner he's occupying.

I turn back around to look at Stacey. She is frozen in one spot. I can understand why, I'm not usually so forward with gorgeous men. "Stace, babe, breath." I snap my fingers in front of her face twice. That seems to do the trick. She's blinking rapidly at me, like I'm somehow out of focus in her mind right now.

"Babe, that's Blaine." Her eyebrows shoot for the ceiling and then she squeals.

"Kurt, he's so hot. Why would you ever walk away from that? Oh my god, you have to go over there and beg him to take you back." Her grip on my arm is now painfully tight.

I wiggle loose and kiss her cheek, because she's right. "I plan on it." I say honestly, meeting her gaze and smiling softly. She knows a little about the ex-boyfriend who I left behind in Ohio. She had a similar story of heartbreak when we met. I know she understands how I'm feeling right now.

I grab my non-fat mocha and sashay over to the small table Blaine has commandeered for us. "Come here often?" I tease as I sit down.

"Not often enough, apparently." He turns his coffee cup around so I can see that Stacey autographed his cup with her name and a little heart. _Oh Stace_.

"Yeah, I set her straight about you." I wink again. The pun is fully intended.

I am rewarded with another mega-watt smile. I will keep this playful banter up, if it means I get to watch him smile like that all afternoon.

"I'm guessing she's a friend of yours. Unless you go around kissing random girls all the time." His eyes twinkle at me.

Its my turn to laugh. "Definitely a friend of mine. This place is no Lima Bean, but some old habits die hard, or not at all I guess. I still needed my daily coffee fix."

"I was going to get you one. Ah, coffee I mean. I still remember your coffee order, but I thought it might be too forward. Or that maybe you don't still drink that." Blaine blushes and looks at his feet. My heart melts into my stomach.

"Its still a grande non-fat mocha." I nudge his foot with my own and he looks up at me then. "Would I have been able to get you a medium drip?"

That does the trick. He appears calm again and smiles. "Yeah, old habits." He shrugs.

We sit in a companionable silence, sipping our drinks. Starbucks is as crowded as usual, so we reach an unspoken agreement to keep the conversation lighter than our previous one. Talking about ourselves in the present is much safer and more conducive to nosy onlookers than talking about our past.

Blaine is clearly playing it safe when he asks, "Are you nervous about opening night?"

 _YES!_ I immediately feel my hand reach for the back of my neck. I know he recognizes the nervous gesture. It had taken some time to develop, but now it was basically instinctual. Previously, I had been like most other people, and would run my hands through my hair when anxious. The damage I'd do to my hair often caused me greater distress than whatever had triggered the anxiety in the first place. So I worked on rubbing my neck instead.

"Sorry. That was a stupid question. Of course you're nervous. Who wouldn't be." Blaine says sheepishly.

"Hey, no worries. Its not like I'm not always thinking about it anyway. You didn't just bring up some terrible thought that I'd hidden away in my brain." I nudge his foot again. He visibly relaxes back into his chair. I'm honestly surprised by how nervous he seems. I want desperately to put him at ease, so I figure rambling a bit about myself, might help distract him from whatever uncertainty he's currently feeling about being with me today.

"I think I'm so beyond nervous now that it doesn't even seem real. Like the nerves all decided to take charge and join forces. Now they're just this entity that exists in my body and every once in a while, they poke and prod and I have a mini-freakout but then they get dormant again, just waiting for their next chance to attack." Breathe. Okay, so apparently, I literally meant rambling, because there is no other way to describe what just came out of my mouth. I had been staring at my hands the entire time I was speaking, I glance slowly upward at him and notice that he's smiling fondly at me. He doesn't seem to mind the rambling and nods his head slightly, signalling for me to keep going.

"This is the one part of my life that seems to be working out better than I could have ever imagined. Rachel and I didn't know when we became friends with Harmony, well honestly, even Harmony didn't really know, that it would work out like this. We just banded together. Three kids from Ohio, who had a lot to prove. Even though Rachel and I had just won Nationals, we knew the other students thought we weren't a big threat. Those dismissive comments just fueled the fire and we were hell bent on succeeding. It wasn't until junior year that Harmony's uncle even approached her. By that time, we were the top three performers in our class and had just closed _Cats_ to the highest reviews any NYADA production had ever received." I stop to breathe again. I drink the chocolaty dregs of my coffee. That last mouthful is always so sweetly satisfying.

"Actually, can I ask you something about _Cats_?" Blaine says quietly. "Its been bugging me since I saw it."

"Sure. Of course, anything." I respond as casually as possible. Hoping he doesn't notice the increase in my heart rate.

"Well, you were a major lead in _RENT_ the year before. But you seemed to have such a small role in _Cats_. I guess, I just wondered why? You even said today that you were one of the top performers, why didn't they cast you in a bigger role?" He pauses. When I don't answer immediately, he starts backpedalling. "Sorry. If that's a sore spot or something, you don't have to answer."

I wave my hand at him to get him to stop apologizing. "Its not a sore spot at all actually. I chose the smaller role for myself. Didn't you read the Playbill?" He shakes his head no. "Okay. Well you would have seen that I was listed as assistant stage director."

"Really?" Blaine asks, not bothering to hide the look of shock on his face.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" I'm only half teasing him. "Wait. Don't answer that. I know the answer already. Its cause I was such a diva in high school. Right?"

Blaine nods his head slowly. At least he has the decency to look a little embarrassed now.

"Well, I'm still a diva. So don't go thinking that I've changed that much, or that you won't have to work hard to keep up with me." I wink at him. "And really, the move to behind the scenes fits into my personality just as easily. During _RENT_ the previous year, I got into many a heated debate with our director about how I thought things should be done. I would argue about the costumes, the staging, the tempo of the songs, well, honestly just about everything. I had an opinion about it all and often, in the end, she took a lot of my ideas and used them. And I discovered, that I loved knowing that I had created that moment, when the audience cries or laughs and not just because I was on stage performing but every moment where I made a decision about how something should be carried out. I mean, its not like I wrote the material, but we always tweaked this or that, and I felt like it really mattered. Plus, this way I get to dabble in so many areas that I love. Its like event planning, fashion design, choreography and performing all rolled into one amazing career." I know I'm glowing a bit. I can't help it though. "I love what I'm doing right now and I don't ever miss being the star on stage. I told you before, those moments were meaningless to me. Once I discovered my passion for directing, I felt like a small part of me, professionally anyway, was complete." I stop there. I'm veering toward emotions that I don't want to express in a crowded coffee shop.

I suddenly feel the need for air and movement.

"If you're done with your coffee, would it be okay if we went for a walk, instead of staying here?" I don't want him to think that I'm trying to end our date, I just can't sit here any more.

Blaine seems to understand. He grabs both our cups and tosses them into the nearest garbage bin. Then he holds the door open for me. I glance backward toward the counter and see Stacey give me a small thumbs up. I wave bye with a huge smile on my face and walk through the open door.

Without discussing it, we both start walking toward my theatre. I really don't want this date to end, but maybe he has somewhere else he needs to be. It doesn't matter. I know I'm going to see him again. Even though I did most of the talking this time, I could see it all in his eyes. The wonder about who I am now, the knowing look about my personality and the realization that I haven't changed as much as he was worried I had. And while I won't say he loves me, I know he thinks it might be possible, and so do I. This thought gives me courage. I reach out and grab his hand.

He looks down immediately, as if some stranger might have run up and grasped him instead of me. Confirming that in fact, it is my hand coaxing his into mine, he looks up at me and smiles shyly. It is the most adorable look I have ever seen, like I've just given him the puppy he always wanted for Christmas. I smile back.

We walk the rest of the way, our hands clasped together, swinging softly in time with our steps. Then I notice that the motion is also in time with my heartbeat.

He stops us in front of the theatre. "Its a clever name you know, for what you do here." He nods his head upward toward the marquee, where _The Mechanicals Theatre_ is written in bold black lettering.

"I wish I could take credit for it, but that was all Harmony's uncle's doing. But yes, I agree, I adore the name. Not everyone gets it. I should have known you would."

Feeling emboldened again, I lean forward and capture his mouth with mine. He doesn't hesitate this time, like he did with our hands. He's immediately kissing me back. His mouth tastes so deliciously like coffee with a hint of Blaine, I moan a little. He pulls me in tighter and wraps his arms around my back. I tangle my hands in his hair. He feels so warm and familiar. It still amazes me that after all this time, being in his arms feels just like coming home.

* * *

 **Chapter 6 Notes:** I know I didn't answer all the questions I'm sure you have about Kurt, and I probably created lots of new ones. Just remember, Blaine already knows more than you, thanks to his stalking. I promise all will be clear soon. xoxo


	7. The Theatre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts where the last one left off - with a kiss in front of Kurt's theatre.

**Chapter 7 - The Theatre**

"Get a room." The stranger's voice breaks through my lust filled brain as I was busy reacquainting myself with every inch of Blaine's tongue. As if I had forgotten.

Blaine breaks our kiss, tucking his head into my neck as he snickers. His breath hot on my skin, his lips still moist.

Okay, so maybe we had been taking things a little too far for a public street. Blaine's hands had slipped downward from my lower back and settled possessively on my ass. One of my hands had trailed down his spine and then gripped his hip bone, so that our bodies were smashed together. Yep, we definitely need to get a room.

"Do you wanna come inside?" I whisper into Blaine's ear, nodding my head toward the entrance of the theatre.

Blaine trails kisses slowly upward on my neck. When he reaches my ear, he just hums softly. I take that as a yes and move us gently toward the door, never really breaking physical contact. I need him against me. My body has longed for his touch for four years. No one else can calm me inside and out the way that he does. Every insecurity that I carry with me, melts away the minute I feel his warmth against me. I know this is leading me down a road I haven't traveled along before. We are moving so much faster in our sexual relationship than I'm usually comfortable with. I don't know if its because we've done it all before or if its because his body sets my body on fire like no one else. I can practically see the connection igniting between us as we step into the dimly lit theatre.

"So this is where all the magic happens." Blaine tugs me forward, bouncing a little on his heels. He seems genuinely excited to be here.

I laugh. He's still such a puppy sometimes and its ridiculously contagious. My own excitement building with his. I can feel the heat between us intertwining with our shared love of performing and the arts. And it feels good.

"Come on. I'll show you backstage." I say, as Blaine continues to bounce beside me with each step. I lead him down the middle aisle and to the front of the stage. He steps around me and for a second, I think he's actually going to bounce up onto the stage like a kangaroo. But instead, he grabs me and pulls me in for a brief kiss, leaning back on the stage floor for support.

"Hi." I say when we break apart again, trying to catch my breath. The kiss had been short but it still knocked the wind out of my lungs. He seems capable of doing that with a mere flicker of his eye lashes or taste of his lips.

"Hi." He replies and then kisses my cheek. "I just. I want you to know that..." He pauses, his face flushing beautifully in the pale light. Even when he's embarrassed or struggling for words, I think he's the most gorgeous person I have ever seen.

"Shh. You don't have to say anything." I run my hand along his arm, trying to soothe him. I don't really know what he's trying to tell me but I think we're on the same page. And right now, I'm not sure I want to know if we're not. I know it can't stay like this, us drifting somewhere between who we were together and who we thought we would be in the future. We haven't found our footing yet and oddly, I'm okay with that. I don't usually like things to be so ambiguous. My controlling, diva-self is uncomfortable with indecision. But right now, with his arms wrapped around me, I know there isn't any where else I want to be. So that seems like a decision. I'm choosing to be here, with him, in this moment. The future can remain uncertain for now.

I lean forward slowly, tightening my grip on his arm and using my other hand to pull him in closer. He understands. He tilts his head upward and angled slightly to the side. The minute our lips meet, his tongue is inside my mouth. His hands start roaming across my chest and around to my back. I feel them slip lower and then he's gently tugging my shirt upward. His fingers graze underneath and I hear a slight groan of unhappiness escape into my mouth.

He pulls his mouth back gently. "Layers." He says, like its a four-letter word.

"It was cool today." I try to justify my need for an undershirt, laughing at the reminder of all the clothing I used to wear in high school and just how frustrated Blaine would be to have to dig through piles of cotton just to feel my skin.

"If its any consolation, there aren't any here." I don't know when I got so bold, but I grab his hand and thrust it downward toward my pants. This time the groan is of a completely different kind of frustration.

"You are so fucking hot." Blaine growls in my ear before he crashes our lips back together and shoves his hands inside my jeans. He moans loudly into our kiss as his hands grip my bare ass and squeeze. He pushes forward with his own hips and takes a step. He rocks his hips into mine and then steps forward again. I realize he's moving me backward and not just thrusting into me. He holds tightly as he grinds me into one of the front row seats and then straddles me. My own hands find his ass and pull him downward so that he's pressing all his weight onto my now rock hard cock. I pull him up just a little and then down with all my strength. I can feel his erection rubbing against mine through our jeans. The friction is delicious, and the sounds he's making into my mouth have me swimming in my senses. All I feel his hot heat and strong desire coursing through my veins. He has turned me into a quivering mess and my orgasm explodes through me before I even knew I was close. I can feel Blaine fall over the edge right after me as he purrs my name into my mouth.

"You're amazing." Blaine collapses against me in a small puddle of post-orgasm bliss.

"Thank you. I think you're pretty amazing too. And now I'm not going to be able to look at these seats without getting aroused. Thanks for that too." I can feel his body shake against mine as he chuckles.

"Well, in that case, perhaps we should go for round two on the stage." Blaine leans back a little and looks at me with his eyebrow cocked and for a second, I'm actually considering it. I just don't understand how he does this to me. I just had an orgasm and I can already feel my dick twitching at the thought of ravishing him on the stage.

"Let's pace ourselves." I say softly.

He leans back into me and I wrap my arms around him and hold tight. I try not to think about all the unanswered questions and remind myself that only moments ago I had been telling him he didn't need to say anything.

We stay snuggled into each other for a few more minutes but the wetness in my pants is starting to become uncomfortable and I think he feels the same because he shifts around a bit in my lap. I push him up off me and stand beside him. "I have some spare pants in my office. If they're too long (he smirks at me), then I'm sure we can find something in the costume department."

I link my hand in his and lead the way toward my office.

"So I got a little distracted back there, but I really do want to see around the theatre and learn more about what you do. Especially now that I know you run the whole show." Blaine shoulder bumped me as he spoke.

"Well, I don't exactly run the entire show, just most of it." I bump him right back.

"Glad to see that modesty is still a trait you're lacking. If you can't blow your own horn, then really, who can?" Blaine laughs. I'm not sure if its at me or with me. I just pretend its with me and move on.

"Here's my office." We stop at the unmarked door. I was still debating about putting my name on it. Given Blaine's comment about my modesty, I'm secretly glad that I haven't done that yet. Perhaps the gold star with black lettering I was considering is a little too much. I hold the door open and let him walk in first.

"I would expect nothing less." Blaine teases as he looks around.

The walls are painted a pale silver colour and adorned with framed posters of all the best Broadway musicals. All the furniture is black and frosted glass. Its a stark contrast from my apartment but I absolutely love it. Its modern with a little old Hollywood flair thrown in.

I immediately open my small closet and rifle through my stash of clothing. I always keep a good assortment on hand, you just never know when you're going to cum in your pants. Okay, well, honestly, this is the first time that has happened but with Blaine around now, I have a feeling it might not be the last.

I find a suitable replacement pair of skinny jeans for the ones I'm currently wearing and a pair of sweatpants for Blaine. I hand him the pants and then step behind my desk to change. I'm not necessarily embarrassed, I just would like for us to have another conversation and I have a feeling, if he sees me naked then our mouths will be busy with other activities that we've already engaged in.

He smirks at me before turning around so that we can both change without staring at each other.

After we're both in dry pants, we settle on my couch. Our knees are just grazing against each other. I swear I see little blue jolts of electricity shoot upward every time contact occurs.

"So you wanted to know more about the theatre?" I ask hesitantly. I don't want to bore him with my ramblings again, but he did seem genuinely interested earlier. Plus, I feel like we need to spend some time getting up to speed on each other's lives. I don't just want a physical relationship with him. Okay, I just don't want it to be that all the time. It would be good if we could converse as well.

"Yes. I mean I've read the press releases and such, but I'd love to hear your spin on what you guys are planning to do here." Blaine says in a voice filled with honesty and wonder.

My concerns about boring him are laid to rest.

"Well, I told you earlier that Harmony's uncle approached her during our junior year. She had no idea that he even owned a theatre. Family feuds and disagreements and all that jazz, so she'd never met him. Apparently he knew about her though and had been watching all her performances at NYADA. I guess he liked what he saw, cause he started taking her for lunches and told her his plan for this theatre. His goal was to run a small theatre company that created a jumping off point for young people looking for their big break. We run the entire production ourselves. He found a few mentors within the theatre community to help us and help spread the word about what we're doing here. He's given us such a great opportunity, I don't know how I got so lucky." I glance down at my hands because its true. I know Blaine has struggled to get even just the small gig he has now and I feel like this all just fell into my lap.

"I do." Harmony's voice fills my office as she sashays in. I forgot the door was open.

"Harm! I didn't um, realize you were here today." I glance nervously between her and Blaine.

Blaine, of course, immediately jumped to his feet as soon as she entered the room. Always the gentleman.

"I needed to finish the stitching on Rach's costume. You know how particular she can be." Harmony says with affection mixed into her remark. "You must be Blaine." Harmony extends her hand to shake Blaine's hand. "Its so nice to finally meet you."

I can see Blaine visibly relax under Harmony's friendly gaze. My love for her growing tenfold in this moment. With two simple sentences she confirmed for Blaine that I'm not seeing anyone else and that I've spoken to her about him.

Blaine shakes her hand, turning on the charm. "The pleasure is all mine Harmony. I saw your performance in Cats a few years ago. You gave me chills."

"Thank you. And wow, Rachel was right, you really are a charmer." Harmony smiles sweetly. Then she grabs a chair and sits down.

"Join us, please." I say, only half sarcastically.

"Well, I heard you telling Blaine about my uncle and our little project here. I thought maybe I could help fill in any blanks. Besides Kurt, you know how I hate when you play modest." Both Harmony and Blaine snort. Oh, I'm not sure this is such a good idea after all. "You know exactly why my uncle hired you as stage director, straight out of NYADA. Your eye for talent and direction is phenomenal. He would have been a fool not to snap you up right away."

I can feel my face blushing. Harmony has always been my cheerleader. She maintains that she didn't have to convince her uncle of anything, that he wanted me even before he learned we were best friends. Harmony rarely lies to people, so I have to believe her. It doesn't hurt though, to know that she would have pushed for me if she needed too.

"Kurt has always been outstanding in every thing he does. I'm not surprised that he was so successful here in New York so quickly. I always told him he would take the city by storm." Blaine flashes me a shy smile.

"And what about you Blaine? Rachel and Kurt have both sung your praises. How are you finding New York?" Harmony asks conversationally.

I hold my breath. I know the look Harmony is giving him right now and I know it led to me showing her every skeleton in my closet within our first three conversations. She is as good a listener as she is performer. When she turns her warm eyes upon you, it feels as if your entire life will be made better if you divulge every secret to her. I'm curious to see if Blaine will fall under her spell.

"Well, its been a bit more of an indirect road for me, honestly. I always planned to come to New York but I wasn't interested in a performing arts degree. After spending years at Dalton and using the blazer as a prop. I felt that I needed to stop trying to be something everyone else expected me to be and instead be the person underneath the fake dapper exterior. I don't want to wear costumes any more and read lines that belong to someone else. I've been writing my own music..." Blaine pauses here and looks at me. His eyes are full of emotion that I can't read. I'm clearly missing something that he thinks I should know. He probes my eyes a little further and then realizes that what ever he was looking for isn't there. I suddenly have the urge to cry. I blink rapidly while he refocuses on Harmony.

"Sorry. As I was saying, I've been writing my own music for years now and it was really important for me to see if I could find my way using my own voice. I have a small weekly gig at _The_ _Dreamers_ _Lounge_ , which is a fitting name if you ask me." Blaine chuckles a little to himself.

"We've been there." Harmony says quietly, then looks toward me for confirmation. I nod my head slightly. "For karaoke night." She confirms.

Its hard to take all this in at one time. Blaine opened up to Harmony in a way that I have never seen him with a stranger. He's always so closed off and private, even with me sometimes. I don't think he's even realized yet all that he gave away about himself. I'm grateful to Harmony, but worried that Blaine will feel embarrassed or awkward later.

Plus, I learn now that our paths have crossed before. I know his performances are on Saturday nights and karaoke is on Thursdays but still, I might have used the same microphone he did. A small shiver runs up my spine at the thought. I remember Blaine and his microphone during my junior prom, sexy as fuck!

Harmony glances between Blaine and I during this lull in conversation. I silently plead with her to make her exit. She reads me clearly and excuses herself.

"She's amazing. I felt so comfortable talking to her and I just met her. Strange." Blaine says, mostly to himself.

"Harmony has that affect on people. I always say she could be a therapist if her Broadway career doesn't work out. She has the uncanny ability to get people to bare their souls before they even know what's happening." I shimmy a little closer to him on the couch. "I hope that was okay?"

I place my hand on his thigh. He immediately covers it with his own. "I only said what was in my heart. That's always okay with me. I always want to be honest with you, and your friends." His voice is thick with emotion and he gives my hand a tender squeeze. I can feel the love pouring off him toward me. I can't find my voice to reply. I don't think it matters. I understand a little more about where he's coming from and who he is now. I send my love back to him with a glance of my eyes and stroke of my thumb. It feels like we made progress today toward a future where our separate paths merge together and our love keeps us on course.

* * *

 **Chapter 7 Notes:** I struggled with this chapter. It took an unexpected turn with Harmony popping in for a visit, but I kind of like where it went. I hope you did too! Please share your thoughts in a comment, your words always help me fight through my writer's block xoxo


	8. The Opening

**Chapter 8 - The Opening**

I am FREAKING out!

The theatre opens in 30 minutes for our first performance ever and all I can keep thinking is, What if no one comes?

I know this is a ridiculous thought because we've sold tickets. I have to keep reminding myself of that fact. That there are people who were willing to pay money to come see us. These are not our friends and family, but strangers who hope we will put on a good show.

And we will. Well, at least my Sandy and Rizzo will. It was hard to choose our first show. We have two strong female leads that I wanted to showcase, especially to help attract new talent and interest in our productions. _Grease_ was a good first choice. I just can't help but wondering if there was a better one. Its too late for that kind of thinking. I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

I imagined that I would be calm at this point. I know that everything and everyone is ready to go. The sets were finished days ago. The costumes are fantastic. The performances are going to be amazing. I have complete faith in my cast and crew. So why am I freaking out?

I will just have to chalk it up to inexperience and a sense of responsibility. If anything goes wrong tonight or if the reviews are horrible, I'm going to blame myself. I've always put so much pressure on myself to do everything perfectly. This theatre is no exception. This is my baby and I've given it everything I have. If it turns out that isn't good enough, then what do I have left?

"Stop it." Harmony's voice cuts through my self-doubt like a knife. "I can see you there freaking out. Just stop."

She walks toward me and wraps her arms around me. I sigh dramatically, earning myself a small giggle from her and then fall into her arms. We embrace for a few minutes. Both of us needing the calm the other is providing.

"Hey. When did the hugging start and why wasn't I invited?" I can hear the pout in Rachel's voice without even looking at her face. Harmony and I separate a few inches and each stretch an arm toward Rach, who looks adorable in her blonde Sandy wig. She feigns indifference for a moment but then hurries over. We capture her in our arms and happily complete our Trifecta.

"There is no one else I would rather share this moment with than the two of you." I say honestly, trying to fight back my tears. I'm suddenly feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for my two best friends.

"Not even Blaine?" Rachel teases.

"Nope. Not even him. At least, not yet. Maybe when we've figured out what's really going on between us. Then maybe I'll just run away with him and forget all about you both." My sarcastic comment earns me a pinch from each of them. "Joking, I was just joking."

"Glad to see my hug was able to bring back the confident diva I adore so much. I'm not used to you looking so unsteady." Harmony says as she kisses my cheek and steps out of the embrace.

"Alright, let's do this. Knock 'em dead." I kiss them both on the cheek and step toward the curtains. I peak into the theatre and feel my heart speed up. The seats are almost all full. I take a deep breath and will my heart to calm down again. I am momentarily successful but then my eyes spot a head of dark curls in the crowd and my heart tries to pound out of my chest.

Blaine is here.

My thoughts begin to race around in my head. Of course I had secretly hoped he would come. I knew he went to my NYADA performances and this was even more important to me than those. I just, I never let myself truly believe that he would be there. We never spoke about it. I never asked him and he never told me.

He is the only person I have out there. That thought stops all other thoughts in my brain. My family wasn't able to come because of the cost and because I had told them not to bother. I know some of the other people in the audience, but they also know Rachel or Harmony. Blaine is the only one who is here for me. And that is what all my other performances had been missing. He was the missing piece.

* * *

The show went perfectly. Everyone hit their marks, no one forgot any of their lines and the songs were flawless. This is of course in my biased opinion. I'll have to wait till tomorrow, when the reviews are out, to see what people really thought. But for tonight, I'm focusing on it being an exceptional production of _Grease_.

"We did it." Harmony and Rachel run toward me. We grab hands and for a moment, it looks like we're about to play _Ring Around the Rosy_. We giggle in unison and drop our hands.

"You did me proud." I jump as the voice behind me booms in my ears. Then I feel Harmony's uncle, Rob, clap me on the back. I teeter forward for a second, like a cartoon character wobbling from its knees, before I'm able to right myself and turn to face him.

"I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that, sir." I stick my hand out to shake his properly but of course, he's a hugger. Rob's rather large body smothers me. He's a few inches shorter than I am but what he lacks in height, he makes up for in girth.

"Excellent job, Kurt. We'll have to see what the reviewers say, but I heard lots of great things already from my friends. I'm really pleased with everything you did. It was fantastic." He releases me and I try to subtly smooth out my outfit.

"Harmony, sweetie, you stole the show. We're not going to have you in our midst much longer. I just know it. Someone is going to come and snatch you away and you'll become a big Broadway star and forget all about us little people." Rob grabs Harmony in a bear hug. She's beaming over his shoulder, her beautiful blue eyes glistening with tears.

"Oh, Uncle Rob. You're just saying that cause you're family. I won't be going anywhere just yet. Besides, someone needs to keep Kurt under control." She winks at me and then kisses her Uncle's cheek. She turns him gently toward Rachel.

"Rachel, darling, you were wonderful. I almost didn't recognize you in the blonde wig. Well, at least until you started singing. Your voice really is breathtaking." He hugs her tight. "I bet the casting agents will be knocking down your door too."

"Thank you, Rob. This is such a wonderful opportunity for all of us." Rachel gushes. She always does a wonderful job of hiding her diva-self from her boss. It gives me hope that she really will make it out of this small theatre company and to the big stage on Broadway.

"I'm sure there are lots of people just waiting to praise all three of you. I'll pass along all the reviews as I see them." Rob kisses Harmony on the cheek one last time and then waves to some friends of his that have made their way backstage.

"Kurt."

I hear Blaine's smooth voice utter my name from behind me. My entire body freezes in place. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I've daydreamed about this moment before. Every time I finished a performance, I would imagine him coming backstage to congratulate me. To tell me I was a star. To love me.

I turn slowly. I can't hide the shock from my face when I spy his arms full of flowers.

He steps forward and immediately moves past me. He hands a bouquet of beautiful purple tulips to Harmony. "You were a phenomenal Rizzo."

Harmony's eye light up and she hugs him tightly. When they pull away, she glances at me and I can read the look perfectly, it says: _If you don't keep him, I will kill you_.

Then Blaine turns to Rachel and hands her a stunning bouquet of yellow roses. "You make a beautiful blonde."

Rachel actually giggles and blushes. _Oh Blaine, always the ladies man_.

"Thank you Blaine. It's so sweet of you to come and bring me flowers. You always were charming. I'm glad to see that hasn't changed." She kisses him on the cheek and glances toward me. Her look is a carbon copy of Harmony's and I internally roll my eyes. I'm beginning to think Blaine knows exactly what he's doing. He'll win my friends over and make sure they don't let me screw this up. I'm secretly grateful for this tactic.

The girls link arms and walk away. Giving Blaine and I a moment of privacy.

"And these are for you." Blaine hands me a large bouquet of white long-stem roses with a single red one nestled in their midst. I blink rapidly to keep the tears from falling.

"You...came." I manage to choke out.

"Of course. I wouldn't have missed this. Oh, Kurt, did you think I wouldn't be here? I wanted to surprise you. Sorry. Maybe I should have told you." Blaine reaches out for me.

I hesitate for a second. My mind is still spinning from all the emotions. He's here. He brought me flowers. No one has ever given me flowers after a performance before. He wanted to surprise me. I feel like its all moving so fast and yet I can't get enough. I can't imagine a moment now that I don't want to share with him.

I collapse into his arms. He smells so sweet, the aroma of the flowers having been picked up by his clothing. I nuzzle my nose into his neck and he chuckles softly at the gentle tickle. I turn my head slightly and graze my lips along his jaw line. He moves into my caress and tilts his head, so that our lips meet. Its a soft kiss. My heart immediately settles.

"The flowers are beautiful. Thank you." I meet his glowing hazel eyes. "No one has ever given me flowers after a performance." I feel my cheeks start to pink-up. I don't know why I'm blushing at that admission, but it feels like its an intimate confession.

"Really?" His eyes search mine in disbelief. I nod in confirmation. "Its probably wrong that that makes me happy. I mean, I wish someone had been here worshiping you the way you deserve. But the fact that, maybe, I could be that person now...well, I just" His voice fades away. I can hear his heart beat getting faster. I reach up and cup his cheek.

"I'd like that." I close the gap again and pour all my love and fears into this kiss. He returns the kiss with gentle reassurance and promises for a future together.

Okay. So that's settled then. We pull apart. Both of us blushing and looking at the other shyly. I feel like I'm 16 years old again and he just asked me to be his boyfriend for the first time.

"I, um, I need to talk to a few people but the girls and I were going to go get drinks after this. Do you, uh, want to join us? I mean, I'd love if you came." And now I'm stumbling over my words like my teenage self too. When did that happen?

"Yes. That would be perfect." Blaine squeezes my hand. "I'll be around. Just come find me when you're ready to go."

I know I spoke to lots of people after that. Some of them were even important Broadway people, but my mind is somewhere else. It is on a man perched on a stool toward the back of the room, watching me with a desire in his eyes that I haven't seen in years. I may have shortened some conversations and made promises of phone calls and emails, just to get back to those soft dark curls as quickly as possible. My heart can only stand being separated from him for so long. Before I realize it, my feet are walking toward him, no other thought in my brain, other than wrapping myself in his love.

* * *

We are on our second round of drinks at _Jazz Hands,_ nestled together in a booth. Blaine is sitting beside me, holding my hand. The girls are facing us. I have already caught each one of them staring at our entwined fingers and smiling softly to themselves. It has been a long time since I felt this content, this whole. With Blaine beside me and my best friends across from us, I feel ready to take on the world. I feel like my life has been waiting for this moment to truly begin.

The conversation flows easily between the four of us. Our interests are so similar, and it's wonderful to see Blaine's obvious affection for my friends growing with each shared joke or interest.

"So you girls really out shined the rest of the cast. Well, except for the Teen Angel. He does stand out in my mind as having stolen the show with a breathtaking rendition of _Beauty School Drop-Out_." Blaine leans over and kisses me on the cheek.

"But of course. My cameos should always be memorable. I'm going to be the Alfred Hitchcock of show directors. Well, he never actually spoke in his movies, but I think you know what I mean. People will start to wonder when I'm going to appear and wow them with my vocal prowess." At least, that is my plan. I am never going to give up performing completely. I adore the thought of having one single song, that stands out among the rest of them, to call my own.

"I love that idea." Blaine says. "I was sad when I thought I wouldn't get to see you on the stage. I know you love pulling all the strings backstage, but your voice is beautiful. I always want to hear you sing." Oh, I could really get use to Blaine gushing about me.

"Yes. I'm glad Kurt wanted to sing that song. Besides, we needed a little more talent out on that stage. Its sad really, that our male leads aren't a little stronger." Rachel is never shy with her opinion, but this time I do agree. We lack a male powerhouse. "What about you, Blaine?" She asks innocently, although I see a devilish glean in her eye.

"What about me, Rachel?" I don't know if he really doesn't understand what she is implying or if he's just teasing her.

"Well, I seem to recall you were an exceptional soloist for the Warblers. Didn't you guys win Nationals the year after us? You know, after Kurt and I had graduated." Oh, there was the small dig that said: _While, I'm happy to compliment your talent, lets not forget who the real star is, ME._

"Yes, Rachel we did win Nationals after New Directions lost their biggest talents." Blaine chuckles softly. He doesn't mind her diva ways, he is use to it. Some things never change.

"Well, what are you doing now? We could certainly use your vocal talents in our company." I glare at Rachel. Complimenting Blaine is one thing, but outright asking him if he'd join our theatre was crossing a line. He and I only just got back together. I doubt we could handle working together all the time.

"I'm flattered Rachel, really. But for now, I want to keep focusing on my music. I'm tired of singing someone else's words." Blaine replies kindly.

"Are your songs any good?" Rachel blurts out. "Ow." I kick her under the table. "What was that for?" She whines at me.

"Rach, don't you think that was kind of rude?" I ask.

"Its fine Kurt. Its a valid question." Blaine rubs his hand along my arm in a soothing manner. "I think they are Rachel. And the Warblers thought so. We won Nationals singing one of my songs. In fact, you could ask Kurt. It was the song I wrote for him that we performed."

I can't breathe. I have no idea what Blaine is talking about. I can feel my hand start to shake in his. He looks over at me. Concern fills his eyes as he watches me have a small panic attack.

"I...I...I've never...I...don't know...what song?" I stammer each word out. My palms start to sweat and my mind is racing. I'm racking my brain but I've never heard any song that Blaine has written. I'm sure I would have remembered, especially if it was for me!

"Kurt." Blaine grabs both my shoulders and spins me so that I'm facing him in the booth. Rachel and Harmony are momentarily forgotten as I focus my wide blue eyes on his calm golden ones. "Breathe. I wasn't trying to upset you. Its okay if you didn't like the song, I figured that's why you never said anything."

"Blaine?" His name comes out like a question. I need to pull myself together so that he can understand me. "Blaine." I try again. "I've never seen or heard any song that you wrote. I, honestly, don't know what you're talking about." I hold his gaze and watch in horror as his eyes change from warm honey to a cool shade of amber.

"My Christmas present to you, Kurt. I brought it by your house, after..." Blaine doesn't finish his sentence but I know exactly what he's talking about. "You never opened it." Blaine's voice is soft and sad and full of resignation. My heart breaks.

I shake my head no.

I know what I have to do. Before I lose my courage, I grab our coats and shove Blaine out of the booth.

"We need to leave. Sorry girls. I'll call you tomorrow." I throw an apologetic look toward my stunned best friends.

"Kurt. Kurt, where are we going?" Blaine asks, stumbling forward as I continue to push him toward the front door.

"To my apartment."

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Chapter 8 Notes:** Sorry for the cliffhanger. The story will pick up right here. I just feel that the next section needs its own chapter. Comments are wonderful, thank you! xoxo


	9. The Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So most of you can probably guess what is about to happen...but I hope you'll stick around to help Kurt through it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Blaine does not own the song, neither do I.

**Chapter 9 - The Song**

"Kurt. Kurt, where are we going?" Blaine asks, stumbling forward as I continue to push him toward the front door.

"To my apartment."

I hand Blaine his coat while I shove my arms into mine. We burst through the doors of the club and I'm immediately flagging down a taxi. There is no way I can take the train right now.

I push Blaine into the taxi, tell the driver my address and then slump against the seat.

Blaine reaches for my hand. I twist our fingers together and silently stare out the window. I can't talk right now. Blaine seems to understand and sits quietly beside me. Which should make me grateful, the fact that he still seems to know exactly what I need when I need it. But right now, its causing the panic to start again. I never doubted that I fucked this all up. That it was all my fault. All my insecurities. All my failings. I just did not think there would be physical evidence to prove that I had. Yet here we are, racing to my apartment so that I can open a present that I have carried with me for years and in the process, tear my heart apart.

We reach my apartment in record time. I throw some money at the driver and hustle us both out of the car. I run up the steps, taking them two at a time, which is entirely unfair to Blaine and his shorter legs. He eventually catches up to me outside my apartment door.

I fling the door open, kick off my shoes and let them fall where they may. Blaine audibly gasps at my ill treatment of my footwear. I smirk because honestly, my reaction is a bit dramatic to this entire situation but I can't seem stop myself.

Blaine however can. Once his shoes are off and our coats are discarded, he grabs me tightly. I'm trying to pull away. I'm so close now. He does not let go.

"Kurt. Please just stop for a second." I continue to struggle in his arms. "STOP!" He yells. I freeze.

"Sorry. I didn't want to yell at you, but you need to listen." I relax my posture and he eases the strength with which he's holding me. "I get it now. I understand that you never read it. Yes, I'm sad and a little angry that you didn't open my present. But that was four long years ago. I'm guessing that you still have it." I nod my head in confirmation. "You were racing here so that you could open it." I nod my head again.

"You didn't need to conduct your own episode of _The Amazing Race_. I would have been happy to sing the song to you back at the club." Blaine smiles sweetly.

"No." I say, sounding exactly like the 5 year old child I'm behaving like. "No. I need to see it for myself. I need to do this." I move slowly backward and he doesn't stop me this time.

Blaine takes my hand as I'm walking toward my bedroom. He squeezes tightly and I return the gesture, grateful for the grounding effect his touch always has on me.

I lead him to my bed and he sits down to wait. I walk into my closet and flick on the light. There on the back shelf I see the box that I've carted around with me like the scars of my youth. I pull it onto the floor and ignore all the other mementos I've kept as painful reminders of our relationship that I used to torture myself with over the past years. I dig further into the box until my eyes rest on the Christmas present, still wrapped in red paper with a small gold bow on top. The tag reads: _My Dearest Kurt, Merry Christmas, Loving You Always, Blaine_.

I carry the package back to my bed and settle down beside Blaine. I carefully unwrap the paper and find a few pages of sheet music inside. Written at the top in Blaine's careful script: _Hey There Beautiful - Music and Lyrics by Blaine Anderson_

Tears begin flowing down my face before I even realize they are there. Blaine reaches up and gently wipes my face, but its pointless because the tears keep flowing. And I don't think they're going to stop any time soon.

My hands shake as I stare down at the words, which are blurry through my tears. I begin to read slowly and Blaine begins to sing softly beside me, his voice filling my heart with love and sorrow.

_Hey there beautiful, what's it like in New York City_

_I'm a thousand miles away_

_But boy tonight you look so sexy, yes you do_

_Times Square can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true_

_Hey there beautiful, don't you worry about the distance_

_I'm right there if you get lonely give this song another listen_

_Close your eyes, listen to my voice it's my disguise_

_I'm by your side_

_Oh it's what you do to me_

_Oh it's what you do to me_

_Oh it's what you do to me_

_Oh it's what you do to me_

_What you do to me_

_Hey there beautiful, I know times are getting hard_

_But just believe me boy, someday I'll pay this bills with this guitar_

_We'll have it good, we'll have the life we knew we would_

_My word is good_

_Hey there beautiful, I've got so much left to say_

_If every simple song I wrote to you_

_Would take your breath away, I'd write it all_

_Even more in love with me you'd fall, we'd have it all_

I can't breathe. I can't see. Yet I can't tear my eyes away from the words in front of me. Every single one of them is a stab to the heart. A reminder that I was a fool to ever doubt him. Blaine had been pouring all his love into a song for me, while I'd been shutting myself off in New York and pulling away. I want to throw the pages to the ground in a fit of diva-rage at myself and at him. I want to make him stop singing and scream at him: Why didn't you make me hear this? Why didn't you show up at my house all John Cusack in _Say Anything_ and make me listen to your heart. Why was it so easy to throw our love away?

But I don't do any of that. Instead, I continue to sit on my bed, weeping softly, while Blaine's voice continues unwavering. I will let him finish this song because Blaine deserves for me to hear it, even if its years too late.

_A thousand miles seems pretty far_

_But they've got planes and trains and cars_

_I'd walk to you if I had no other way_

_Our friends would all make fun of us_

_And we'll just laugh along because we know_

_That none of them have felt this way_

_Beautiful I can promise you_

_That by the time that we get through_

_The world will never ever be the same_

_And you're to blame_

_Hey there beautiful_

_You be good and don't you miss me_

_One more year and I'll be done with school_

_And I'll be making history like I do_

_You'll know it's all because of you_

_We can do whatever we want to_

_Hey there beautiful, here's to you_

_This one's for you_

He stops singing. The silence crashes down around me and it all makes perfect, soul shattering sense now. Blaine never knew that I didn't open his present. He obviously assumed that I had read this song, and decided that it wasn't enough. That no matter what he said or felt, I didn't want to be with him. A loud sob escapes from my lips and my body starts to shake as I release years of sadness and pain. I always believed that he never fought for me, for us, because he didn't think I was worth it. To realize now, that he thought the same thing is like living the heartbreak all over again. That he believed that I read this breathtakingly beautiful love song, and ignored the message and strength in it. I can't handle this.

Blaine wraps his arms around me as I fall apart. He makes soft soothing noises but nothing can penetrate the well of despair I have fallen into. I cry myself into a dreamless sleep in his arms.

* * *

 **Chapter 9 Notes:** The song is _Hey There Delilah_ by the Plain White T's with some edits to better suit Blaine and Kurt's relationship. It is one of my favourite songs and thought it was perfect for this story.


	10. The Dream

**Chapter 10 - The Dream**

I can feel the warmth from Blaine's body. He's holding me in a protective shell with his arms, wrapping me in his strength. I remain perfectly still, not ready for Blaine to know I'm awake. I breathe in and out slowly, letting my mind replay the events of last night. My heart tightens in my chest when I picture the words written with love on the sheets of music. I can still hear Blaine's angelic voice filling my bedroom with a love lost long ago.

I have to squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears from falling again. I'm shocked that there are any left to fall, having wept an ocean's worth onto Blaine's shirt last night until sleep mercifully took me.

I did not dream.

I mull these four words over in my head. I cannot remember the last night I did not have a dream. For years following the break-up, the dreams were relentless, sexually and emotionally charged. After reconnecting with Blaine, they have become sweeter although there is still an angst within them that causes me to wake with his name on my lips.

"Kurt, I know you're awake." Blaine's soft voice pulls me back from my thoughts.

"Sorry." I say, not sure if I mean for disturbing his sleep or for not telling him I'm awake right away or for falling asleep in his arms or for not opening his Christmas present sooner or for shattering his heart years ago. I'm guessing one simple word is not going to cover all those bases. _Dammit_.

I wiggle a bit in his arms, trying to move so I can see him. He understands and loosens his grip. I lift my head slowly and meet warm, amber coloured eyes still heavy with sleep. I sit up further, putting a small space between us.

Blaine immediately reaches out and brushes a few strands of my hair that have fallen over my forehead.

That simple gesture, filled with love and kindness, sets off my tears again. My face crumples as I sob heavily into my hands. I feel the bed move beneath me and then Blaine is taking me into his arms. I want to push him away. To say that I don't deserve his love. That he's being too kind, too strong, too forgiving. But I'm too weak, just like always. So I fold myself into a little ball and let him rock me gently.

"Kurt, baby, you have to stop crying." Blaine says gently. "I forgave you a long time ago."

"How...can...you...be...so...calm?" I manage to choke out between sobs.

"We can't change it Kurt." Blaine replies, a little too emotionless for my liking. I realize that his strength right now isn't coming from a place of security but rather from a place of defeat. This causes my heart to constrict again. "Honestly Kurt, think back to that December, try to remember all the feelings and thoughts that you had. Even if you had seen my song, would it have been enough? Would you have changed your mind?"

Blaine's questions hang in the air around us. I close my eyes and stop my crying. I think back to the scene I've replayed in my dreams a thousand times.

* * *

I had flown home two days early to surprise Blaine. After dropping my suitcases at home, I drove to Dalton, arriving just as Warbler practice was scheduled to end. I walked the gilded hallways to the recital room. As I approached I could hear Blaine singing softly, playing the piano beautifully. And then another voice I didn't recognize filled the air. I froze. Blaine was singing a duet with another Warbler. I listened as they sang in perfect harmony. I took a few steps forward and caught sight of them seated together on the piano bench. They paused in the song. I couldn't hear their conversation, it was murmured between them as if they were the only two people in the world. And then I heard Blaine laugh, his golden laugh, the one that I foolishly thought only I could elicit. I felt like my entire world was crashing around me. I backed away and ran to my car. Blaine never saw me.

That night I called him and broke up with him. I didn't even have the courage to do it in person. He cried and screamed and begged me to explain what had happened. He tried desperately for me to tell him what he had done wrong, already assuming that it was his fault. Always the martyr.

I never told him what I had witnessed at Dalton. I always assumed Blaine had figured it out. He knew I was calling from my parent's house in Ohio to end our relationship. I never saw him again, until that fateful day on the train.

The irony is, of course, he hadn't done anything wrong. It was all me. I had arrived home already feeling distant and cut-off from him. I hadn't maintained the schedule of Skype calls we agreed to before I left. I let school and New York run my life. I was the one who let the distance harm our relationship. And I was the one who foolishly thought he would be mopping around Dalton, pining for me. Seeing him sitting at the piano with another boy, singing and laughing, and just being _Blaine_ , made me realize that he was just fine without me. I thought I would be just fine without him also.

I was wrong.

* * *

The dreams started almost immediately. They always began the same way, with me standing outside that room at Dalton, listening to Blaine laugh. But then my subconscious would take over and warp everything. Sometimes I would step forward and see them kissing. I would yelp and Blaine would turn to see me standing there. He would shrug his shoulders and turn back to the boy, kissing him even more passionately in front of me.

Another version had me witness their kiss and when Blaine saw me, he would approach me with large apologetic eyes. The other boy would wind his way around the back of me, purring in my ear that I was welcome to join them. Sometimes I did.

My favourite version had me step inside the room while they were still laughing. Blaine would see me as I turned to leave. I would run down the hallways and to my car. Blaine would chase me, understanding how I might have misinterpreted the scene. I would let him catch me. He would swear they were just friends and then ravish me in the parking lot. We would climb into my backseat and make love like the starved animals we were. This version of the dream always resulted with me waking up screaming his name and covered in my own cum.

I tortured myself with that particular version of the dream the most. Because honestly, that's most likely what would have happened if I hadn't been so stupid. Because Blaine hadn't been doing anything wrong. He never cheated on me. He had just been living his life. And why couldn't I have been happy for him? Happy that he could find joy in the moments that he had to be separated from me. I already know the answer. I realized it years ago. I was so self-absorbed that I could only see everything from my point of view.

Its that thought that gives me the answer to Blaine's question - it wouldn't have changed a thing.

* * *

I untangle myself from Blaine's embrace. "I'm so very sorry. You're right though, I was so focused on myself and my feelings. I wouldn't have seen the song for the beautiful confession of love and patience that it was. I would have scoffed and ignored it. I think I came home, already decided that we wouldn't survive." I reply meekly. My face is glowing hot from shame and I can't meet his eyes. I twist my hands uselessly in my lap.

Blaine sighs.

I look up then and notice the tears silently falling down his face. He looks so beautiful and yet so broken. How is it possible to be both things at the same time?

Its my turn to be strong, stronger than I've ever been. I wrap my arms around him and kiss his forehead. "You never did anything wrong. You were the perfect, loving boyfriend you had always been. I was the one who pulled away, who destroyed our relationship. I know you said you forgave me, and I appreciate that so very much. But if you feel like we can't be together now..." I have to stop and catch my breath, swallowing my tears because its not my turn to cry. "I understand."

Blaine immediately pulls back. His eyes are wild and frantic. "Is that what you want?" His voice breaks as he questions me.

"NO." I yell back and immediately grab onto him. I pepper his face with tiny kisses. "God, no. I don't ever want to let you go again. I know we can't just pretend the last four years never happened and there's lots about each other and our lives we don't know. But I want to learn it all. I want to hear about everything you've done. I want to know the man that you've become."

Blaine relaxes as my words wash over him. He cups my face and kisses me softly on the lips.

"I want all that too, Kurt. I've always wanted that." Blaine breathes each word into my ear, onto my cheek, between my lips.

He moves in closer to kiss me again. I stop him by placing my palm flat on his chest. I can feel his heart pounding against my skin.

"I have had other boyfriends. I have been with other men. But you are the only person I have ever loved. You are the only person I have ever told _I love you_." I watch as the significance of my words reaches his heart. The amber in his eyes melts into honey and I know he is getting lost in the sea blue ocean of my eyes.

I grasp his shirt with my hand that's still resting on his chest and pull him toward me. Our lips meet in a slow kiss. He wraps his arms around the back of my neck and pulls my face closer, opening his mouth, demanding entrance into mine. I don't deny him, I will never deny him again. Our tongues dance together inside our mouths. The rhythm is slow and sweet.

Blaine ends the kiss but doesn't pull away. Then I feel his lips hot and swollen on my neck. He trails them down to my collarbone and starts to suck gently. I tangle my hands in his dark curls and tilt my head to the side, granting him even more access to my skin. His hands fumble with the buttons on my shirt and then I feel it being pulled back and over my shoulders. He never takes his lips off my skin and combination of cool air across my chest and heat from his mouth is delicious. I break the connection for a moment as I yank his shirt over his head because I need to feel his skin against mine. He presses his chest into me and I moan in response. He is always so warm and soft yet strong at the same time. My hands roam over his tight back freely as he continues to mark my pale skin with searing red hickeys. He moves lower and sucks my nipple into his mouth while he pushes me backward, so that I'm lying down on my bed and he's straddling me. I can feel my erection pressed into his thigh and a quick glance at his crotch tells me that he is equally aroused.

He sucks my nipple and then flicks it with his tongue. My hips buck upward completely out of my control, desperately seeking friction and relief for my throbbing hard-on. One more flick with his tongue on my oversensitive nipple and then he's kissing my stomach and trailing his hands to the button on my pants. My heart rate triples as his hands tease the waistband of my pants before pulling them completely off. He smirks at me, his eyes blazing with desire when he realizes I'm not wearing underwear again. And then he literally dives between my legs. His mouth swallows me whole and I'm screaming his name. He licks and strokes and twists and pulls my cock in every delicious direction imaginable. He's using his tongue and his hands together and the stimulation is both overwhelming and not enough at exactly the same time. Blaine grabs my balls with his mouth and sucks hard while pumping my cock with his hands. I'm so close already, my stomach is tight and I can feel the fire burning deep within. He can feel it too. He moves his mouth over my erection, hallows his cheeks, sucks me in completely and then hums. My orgasm knocks the wind out of my lungs as I'm gasping for air and babbling incoherent strings of syllables, some of which resemble very dirty words. Blaine keeps his lips stretched around me until my body collapses limp onto the mattress. Then he pulls off and joins me on the bed.

Our bodies are pressed together, I can feel his erection still hard and strong inside his pants. He kisses me full on the mouth and the combination of tasting myself and him rubbing his cock along my thigh makes me want more. The blow job was fantastic, but suddenly it wasn't enough. I break our kiss and nibble his ear before speaking low and hot, "I need you inside of me". I lean back just far enough so that I can gauge his reaction. His eyes fall closed for a second and when he opens them again, they're filled with consent and yearning.

I shift Blaine so that he's lying flat on his back and procure the bottle of lube and a condom from my nightstand. I place the supplies beside his hips and then drag my nails down his chest. He hisses above me and I watch in fascination as his muscles ripple just behind my fingers, which are leaving white lines in their wake. I rip his pants and underwear off and spend a moment just admiring his gorgeous body. He doesn't flinch or try to hide, his self-confidence has always been a turn on. I lean forward and lick his cock from base to tip in appreciation.

I grab the lube and coat my fingers quickly, before Blaine's brain can catch up. Then I'm on my knees to one side of him and he watches, his breath sporadic, his cock throbbing, as I prep myself. I should probably go slow, its been a while. But watching Blaine fall apart while I'm not even touching him, makes me frantic. I'm fucking myself on three fingers before I even realize it.

"Kuuurt." Blaine whines from above and I blink rapidly, remembering that its him I want inside of me.

I slick his cock with lube and then straddle him. He props himself up on his elbows so that he can watch me impale myself on his erection. I start slowly, revelling in the slow stretch and burn from the head of his thick cock. But I can't contain myself any longer and I slam down the rest of the way.

"FUCK, Oh my God." Blaine yells and collapses backward, no longer able to hold himself up.

I really did think the first time we had sex again it would be slow and sweet and tender. But now that we're here, I want nothing more than to fuck him fast and hard and deep. So that is exactly what I do. Blaine continues to scream expletives occasionally mixing in my name and its when he moans "Kurt" that I think I've never heard a more beautiful sound.

The pace I set is rapid. He meets me thrust for thrust. I can feel my skin glowing with sweat and his olive skin looks golden as he heats up. He reaches his hand downward and wraps it securely around my cock. He pumps swiftly, never changing our pace. Its my turn to scream his name as my cum shoots out over his hand and across his chest. I can feel my muscles clench around his cock and it only takes a couple of thrusts before he's quivering beneath me.

I crash forward onto his chest, not caring that we're both sticky with sweat and cum. I need to hear his heart, to know that I caused that quickened and irregular beat. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight.

"I missed you." He says softly, his voice full of contentment. He kisses the top of my head, which is resting on his chest.

I turn and kiss his chest, right above his heart. "I missed you too. Every. Single. Day."

* * *


	11. The Father Figure

**Chapter 11 - The Father Figure**

It has been the longest eight days of my life.

Alright, that's probably an exaggeration but it's not far from the truth. I feel like I'm starting to come unhinged. My nights have been mercifully dreamless but that just means I spend more time tossing and turning. I'm not use to being so restless at night, not that I'm complaining. Clearly having actual sex with Blaine eased my sub-conscious enough to stop torturing me with dream sex. But it has been a week without any physical contact with Blaine. I think I'm starting to suffer from a new form of withdrawal and my anxiety is rearing its ugly insecure head again.

I know I'm being stupid. Its not like Blaine rolled out of my bed and back out of my life. We've texted back and forth almost constantly throughout the last week. Our schedules just have not worked out and we haven't been able to get together. Now its Saturday night and I'm preparing for another performance of _Grease_ and he's performing his set at _The Dreamers Lounge_. Yet another night will pass without us seeing each other.

I sigh dramatically. And then laugh at myself. Its not like the week has been all bad. Our texts are flirtatious in nature and I've learned lots of new things about him.

He's addicted to New York bagels. He eats at least one a day.

Even when he's not working on the train, he loves to ride them and people watch. He says some of his best songs were written on New York City trains.

And the best one of all is that he found a small coffee shop near his apartment that he swears is a dead ringer for The Lima Bean. We've agreed to meet there as soon as our schedules allow it.

Thinking about The Lima Bean, also reminds me that this week brought a mind blowing revelation that I never saw coming. It all started with a simple phone call home to talk to my Dad.

* * *

"Hey Dad." I tucked my feet under myself on the couch, knowing this was going to be a lengthy phone call.

"Hey Bud. How's everything? I saw the reviews. Congratulations, everyone loves your show." I can hear the pride bursting through my dad's voice and I am again reminded why I am the luckiest son ever.

"What..oh yeah, they were great. I'm um, surprised you saw them." I stammer because the show was the furthest thing from my mind right now and maybe that was foolish, but it certainly wasn't the reason for my call.

"You know we do have the internet out here in Ohio. I do know how to use it." He teased me.

"Oh, I know Dad. I wasn't surprised that you had seen the reviews. It just, uh, wasn't the reason I called you." Honesty was always the best policy with my dad. Even when I tried to hide or gloss over things, he saw right through me.

"Well then, I will stop singing your praises, so that you can tell me." The line went silent.

I took a deep breath. My dad has always supported me, even when he knew I was making a bad decision. He has always let me live my life and been there to pick up the pieces when I fall apart. My history with Blaine was no different. He never tried to tell me what to do, he never suggested that I call Blaine, or go see him when I was in town, he just held me tighter every time I cried or woke up screaming Blaine's name in the middle of the night.

I can't help but wonder now, what his reaction will be.

"Blaine and I are together." There, I've said it, out loud.

"When? How? I need details, Kurt!" There is something in his voice I can't place. I expected him to be surprised, to be worried, to warn me to be cautious. But I can hear what sounds like desperation in his voice. Surely, I'm misreading him.

"Its a funny story actually. He works part-time as a train conductor and was covering a shift for a friend of his, which happened to be on my train. It took all week of us seeing each other each morning before we actually spoke." No need to tell him that in fact, we didn't speak but rather he sucked me off gloriously. Yeah, some details my dad just did not need to know.

"And you've seen each other since?" His voice is hesitant and a bit shaky. I suspect he might be crying, but that seems like a bit of an overreaction, even for my dad.

"Yeah, Dad. We've been on a couple of dates and we text all the time." I pause when I hear him sniffle into the phone. "Dad, are you okay? I know this is a bit of a shock, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh Kurt. I'm not upset and it isn't a shock to me at all. In fact, I've been waiting for this phone call since the day I knew Blaine had left for New York." And then it hits me. The sound in his voice that I couldn't place is actually relief.

"Wait. You knew he was here? Why didn't you tell me? How did you know? What else have you been keeping from me?" I try to calm myself, to tone down the accusations in my voice, but I fail miserably.

"Whoa, buddy. Just relax. I'll explain it all to you now that I know he found you." I can hear my dad shuffling around a bit, probably getting more comfortable. I guess this is going to be a much longer phone call than even I anticipated.

"I guess he hasn't told you yet that he came to see me a few months after you broke up." I'm not sure if he's asking me a question or merely stating a fact he already knows.

"No. We haven't really talked about his life in Ohio after that Christmas." I respond quietly. I don't want to distract my dad from telling me his story.

"Well, I don't think he'll mind me telling you all this. Especially since I waited until now. It can't hurt now." He pauses for a moment and then continues. "He was having some trouble with his car, so he drove into the shop that April. He walked into the office and when he saw me, I heard him mutter 'this was a mistake' and he turned to leave. I stopped him."

"Of course you did." I say, my voice full of understanding and gratefulness. Just because I had been a fool to throw Blaine away, didn't mean my dad had to make the same mistake. I should have known he wouldn't have.

"For what its worth, he looked awful. It had been almost four months but to look at his sad eyes and demeanor, I would have thought you had just dumped him yesterday." My dad said softly. I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me with that image, that he was trying to help me see that I had it wrong all along. He doesn't know how painfully aware I am of this already.

When I don't comment, he continues. "I don't remember all the details of our conversation, but I do remember him swearing on Pavarotti's grave that he never cheated on you. I believed him and I told him that. We never really talked about you. I didn't think it was fair. If you hadn't contacted him, then I didn't want to violate your trust in me. I just need you to know that before I tell you the rest." His voice is sincere and loving.

"I know Dad. I never thought you had. He knew exactly where I was and how to find me. I didn't think you gave him anything he didn't already know. In fact, I'm guessing you gave him something so much more important than that." I can feel the tears trailing slowly down my cheeks. Their warmth is comforting because I know what is coming now. I know exactly what my dad did. And then it all comes pouring out of him, like I had just popped the cork off a bottle under pressure. He had kept it inside for too long.

"I fixed his car and we agreed to keep in touch. He and I had both lost you to the big city. We found comfort in each other in a way that I was surprised by. Plus, I had already loved him like a third son. And he still needed a parental figure. His parents were as useless as ever and Cooper was never around anyway. He used to come by the shop occasionally, just to chat. He never came to the house. He said it was too painful, so I never pushed it. I was the one who made sure his car could handle the drive from Ohio to New York. I knew the day he left for Manhattan. I've been waiting ever since for you to call me and tell me that you found your way back to each other." He chokes on the last sentence. I'm stunned into silence.

I want to be angry. My younger self would have been. I can hear the tantrum in my head. My father, the man that yells at me if I don't tell the full truth about every fucking detail of my life, had an entire secret relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I want to scream and throw things and tell him I feel betrayed.

Except, that I don't.

Because deep down inside, I know I'm the reason why he didn't tell me. But I need to hear it from him.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me about all of this sooner?" I ask, sounding like a much younger version of myself.

"Kurt, I couldn't. It wasn't even Blaine. He never asked me to keep it a secret. But I just knew if I told you, you would be a mess. You would spend every second wondering when Blaine was going to knock on your door. You would stop living your life. And you needed to live your life. You've grown and changed so much. I was sad that Blaine waited to contact you, but I see now that maybe, he knew exactly what he was doing." My dad pauses for a moment, but I can tell he has something else he wants to say. "How are things between you now? I assume you called to tell me because it's not a small fling, but something bigger than that."

I laugh. "Oh Dad, you know Blaine and I could never be a fling. I love him. I never stopped loving him."

"Yeah bud, I know. I'm just relieved to hear that you know it too." I can hear the smile that is spread across my father's face.

We talked for a few more minutes. My dad filling me in on the Lima gossip and how Finn is doing. I really do need to call my brother more often. But at least my dad is happy to give me the highlights.

As we say our goodbyes, I feel myself getting choked up, which used to happen a lot when I first moved to New York. "Hey Dad, thank you" are my final words. He knows exactly what I'm thanking him for.

* * *

I haven't told Blaine yet, that I spoke to my dad. It doesn't seem like the type of thing I could just text to him.

_Hey, heard you and my dad were moonlighting as father & son behind my back. Its cool._

I'm sure we'll talk about it. Just like I'm sure we'll talk about all the other things that are still unsaid. I just don't know when that will be. If this week has taught me anything, it's that our schedules are like a third person in this relationship. We have to find a way for everyone to get along.

Thank goodness the show is practically running itself at this point. Although, maybe if I'd had that as a distraction, I wouldn't be in such a tizzy right now. I don't do well when I have too much time to think.

Apparently, I'm not the only one aware of this fact.

"Whoa baby, you gotta get out of your head." Harmony approaches me quickly from behind. She wraps her arms tightly around me and rocks us back and forth.

"Its really that obvious?" I place my hand on her arm and squeeze.

"Oh yeah. I could hear you over thinking from my dressing room. You need to relax. I know you haven't seen Blaine since you and he," she grinds her hips forward into mine, "but its not like he hasn't contacted you. He didn't just sleep with you for old times sake and then run away."

"That's what I keep telling me myself. It helps for a few hours and then I get worried again." I break free from her hold and turn so that we are facing each other. "I just need to see him." I sigh and she nods her head in agreement.

The show that evening goes flawlessly. I congratulate myself once again on gruelling hours of practice and my ability to spot true talent from a mile away. We only have 8 more performances of Grease and then it's time to cast our next production. Which incidentally, I still need to choose. I'll make the decision this week, I promise myself. When my head feels less full of soft brown curls and glowing amber eyes.

"You're doing it again." This time it's Rachel who catches me thinking too much. Clearly I need to take my overactive mind and hide in my office. I try to make my escape but Rachel grabs my hand.

"Nope. We are heading out for a girls' night. Harm is getting the cab right now. Let's go." Rachel says in her best do not argue with me about this because you will lose and end up crying voice.

I don't argue. We stop by my office so I can get my wallet and coat. Rachel keeps a firm grasp on my hand the entire time, like I might try to make a run for it if she releases me. I haven't figured out if I would, but it doesn't matter, I never get the chance.

We exit the theatre into the cool autumn evening. Harmony is tapping her foot to a song only she can hear playing in her head while she waits for us. She smiles widely at Rachel and then opens the door. Rachel slides in first, followed by Harmony. I love my friends for knowing me so well. I cannot handle the middle seat. Too much physical contact and wrinkling of my clothes usually occurs.

I guess Harmony already told the driver where we were going, which I'm still in the dark about, because as soon as I shut the door the cab shoots off into the night.

We drive a surprisingly short distance. I inhale sharply as the building comes into view but I don't have time to react before I am being unceremoniously shoved out of the cab by Harmony. I manage a weak squawk in protest but my heart isn't it. Nope, my heart is already inside the doors of _The Dreamers Lounge_. Because inside there is Blaine.

"Go see your boyfriend, Kurt. We've spent too many nights watching you mope before he came back into your life. We want to see that stupid smile he puts on your face when you come to work tomorrow. Got it?" Harmony shouts at me as she shuts the car door again and it quickly pulls away.

I don't pause, I don't second guess myself. I step up to the door and push it open with all the confidence in the world. And I am immediately rewarded with the sound of Blaine's voice. He's singing a song I don't recognize, perhaps its one of his own. I'm slowly drawn further into the club by that sound alone.

I'm surprised to see that most of the tables are occupied. I can hear the murmur of a few conversations, but generally the audience is hanging on Blaine's every melody.

His song ends and the applause is wonderful. He clearly has a lot of fans here. He knows it too and looks into the audience to acknowledge them. He spots me almost instantly, like he could sense my presence. He doesn't smile or linger too long on me. But I saw the subtle change in his eyes when he noticed me. It fills my veins with warmth and love, and every single stupid moment of anxiety that I had this week is erased in that instant.

I recognize the next song immediately. Even though he's playing it on the piano and the tempo is slowed way down. He looks toward me and nods his head ever so slightly. This song is for me.

_"My heart stops when you look at me_

_Just one touch, now baby I believe_

_This is real, so take a chance_

_And don't ever look back, don't ever look back"_

My mind flashes to an all boys' show choir in matching blazers and pretty faces. I see their lead singer with his gorgeous eyes and charismatic smile. I feel the instant attraction I had for him, for them, for the safety and security I felt there.

But then I'm brought back to this moment and I see the same gorgeous eyes and charismatic smile, but the song is slower now, more soulful and the feeling of attraction is so much more now. Its love and trust and faith.

He plays the final notes and the room is filled with applause once more. He thanks them all for coming and hopes that everyone will return for his set next week as well. He rises from the piano and locks eyes with me. He starts walking in a straight line toward me but then there's a small blonde girl blocking his path.

I see the confused look on his face and know that she is a stranger. She's talking animatedly with her arms and I see her slip a small piece of paper in his back pocket. I am appalled at her forwardness. That ass belongs to me. I consider coming to his rescue but a part of me is curious to see how he deals with it. If he's going to be as famous as I think he is one day, he'll need to know how to handle his fangirls.

Blaine reaches into his pocket and withdraws the slip of paper. I watch as he hands it back to her. He whispers something in her ear, and they both turn to look at me. I give Blaine my best adoring look and do my best to not give the girl my death stare. She nods and walks away.

He immediately refocuses on me and does not let anyone get in his path this time. I take a few steps toward him and am greeted by a smothering hug. The smell and warmth of Blaine surrounds me and I collapse a little into his arms.

"I missed you." I say sweetly into his ear.

"I missed you too beautiful. What do you say about going to my place right now, so that we can put an end to missing each other?" His voice is low and wrecked from singing. It does things to me, and I can only nod vigorously into his shoulder in response.

We exit the club arm-in-arm. He told me his apartment is only a few blocks away, so we decide to walk. The night is cool but his body is radiating heat into my side and I don't notice the cold anymore. We don't talk. We just walk huddled together down a street in New York City. And I can't help but feel this is exactly how its suppose to be.

* * *

 **Chapter Ten Notes:** The song Blaine sings for Kurt is _Teenage Dream_ by Katy Perry (but you already knew that). I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter (or if you just want to berate me for leaving it so long), please leave me a comment. xoxo


	12. The Picture

**Chapter 12 - The Picture**

Blaine unlocks his apartment door with a single hand. His other one remains tightly wrapped around my waist, tracing small circles into my side that occasionally extend below the waistband of my jeans. His reluctance to let go of me, is easing the ache in my heart that I had been feeling all week. I'm clearly not the only one becoming addicted to the other's touch, again.

He pauses with his hand on the doorknob, his voice comes out soft and I pick up on the sound of embarrassment hanging around the edges. "Its not much," he gestures with his head toward his apartment.

"This is your home, Blaine. It's everything to me." I kiss his cheek and nuzzle his neck, while I gently push our bodies closer to the door.

When we step inside, I have to restrain myself from breaking free of his hold and running around the apartment like a lunatic. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been fantasizing about his apartment for weeks. In truth, I know so little about his life still. I'm hoping his home will fill in some of the blanks.

But I don't get a chance to look around at all. Blaine is immediately crowding into my personal space and pushing my back against the wall. His hands are roaming freely and forcefully over my chest, relearning the peaks and valleys of my every muscle.

His hot mouth latches onto my neck, as his fingers massage their way under my shirt. I can feel him slowly marking my collarbone and the growl that escapes from my throat would be embarrassing if it wasn't immediately met by a similar sound from Blaine.

I tangle one hand in his curls, tugging his head upward, so that our lips can meet. My other hand is placed on his hip. As our tongues dance in our mouths, my fingers push into his hipbone and pull his groin closer to mine. The minute our bodies connect, I feel fire rushing through my veins and coiling in my cock. I'm already painfully hard, so is Blaine. After a minute of rutting against each other with our pants creating an unpleasant barrier, Blaine is fumbling with the button on my jeans. The growling from both of us hasn't stopped and I probably would have collapsed from the lack of oxygen and blood in my brain right now, if it wasn't for his muscular body holding me up.

He finally succeeds in releasing my erection from the confines of my clothing and immediately he's shoving his own pants down. We crash back together and the friction of skin on skin is heavenly. We both pull off our shirts and toss them to the ground. Our chests bump together, matching the frantic pace of our hearts as the precum we're both leaking provides just the right amount of slickness between our bodies.

Our hands and mouths cover every inch of skin we can reach. I hear the whine in my voice and the desperation in Blaine's as our orgasms approach. Neither one of us can form actual syllables and so its a series of moans, grunts and growls that create the soundtrack to the hottest make out session I've had since we were teenagers.

And that's exactly what this feels like. I feel like my Dad is going to walk in any second, so we're desperately trying to climax before anyone can spoil this moment. All the want and desire of our hormones override every thought in our brains.

Clearly one week apart has been too long for both of us. I find an enormous amount of comfort in that thought.

I feel him sucking a particular sensitive spot on my neck, just below my ear. It seems he's remembered all the right ways to make me fall apart. And before I even realize it, my orgasm is pulsating through my body and his body is trembling in response.

Blaine stays pressed against me for a moment but I collapse to the floor in a sweaty mess the second he steps backward. I can see in his eyes that he'd chuckle, if he had the strength, but he doesn't, so he slides down onto the floor in front of me.

"Wow," is all I can manage at the moment.

"Hi," is his clever response as a blissed out expression spreads across his face and I am once again reminded just how gorgeous he is.

I watch in awe as his skin starts to pink-up, and then I realize I've been staring at him for longer than is polite.

"Hey you," Blaine cocks an eyebrow at me, "what's going on in that brilliant head of yours?"

"Honestly?" He nods. "I was thinking about how beautiful you are." I watch as the blush on his cheeks deepens and its so dazzling that I keep going, " I mean you were always good looking. But now you're positively stunning."

"Well, you certainly have a way of bringing out the teenager in me," he laughs as his gaze flashes downward to the sticky parts of our bodies.

I laugh too. Loving that we both had the same thought about our intense make out session.

"I'm going to go shower. Would you like to join me?" Blaine stands up and extends his hand downward for me.

I gratefully accept his hand and he pulls me to my feet.

"Not this time," I say softly. "But I wouldn't say no to a washcloth to clean myself up."

"Of course" Blaine says. He doesn't question why I won't join him in the shower, which I am thankful for, since my reason isn't exactly one I want to share right now.

* * *

I hear the shower start as I slowly dress in Blaine's front hallway. I let my eyes linger around his apartment. It's smaller than mine and certainly shows its age, but its warm and inviting. I know everything contained in this apartment, is something Blaine worked for on his own. That makes my heart swell with pride.

I slowly walk further into the apartment and take a tour of the tiny living room. The dark green couch is worn with use but looks extremely comfortable. The coffee table and end tables don't match but they add character to the room. The television is small, but the stereo system is massive. I am not surprised. His CD collection is fairly large and stacked neatly in piles on a bookcase. Between the CD piles are tons of books. Mostly paperbacks, all of them well worn, as if Blaine had read each a hundred times. I recognize quite a few from his room at Dalton.

My eyes are slowly drawn upward on the bookcase. An entire shelf is devoted to framed photographs. I devour each one hungrily, looking for clues about Blaine's life.

The smiling faces of The Warblers are staring back at me in one picture. I see the National's trophy on the floor, right in front of a beaming Blaine. Looking at the joy in his eyes, causes a smile to spread across my own face. I recognize a few of The Warblers, but most are unfamiliar to me. I can't help but wonder if he's still in contact with any of them.

Then I spot a picture of Blaine standing in front of his car, clearly loaded with everything he owns, holding a cardboard sign that reads "NYC or bust". I can see the excitement and anticipation in his eyes, his smile is a nervous, smaller version of its usual self. I want to reach back in time and hug him. Tell him that his dreams are going to come true and assure him that I'm here, waiting for him.

Beside this one is a frame that's holding two photographs. The first one is of a very sweaty Blaine lifting a beer toward the camera as he sits on his green couch. At the other end of the couch is a cute brunette man that I immediately recognize as Nick. His beer is lifted toward Blaine. I can see boxes piled high behind the couch and realize that this must have been taken the day Blaine moved into this apartment. I release a small sigh of relief at seeing Nick in the picture, obviously he had been helping Blaine move in. The thought that Blaine had been alone in New York City for years, had been haunting me. I should have known that his friends were still around to support him. I'm the only person foolish enough to let Blaine walk out of my life. Most people are smart enough to know that once you have even a piece of Blaine's heart, you hold onto it for dear life.

I shift my eyes to the other picture in the frame, and see that Nick and Blaine are sitting in the exact same positions, but all the boxes are gone and Blaine isn't nearly so sweaty. I laugh out loud at how adorable they both look. Its obvious they were working hard to mimic their earlier poses. I can't help but wonder who took the picture and was it the same person both times.

My train of thought is interrupted when I feel strong arms embrace me from behind. Blaine pulls me in close to him and I feel his warmth surround me. I sigh and tilt my head back to rest on his shoulder. He shakes his head a little and few droplets of water land on my face. He laughs when I squeal in response, his entire body shaking mine.

"Which one were you looking at?" Blaine asks softly in my ear.

I raise my hand and point to the mirror images of him and Nick.

"Those pictures were taken three months apart. It was a running joke that I would never get my apartment unpacked. So we decided to commemorate the moment with a photo. This was the first apartment I lived in by myself. I had always had roommates before. I've been here about a year now. It was a big deal." I listen intently, basically holding my breath because I don't want him to stop telling me, to stop sharing this piece of himself. I love that there isn't a trace of embarrassment in his voice. This apartment is small, but he truly earned every square inch of it.

I wait a few seconds, to make sure he's done, before asking, "Is Nick here in New York?"

I feel him nod before he opens his mouth to respond. "Yeah, he went to  _Columbia_  for their Theatre Arts program. He graduated this spring. He's been auditioning like crazy and has landed a few smaller roles, but he's still waiting for his big break."

"Oh, isn't it strange that I never saw him around...he should have auditioned for our theatre. He's got a great voice and I always thought of him as a friend." I'm being completely sincere, but I can feel Blaine tensing and shifting uncomfortably behind me.

"He uh, he thought about it. But I begged him not to." Blaine takes a deep breath and then continues, "he's been my best friend since Dalton. Some days it felt like he was the only person I had. I told you before, I wasn't prepared to contact you yet. If he had auditioned for you, you would have reconnected and become friends again too. He always liked you Kurt, even after you, um, left. He's never once called me crazy for pining over you, he's always been supportive. And I would have wanted to be supportive of him. So if you had cast him, I would have needed to go to the shows. I just wasn't ready. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to him too, because I made him miss a great opportunity with your company. Thankfully, his parents are helping to support him because they believe in him." Blaine's voice breaks a little on the last three words.

I turn in his arms, so that I can embrace him. I pull back slightly and lock eyes with him. I can see the amber glistening with moisture. I lean forward and kiss each eye softly.

"He has not lost the opportunity. I'll be recasting again in a few weeks, tell him to come and audition. I am in desperate need of talented male performers." I squeeze Blaine tightly, so that he knows I'm serious.

He nods his head in confirmation when he realizes I won't continue until he acknowledges what I said.

"And I know for a fact that Nick wasn't the only one rooting for you." He looks at me clearly puzzled. "I spoke with my Dad this week," I watch as the realization of what I'm alluding to sinks in.

He pulls me forward and we nestle onto his couch wrapped up in each other's arms. And my earlier assessment was accurate, the couch is very comfortable.

"Burt told you. Everything." Blaine says slowly.

I can't read his reaction. So I just shake my head up and down and then rest it in the crook of his neck.

"He was, he is, amazing," Blaine breathes out. "I just hope you aren't mad. Especially at him for keeping it from you?"

"I'm not mad," I assure him. And I'm not. "I'm so glad he was there for you Blaine. He actually cried when I told him that you and I were together now."

"I'd believe it," Blaine smirks and hugs me a little tighter. "I love knowing that he's happy you're with me. Having his support made all the difference during some very dark days."

"That's why I'm not mad," I say quietly, I can hear the tears in my eyes, I know Blaine can too. "I never wanted to abandon you, but that's exactly what I did. I was so focused on myself, I never stopped to think that you weren't just losing me. I'm just so glad that my father is a better man than I was. He loved you so much already, he never stopped loving you." Neither did I, is the unsaid thought that's left in air between us. I swipe clumsily at my eyes.

"Please don't cry, Kurt." Blaine gently reaches for my chin and tilts my face so that he can see my eyes. "Although, you are breathtaking when your eyes shimmer with tears."

I move closer and bring our lips together. The kiss is slow and sweet. Its filled with my apology for hurting him and his forgiveness for my mistakes of the past. As our lips part and our tongues meet, I am overwhelmed with my love for him. I may not be ready to say the words out loud, after all, I've said them to him before and then trampled on his heart. I feel like they would be meaningless right now. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to show him I love him with my actions.

We kiss contentedly for a few minutes. Our hands resting still on each other's arms. The smell and taste of him is intoxicating and I'm reminded once more of how much I missed him over these last few years. And how addicted I feel I'm becoming to him again.

In between kisses I'm able to stutter the word "bed...room". He pulls me upward, arms still wrapped tight around my body and leads me the few steps toward his room.

He turns on a bedside lamp and my eyes scan the room quickly. His bedroom is all dark greens and blues. I love it instantly. It's the perfect combination of warmth and masculinity. I notice a well used guitar propped up in the corner, a few sheets of music scattered nearby. The bedside table is occupied by the lamp that's currently on and a few books stacked in a neat pile. But its his dresser that my eyes are drawn to. Sitting on top are three framed photos. I pull free from his embrace and step across the room.

The first picture is of Cooper and Blaine at Blaine's graduation from  _Dalton_. I recognize the picturesque landscape immediately. The sun is shining in their eyes, so both men are squinting but their smiles are carefree and their arms are around each other's backs. I smile just seeing them both looking so happy and carefree together.

The second picture is of Blaine performing at  _The Dreamer's Lounge_. I'm guessing it's his first night. He's seated at the piano but looking out toward the audience. His expression is a complex mix of pride, amazement, excitement and nerves. It saddens me to know that I missed that moment, but I truly believe he will have other great first performances and I promise myself that I will be there for every single one.

The third picture takes my breath away. I forgot how much I loved this picture, a magical moment between him and I caught on film. We were outside my house, getting ready to leave for my senior prom. The limousine had arrived and we both reached for the door handle at the same time, to open the door for the other one. We aren't even touching, but the air between us is electrified with our love and devotion to each other. Our faces are mirror images with wide smiles and eyes filled with adoration. That one moment had been my favourite from the entire night. I was so grateful afterward that my Dad had insisted on photographing every single second of our departure. I can't believe that he has it on his dresser. I can't help but wonder how long it has been there.

I turn around to ask him, but I'm once again caught off guard by his beauty. He's standing beside his bed, just watching me. I can see the love in his eyes but I can also see a small glimmer of disbelief that I'm standing here, in his bedroom. The question dies on my lips as I cross the room, determined to wipe away any doubts that linger in his mind.

"I'm here. I'm yours." I whisper into his ear, letting my lips brush against the curved skin there.

"Stay the night?" Blaine asks hopefully.

"You couldn't get rid of me if you tried." I leave a small trail of wet kisses down his neck.

I pull his shirt over his head and then remove mine. I push him gently backward, he gets the hint and pulls his covers back before lying down in the middle of the bed.

I crawl on top of him and lean down so that my mouth is beside his ear again. It has been a long time since I sang for anyone this intimately, but there is nothing that can express my feelings better. In that way, and in many others, he and I are the same.

_"We got the afternoon_

_You got this room for two_

_One thing I've left to do_

_Discover me_

_Discovering you"_

I suck and nip lightly at Blaine's neck while I trail my fingers teasingly up and down his chest. I revel in the feeling of him shivering beneath my touch.

While my mouth is occupied on his skin, he sings the next line, slow and sweetly above my head.

_"One mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain"_

I pull off his neck with a swipe of my tongue along the darkening skin and move a finger to press softly against his lips, silencing him.

_"One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue"_

I remove my finger from his lips and replace it with my mouth, licking softly until he opens his mouth and our tongues meet. I can feel his smile against my lips.

_"'Cause if you want love_

_We'll make it_

_Swimming a deep sea_

_Of blankets_

_Take all your big plans_

_And break 'em_

_This is bound to be a while"_

I slowly kiss my way down his torso. Tracing my lips and tongue along every hard angle and soft curve. I reach the waistband of his pants and gently tug downward. He lifts his hips and I smirk when I realize that he isn't wearing any underwear under this sweatpants.

_"Your body is a wonderland_

_Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)_

_Your body is a wonderland"_

I take his already throbbing cock in my hands and pump lazily. He tries to thrust into my hand but I hold his hips down and increase the speed of my hand, swiping his precum along the entire length of his shaft. He moans gratefully.

_"Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face_

_I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase_

_You tell me where to go and_

_Though I might leave to find it_

_I'll never let your head hit the bed_

_Without my hand behind it"_

I lean forward and take him entirely into my mouth. I release his hips and he begins to fuck my mouth greedily. I hum the tune of the song and he shouts my name as he fills my mouth with spurt after spurt of hot cum. I wait until his body stills again before pulling off.

I glance upward to see his eyes are closed. I pause a moment and he understands I want him to look at me. I deliberately put two of my fingers into my mouth and suck seductively. His eyes widen and then he reaches into his bedside table and hands me a bottle of lube. I kiss his thighs in appreciation as I coat my fingers.

_"You want love_

_We'll make it"_

I slowly stroke his entrance and gently insert one finger at a time while rubbing his thigh and singing softly.

_"Swimming a deep sea_

_Of blankets_

_Take all your big plans_

_And break 'em_

_This is bound to be a while"_

It doesn't take long for him to rock himself down onto my three fingers. I know he's ready. I coat my own throbbing erection and ever so slowly slip inside of him. For a second I cannot form the next line of the song, as his tight heat surrounds me and I'm overwhelmed with the knowledge that I'm fucking Blaine. There was a time where I thought this was only ever going to happen again in my dreams.

I regain my focus of wanting to worship him and drag myself almost all the way out before I slide back in and then rock my hips in time to the chorus.

_"Your body is a wonderland_

_Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)_

_Your body is a wonderland"_

He's already hard again and so I take him into my hands and we find the perfect rhythm. The next lines of the song are so accurate that I thrust on each beat, just to punctuate their meaning.

_"Damn baby_

_You frustrate me_

_I know you're mine all mine all mine_

_But you look so good it hurts sometimes"_

I'm stroking his prostate with every inward movement now and he's writhing beneath me. I can't finish the song as my own orgasm builds inside my body and threatens to tear me apart. He tightens one last time around my cock, as his warmth spills onto my hand and his stomach. Watching him fall apart, for the third time tonight, is better than any visual I ever had in my dreams. The thought that this is real, that's he's here, loving me again, pushes me over the edge. I scream his name, as I have a thousand times before, but this time he hears me.

* * *

We're snuggled together under his covers. He's the small spoon and I'm gently kissing his curls, and humming softly.

"I can't believe I just had three orgasms. You're incredible." Blaine says, his voice filled with awe.

"You're the amazing one. And don't forget, I'm your teenage dream." I squeeze him tighter and kiss his head.

"Yes, yes you are." Blaine says contently and relaxes deeper into my embrace.

I sing softly, my voice filled with love as he falls asleep in my arms.

_"Your body is a wonderland_

_Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)_

_Your body is a wonderland_

_Your body is a wonderland."  
_

* * *

**Chapter 12 End Notes:** The song Kurt sings to Blaine is "Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer.


	13. The Brunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a million things I wanted to say about why it took me so long to update and how sorry I am, but given recent events, I feel like we don't need another reminder of how real life gets in the way of our best intentions. Just please know that I love you all and that I'm here if you ever need to talk.
> 
> With that being said, I do think it's important to remind people that the first 12 chapters were posted before Season 3 even ended, and that the rest of this story was written after Season 4 aired. Things I thought would be AU in this story got much closer to canon than I ever wanted.
> 
> Also, I wasn't going to post this until I had the rest of the chapters written, but this is my way to spread some light during these dark days. So I couldn't hold onto it any longer. The next chapter is done and the rest of the story is completely mapped out. I promise this story will be completed. So without further ado, welcome back to Klaine in New York City. Enjoy! xo

**Chapter 13 - The Brunch**

Everything about waking up in Blaine's apartment is perfect. The dark blue paint on the walls creates a cave like effect, even though I know the sun is already shining outside. The forest green sheets are soft from wear and the comforter is tucked in around us in all the right spots. Yep, everything is perfect. Well, except for the sound of an alarm that just won't stop beeping. It is the reason I'm even awake. After a week of sleeplessness nights, this has been the kind of night's sleep my body was craving. I think I could have slept for a couple more hours wrapped in the comfort of Blaine's bedroom. But alas, the beeping continues and it's worse than Rachel's finger tapping when she's feeling impatient, which happens far more often than is really necessary.

I squeeze Blaine a little tighter as he still lies cocooned in my arms. Apparently three orgasms is enough to make him sleep so deeply he doesn't even move during the night. Or perhaps, his body is so content in my embrace there really was no need to shift positions while he slept. And while I want to delve further into this second thought, the incessant beeping continues and no matter how comfortable we both are, I can't enjoy it until Blaine makes it stop.

"Blaine, babe, please shut off your alarm," I whisper, as kindly as possible. I refuse to let this ruin our morning. In the end, it doesn't matter what woke me. The important thing is that I woke up with Blaine in my arms. That is truly an amazing start to any day.

"Sorry. It's not an alarm, it's Nick texting me." Blaine reaches forward and grabs his phone from the nightstand. He silences the beeping immediately and then swipes to read the multiple messages.

I bury my face into his messy curls and inhale deeply. The woodsy scent fills my senses and I chuckle softly when I realize he still uses the same shampoo he did when we were teenagers. It was months after we started dating before I even learned what his shampoo smelled like, since the raspberry scent of his hair gel always dominated. The earthiness of the shampoo is much better suited to Blaine. I shift a little closer and wrinkle my nose to try and capture more of the scent.

"Tickles," Blaine laughs and pulls his head away a little bit.

I hear him typing a response to Nick and bite the inside of my cheek to stop from asking him what he's saying. It's not that I think he's keeping secrets, in fact, it's the opposite of that now. I know he would tell me anything if I asked. I just need to make sure I'm asking the right questions.

In the end, it doesn't matter, because he turns around and tells me without any prompting.

"So, I got a little bit distracted last night," he leans forward and kisses me quickly, "in the best way possible, and forgot that today is Sunday." I watch as a rosy blush colours his cheeks and he looks away embarrassed.

I know he doesn't go to church, so clearly there is something else that has become significant about this day for him. And for a moment, I don't know if I should feel terrible or terribly flattered that I made him forget about it. Either way, he is clearly feeling horrible about it and well, I just can't have that.

"Blaine, whatever it is, don't worry. If you need me to leave, it's okay. I won't be upset. Just tell me." I reassure him as best as I can with my words and then with a soft, lingering kiss and gentle caress of my fingers through his hair.

He hums happily, closes his eyes and relaxes into my touch.

"I have brunch with Nick on Sundays," Blaine states. He opens his eyes slowly and must see the confusion on my face. "Every Sunday. For the last three years." He offers as an explanation.

"Oh no, I've made you late for your brunch," my voice is apologetic as I try to untangle our limbs and clamour out of his warm bed. I try to keep the self-berating to a minimum in the moment, so that I can focus on getting out of his apartment as quickly as possible. I'll have hours to engage in that later. To chide myself for being back in Blaine's life for a few lousy weeks and already coming between him and his best friend. The best friend who was there to pick up the pieces of Blaine when I had shattered his heart. These thoughts are racing around my brain, and I've only taken a single step forward when I feel Blaine's hand wrap securely around my forearm.

"Get back here," Blaine demands and tugs me back into bed. There is no question, and I don't hesitate. He wraps me in his arms and kisses my neck. "Don't do that, okay?" Blaine asks.

I'm not entirely sure what 'that' means, so I ask him to clarify.

"That thing where you respond too quickly. Where you don't give me and my barely awake brain a moment to catch up. There's a reason you were always well suited to life in Manhattan, you move faster than any other person I know. Your reflexes, your thought process, you just, you need to take pity on those of us that move slower. You need to give me a minute," Blaine pleads.

There is no animosity in his voice. His entire plea was said with a fondness that warms my heart. It is the voice of a person who knows you so well, that they are able to see things you haven't even begun to recognize in yourself. So as I ponder the implications of everything he has just said, I watch as small worry lines start to form at the corner of his eyes.

"Blaine," I say tenderly and kiss his cheek, "I'm not going anywhere. Take as much time as you need." I snuggle further down until my head is resting on his chest and his heartbeat is the only sound I hear.

"Okay, good. Sorry, if I went off on you a bit there. It's just that waking up in your arms, in my bed, was a lot for me to take in," Blaine confesses. "And then forgetting about brunch with Nick, my head and my heart are spinning here."

Blaine sighs into my hair and holds me a little tighter. I place a kiss on his chest, just above his heart and wait patiently for him to speak.

"I want you to come with me," Blaine says.

"To brunch?" I lift my head off his chest so I can see his face.

"Yes," he confirms and nods his head. "Nick would love to see you again, and honestly, I'm not ready to let you out of my sight." Blaine flushes a little pink with the last few words. It's the most adorable thing I've seen in a very long time. "Last week was really hard, for both of us, I think?"

I nod quickly, so that he doesn't wonder if he was alone in feeling that way.

"So you'll come?" I snicker into his chest and it clearly takes him a moment before he realizes what's so funny. He traces a line slowly down my naked back and along the curve of my ass. With his hand resting there, he gives a small squeeze, "I definitely have plans for that later. But right now, we need to shower if we're going to get to brunch on time."

"Sounds like a perfect day," I reply. I move upward on his chest and kiss his lips. It's soft and sweet and full of love.

* * *

We stroll down the street on the way to the restaurant holding hands. Blaine explains that he and Nick have tried dozens of places for brunch but that this one is their favourite, and conveniently, it's within walking distance of Blaine's apartment. As we walk, he tells me a little more about their standing brunch date and I appreciate the glimpse into Blaine's life over the last few years. It's been a slow process to get him to open up about it. Every little piece feels like a treasure he's trusting me with.

Apparently, it started when Blaine first arrived in Manhattan. Nick being the amazing friend he is, knew that Blaine had limited financial resources and figured that his meals were nowhere near the food they had become accustomed to at Dalton. So Nick would take him out for brunch once a week and make sure he ate well. It was also an excuse for the friends to see each other, now that they weren't living in the dorms together. It took Blaine a few weeks to realize exactly what Nick was up to, but by then he wasn't about to turn it down. He knew pride wasn't nearly as important as having friends who not only wanted to help you but had found a way to do it without making you feel badly about it. And he was enjoying their brunch dates too much to turn them down.

"Now, three years later, it's the highlight of my week," Blaine finished telling me. "Well," he added, "it was the highlight of my week until recently. Now it seems I'm lucky enough to have multiple highlights."

"I'm glad," I reply honestly, "I want your life to be full of great things." And in that moment I feel a great difference between who we are today as individuals, and as couple, compared to who we used to be. I no longer feel jealous if I'm not the single most important person in his life. In fact, I don't want to be. That put way too much pressure on him and on me. I know now that his love for me isn't diminished by the other people also being in his heart. That Blaine is capable of loving all of us. And he's always taught me that I am capable of loving more than just myself, it just took me longer than I'd like to admit to learn that lesson.

He steers me into the restaurant with a warm hand on the small of my back and I immediately spot Nick. His chestnut hair falls over his forehead and his brown eyes sparkle with happiness when he sees us walking toward him. I notice a day or two worth of growth on his chin but the years it adds to his face are instantly erased when he smiles.

Nick hugs Blaine as soon as we're in touching distance. When they separate, Blaine turns Nick toward me and says smoothly, "I think you remember Kurt."

"It's good to see you again Kurt," Nick greets me with a genuine smile and a quick up and down glance. If he knows I'm wearing Blaine's clothes, he's too much of a gentleman to comment.

"You too, Nick." We don't hug, or even touch, but the smiles are warm and our voices are welcoming. I'm grateful I didn't know about brunch until an hour ago. I haven't had time to panic or overthink.

A silence settles over the table as we sit down at the table set for four and look at our menus. I realize that Blaine never told me if he, or Nick, ever brought any one else along for their brunch dates. And a little thrill runs through me at the thought that I might be the first one. That we're really doing this. That we're fitting each other back into our lives, slowly.

The waitress comes by, clearly Blaine wasn't joking about how often they've frequented this particular restaurant over the last three years. She greets them both by name and when she glances at me with a quizzical look, Blaine is quick to help her out, "This is Kurt, my boyfriend."

Somehow I manage to squeak out a hello, but I definitely do not catch her name. I'm too busy doing a happy dance in my head at hearing Blaine call me his boyfriend to a person I don't even know.

I feel Nick's eyes on me but I can't quite bring myself to look at him. I don't know what I expect I'll see in his face. But if it's disapproval, I know I'm not ready for that slap of reality just yet.

Of course, two minutes later, when Blaine excuses himself to go to the bathroom, leaving me alone with Nick. I decide to face the insecurity head on.

I wait until Blaine is far enough away from the table that he can't overhear our conversation. Then I look straight at Nick.

"Go ahead," I say, preparing myself for a verbal lashing, looking across the table at Nick.

"Go ahead with what?" Nick asks having the decency to look puzzled.

"Go ahead and tell me how I broke him in high school. How hard it was for you to put the pieces back together. Tell me how if I hurt him again, you and your Warbler brothers will hunt me down this time." I take a deep breath, "Go ahead and tell me how I don't deserve him."

I hold my gaze steady. I won't shy away from whatever Nick has to say. Blaine says he's forgiven me but I'm not so sure all the other people in his life will be so magnanimous.

I wait thirty seconds and when Nick still hasn't said anything in return, I can't stand the silence.

"I was selfish and stupid and weak. I'm not saying I'm perfect now, because I'm definitely not. But I love him with all my heart, even if I haven't said that to him yet. I don't want to just say the words, I want him to feel it. I want him to know that I have lived every day regretting my decision to walk away but being too much of a coward to do anything to fix it." One quick inhale, and I'm off and running again, " He told me he's been here for a while, even seen my NYADA performances, that he spent all these years believing I didn't want him or that he wasn't good enough for me. I will spend all the rest of our years together proving to him that he's everything to me. I'm going to make mistakes but I will never break his heart again, because I could never break my own again either. And I just hope, I really want, you to be onboard with this. With us."

My face is hot from having said it all. I didn't hold back, I'm done holding back. If Blaine and I have any chance at this lasting for the rest of our livess, there will be no uncertainties. I need to know where Nick stands, even if it hurts to hear it.

"Well, I may have had my reservations. But after that little speech you just made, I'm going to hold off on passing any judgment. Clearly you're as passionately committed to Blaine now as he seems to think you are. So, I'll just say that I will hunt you down if you turn away from him again, but mostly because you'd probably both need a good smack. And I'm not above being the person who does that. Heck, I would have done it four years ago, if you'd given me that chance." Nick smiles and takes a breath, "I missed you, Kurt. We were friends, and not just because you were dating Blaine."

I can feel the prick of tears in my eyes. I blink rapidly and swallow hard before I can even open my mouth to respond. And then the best I can manage is, "I missed you too," before Blaine is sliding back into his seat at the table, looking anxiously between the two of us.

"Everything okay?" he asks nervously, reaching forward and taking my hand.

"Kurt and I were just getting reacquainted," Nick offers, "and I think it was a bit more emotional than either of us were expecting."

Blaine squeezes my hand, "Good."

Our waitress, Dawn, I learn from her nametag, brings our food at that moment and all awkwardness that hung in the air around us wafts away as the smells of waffles, bacon and eggs fills our noses. I didn't realize how hungry I was until my stomach growls its thank you at the first delicious bite. As I fade to the background to focus on eating, Blaine and Nick fall into what is obviously their regular pattern.

They share gossip about their mutual friends.

"Wes finally proposed to Leah," Nick told Blaine between mouthfuls of French Toast.

"That's great. I was beginning to think he'd never get the balls. He was carrying that ring around for weeks," Blaine said.

"Yeah, apparently she said 'yes' before he even got all the words out. I don't know why he was nervous," Nick laughs. "So they're planning a Thanksgiving wedding next year, hoping that all their friends scattered around the country for school will be able to make it back. Leave it to Wes to find a girl at Harvard, who grew up 3 hours away from us in Charleston. They're going to have the wedding in Westerville, because he has the bigger family and apparently the Warblers outnumber her friends attending the wedding."

"That's great. He's going to be the first one of us to get married. I wouldn't miss it," Blaine replies and then glances at me. "And I can certainly relate to learning that your heart was always close to home, even if you had to travel far away to find it."

I can feel myself blush, as Nick averts his eyes, and I lean across our plates and kiss Blaine softly on the lips. His declaration makes me bold, so before I lose my nerve, I say, "If you play your cards right, you might even have a date for that wedding."

"I'm counting on it," Blaine says with absolute certainty.

"I hope the rest of the guys don't have to wait that long to see you again, but I know Wes will be thrilled to have you there too, Kurt," Nick startles me with his words. For a second, I had forgotten we weren't alone.

"I'm already looking forward to it," I tell him.

"So how did this week's auditions go?" Blaine asks Nick, thankfully taking the focus of us and what I'm sure is a nauseating level of sweetness.

"The usual," Nick tells Blaine with a shrug and a tone of defeat I don't like hearing.

"That sucks. I'm sure something will come along soon," Blaine reassures his friend.

"I may have a lead on a role for you," I state quietly, unsure how Nick will feel about my offer.

"Really? I'm open to all suggestions at this point. If I don't land something soon, I think my parents are going to start pressuring me to get a 'real job' which would suck," Nick replies as he looks at me expectantly.

"Well, I know  _The Mechanicals Theatre_  will be holding open auditions in a couple of weeks," I say with a conspiratorial tone and a wink. "I can put a good word in for you with their casting director."

"Kurt, are you sure? I don't want to take advantage of your relationship with Blaine the second you guys get back together. I mean, I wanted to audition," Nick pauses and glances questioningly at Blaine.

"I told him," Blaine confirms, "After he asked me why you hadn't already auditioned for him. This is about you Nick, not us."

"Nick, I'm not offering because you're Blaine's best friend. I'm offering because I desperately need talented male leads. And I've seen your performances," I pause and can't stop the blush that is warming my cheeks as I tell them just how I saw those performances. "I, uh, may have googled some Warbler videos when I was missing Blaine this week." I rush through that little bit of information and continue onto the more important part, "And I saw you leading them in the 'Uptown Girl' performance. I liked what I saw. You'd be a great addition to our cast. And you'll still have to go through the regular audition process with everyone else. I can put in a good word for you, but I don't have the final say."

"Okay. You convinced me and I'm not really in a position to turn down a great opportunity like that. Thank you, Kurt," Nick says to me.

"You're welcome. Besides, I think it's in my best interest to stay on your good side," I reply, mostly joking.

"And I won't deny the appeal of having even more excuses to drop by your theatre," Blaine coos at me.

"Okay. Clearly I'm going to have to carry some TUMS with me if we're going to be working together, because of how sickeningly adorable you two are," Nick teases us and tosses his napkin across the table when Blaine leans in to kiss me.

The rest of our meal is spent in a haze of laughter and teasing. After spending so much time with Rachel and Harmony, I forgot how much I loved the camaraderie of the Warblers. Or, more honestly, I forced myself to forget that losing Blaine meant losing the only group of male friends I ever truly had. And that this is yet another way that Blaine makes my life richer.


	14. The Audition

I run my hand over the bright yellow "Final Performance" banner that is splashed across the  _Grease_  poster outside our box office. I can't believe it's closing night on our first musical. There was a time, weeks ago, when I thought we wouldn't be able to pull it off. The costumes were falling apart at the seams, the sets were half painted and the cast were incapable of getting through a rehearsal without missing cues and stepping on each other's toes. It took a few verbal lashings from me, constant reminders that this was their first real shot at making it to Broadway and lots of tears, mixed with some blood, before everyone reminded me why I had chosen them to be a part of this magic. And that's what it felt like now, something truly magical.

"You ready to break it all down and do it again?" Harmony's voice breaks me out of my reverie, as her arm snakes around my waist. The warmth from her body seeps through her pleated black cotton twill trench coat and into my far too thin for the season, but too fabulous not to wear, knit biker jacket.

"Let's get through tonight first," I reply and lean into her embrace, grateful for the warmth and the support. "But yeah, I think I am."

Harmony laughs lightly beside me and nods her head. She knows exactly what I'm thinking. That as much as I love the magic of the nightly performances, the challenge of getting everyone there, that's where my true passion lies. That's what gets me out of bed in the morning and storming down the aisles of the theatre, yelling orders and pushing people to be their best. That's where my commitment to this theatre comes in. So yeah, I'm definitely ready to pull it all apart and build it up again. The fact that that is a good metaphor for my life isn't lost on me and suddenly, I have an urge to track down a phoenix broach before our next production begins rehearsals.

Harmony hums softly beside me, "I assume your gorgeous boyfriend will be in the house tonight?"

"Yes. And he's bringing his friend, Nick. He's going to audition for our next show," I watch her out of the corner of my eye, curious about her reaction.

"Nick is one of the former Warblers you and Rach are always talking about, isn't he?" Harmony asks as she guides me toward the theatre doors.

I hold the door open for her as I answer in the affirmative. "He was a good friend, before, when we were in high school together. And he's Blaine's best friend. It doesn't hurt that he's also talented. I think we'll be lucky to have him."

"Good. Then maybe he'll join us for our cast party tonight. You know, so we can see how he fits in," Harmony winks at me. She knows exactly who Nick is. I showed the Warbler's  _youtube_  videos to her and Rachel a couple of days ago. I also happen to know that Nick is exactly Harmony's type. And while I am never as mettlesome as Rachel, when it comes to my friends' love lives, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to the occasional day dream about how much fun it would be if Nick and Harmony started dating. But, I refuse to interfere. I just may, provide opportunities for them to discover each other on their own.

"I'm sure he could be persuaded." I kiss Harmony on the cheek and walk toward my office as we part ways and she heads for hers.

I open the door to my office and am surrounded by a sweet floral aroma. Taking a few steps in, I notice a large bouquet of white roses standing elegantly on my desk in a crystal vase. Thankfully no one is around to hear the squeal of joy that escapes from my lips as I skip across the room and snatch the card that is nestled between the stems. The card is light blue and one side has a bright red heart surrounded by music notes, the other side contains Blaine's script. My heart is aflutter just from the sight of his penmanship and it tries to beat its way out of my chest as I read his words: Kurt, Glad I don't have to hide in the shadows any more. Break a leg tonight. I'll be standing on my feet before the curtain falls. Love Blaine xo

I read the card a few more times, stopping in between to admire my roses and inhale their sweet fragrance. Then I step behind my desk and pin the note to my small personal cork-board, right beside the note he gave me on the train. They look beautiful sitting side by side.

I pull my phone out of my pocket as I sit down at my desk and send a quick text to Blaine: You spoil me, Blaine. And I love it. Thank you for the gorgeous flowers. Your seats are right up front, I want to see your eyes when I sing my last note tonight. No more shadows for us :) Kurt xxoo

* * *

Rachel and Harmony are dragging me onto centre stage before I have time to protest properly. The lights are bright in my watery eyes, and I'm still in my Teen Angel costume, but the applause is heavenly. I can see Blaine standing on his feet, for me. I bow graciously with my cast and surreptitiously wipe away a tear before more have the chance to fall. This is by far my biggest achievement and I know no one would begrudge me a few happy tears. But I feel like I want to save them, share them, with the people who matter most and not leave them on the stage. There's enough of me on here already.

The next hour is a blur of congratulatory hugs and handshakes and endless questions about what we're performing next.  _West Side Story_.

And who our leads are going to be? We're holding open auditions in two weeks.

And do you think you'll be able to match the production quality next time? I'm certain we will.

Just when I feel like I'm losing my grip on being polite and gracious, I feel a familiar warm hand placed comfortingly on the small of my back as soft lips brush past my ear. "Just a little longer and I'll help you strip off that tie," Blaine whispers seductively in my ear. He only lingers a moment, before he continues stepping through the crowd toward Rachel and Harmony. I notice Nick is following quickly on his heels.

With that one simple line and comforting touch, I feel all the tension ease away and I'm ready to face the last round of schmoozing that is required to keep funders interested in our theatre and the seats filled for every performance. But just because I'm talking to the men and women in suites, doesn't mean I don't hear Harmony's laugh spreading like fairy dust from the corner of back stage. And when I finally join them, I can see that Harmony and Nick are lost together in a private conversation, both their faces ablaze with possibility. Blaine sees me watching them as I approach and pulls me into a quick hug.

"You knew, didn't you?" he whispers in my ear.

"Let's just say I had an inkling they might hit it off, but I wasn't going to push. Looks like I won't have to," I whisper conspiratorially back before tilting my head and capturing Blaine's lips. A small sigh escapes my throat as we kiss. I'd been waiting for this moment all day.

"Break it up you two. There'll be plenty of time for that after we go celebrate," Rachel hisses at us.

Blaine and I separate with wide grins. She's right after all, I already have plans to stay at Blaine's that night. There will be plenty of time for kissing and a whole lot more later. Right now, we need to go carouse with the rest of the cast.

"Lead the way," Blaine tells Rachel with a wink and a bow.

Rachel giggles at his antics as she grabs my hand and tugs me behind her. We grab our coats and walk the few blocks to  _Jazz Hands_ , alternating hand holding. The funniest being when Blaine holds Rachel's hand and I hold Harmony's and I can't stop giggling at how we look like two straight couples. It's really not even that funny, but I'm feeling happier than I have in a long time. The stress of  _Grease_  bubbles out of me with each laugh, so that by the time we get to the bar, I feel like I could float away.

Thankfully, Blaine grabs my hand and grounds me as we walk inside. I can't help but smile a little wider at the fact that he's clearly sending the message that I'm here with him tonight. It doesn't feel possessive, the way it has in the past with other dates. He isn't staking his claim on me, but rather saying that we're moving through these experiences as a unit. I kiss his cheek as we cross the threshold and the music inside immediately has us both swaying with joy.

I'm greeted by endless hugs and demands for a speech. I figure it's best to get it over with before everyone is too drunk to remember that I thanked them all, by name. The cast and crew are small. My speech is short, now that I no longer insist on being the centre of attention. I can appreciate that the reward for all my hard work isn't this moment. It's all the moments that came before and all the ones that come afterwards. Our Frenchy has already had an offer for a role in a small off-Broadway production. She came running into my office before tonight's performance, tears streaming down her face. She's our first success story. The first glimmer of hope that this will work. That one day our little  _Mechanicals Theatre_  will be respected for finding talent before anyone else does. We'll be a modern day version of  _The Second City_.

After my speech, I have to thrust a drink into Rachel's hand to stop her from making one of her own. She may have been the lead for our first production, but this isn't  _New Directions_. There's no denying she's one of our strongest performers, but she is not our only one. My eyes travel around the dance floor as I think about my other star. She is currently rehearsing for her next role and she doesn't even know it yet. I smile softly as Nick twirls Harmony.

"See something you like?" Blaine says directly into my ear, so that I can hear him over the music, and the warmth of his breath sends a shiver down my spine. His eyes following the same path as mine.

"You totally knew!" Rachel screeches, cutting right in between where Blaine and I are swaying together.

I put on my best poker face and raise an eyebrow questioningly. Of course, she knows me better than that. My attempt at playing coy earns me a smack on the arm.

"Don't pull that with me. You knew Harmony would fall for Nick and you didn't even tell me," Rachel finishes with a dramatic pout.

I grab her arm before she can perform her infamous diva storm out. "You would have said something," I pause to make sure she's paying attention, "to Harmony. And then who knows how it would have gone. She would have been second guessing herself all night. Remember Scott?"

All the fight leaves Rachel the instant I mention Harmony's ex-boyfriend. The one Rachel set her up with. The one Harmony dated for nine months because Rachel set her up with him. The one that was never right for her, but that Harmony was convinced that if Rachel thought they were a good match, she must not have been patient enough, caring enough, perfect enough. It took weeks of sleepovers and boxes of kleenex for Harmony to realize that she was trying too hard. That if they didn't click after a third date, they weren't going to click after three months, or six, or nine. And then she had apologized to Rachel for not making it work with Scott. Yeah, Rachel knew exactly why I hadn't told her about Nick.

"Fine. You win," Rachel concedes. "Dance with me?"

"Always," I reply as Blaine kisses me on the cheek and makes his way toward the bar. I wrap my arms around Rachel as she rests her head on my shoulder.

"You did good," she breathes out. I'm not sure if she's talking about Harmony, Blaine or  _Grease_. It doesn't really matter. She's right about any and all of them.

Hours and way too many pink drinks later, I'm wrapped around Blaine on the dance floor. I can't remember the last time I was this drunk. I'm not even moving under my own power any more. My body is plastered to Blaine, every crevice flush against him as he moves for the both of us. The music floats around us and I'm lost in a heavenly haze. We're the last ones standing. The rest of the cast having kissed my cheek farewell awhile ago. It's just Blaine and I, in a bar, in New York City. I'm still not sure when my life took this turn, made itself into something I had only ever dreamed about. But right now, I feel like the luckiest man alive.

"Let's go home," I whisper before sucking softly on Blaine's earlobe. If the use of the word  _home_ , to refer to Blaine's apartment, is stepping over a line, well, both of us are too drunk to care tonight. And thankfully, I'll probably be too hungover to remember tomorrow.

* * *

A week later, I'm standing outside Blaine's apartment, balancing coffees in one hand and my laptop bag in the other. I knock with my knee. I can hear a muffled "coming" and the sound of papers rustling before Blaine swings the door open and smiles gratefully at the coffee I'm holding before looking up at me.

"I have the best boyfriend in the world," he says by way of a greeting and kisses my cheek before he relieves me of the coffees and walks back into his apartment. I admire the view of his ass in his favourite pair of  _Dalton_  sweatpants before I shut the door behind me and toe off my shoes. He's already pushing aside sheets of music on his coffee table so that I'll have somewhere to set-up my laptop. I discovered a few days ago that if I sat on the floor, his coffee table was the perfect height for me to use as a desk. It's quickly becoming my favourite place to work, although that may have something to do with Blaine settling in behind me on the couch, his feet firmly planted on either side of my hips and his right thigh making a perfect pillow when I need to rest my eyes to think through a particular scene.

Which is the position I am currently in, humming "Something's Coming" softly to myself. The lyrics turn themselves over in my head and the ease with which they apply to my current situation isn't as shocking as maybe it should be. And that's something I've been thinking a lot about lately. After all the years, all the changes in each of us, should it really be this easy? Because that's what it is right now. Once Blaine and I got over the initial hesitation and some of the lingering baggage, everything fell into place. And now it feels, almost, as if we never broke up. The weeks counted on a calendar since we reunited do not reflect the depth of our current relationship. But the doubt lingers, it whispers itself in my ear on the few nights I now sleep alone. In those dark moments, I think I should bring it up, ask Blaine if he feels it too.

Blaine absent-mindedly threads his hand through the hair at the nape of my neck, always careful not to mess it up at the front. The gesture is full of love and comfort and the shadows retreat again. I can't bring myself to spoil this moment. And when I turn around on my knees and look up at him through my eye lashes and watch as his eyes darken and his grip on my hair tightens, as he pulls my head upward. I can't bring myself to spoil that moment either. He leans forward and captures my mouth in a searing kiss and my hands begin to stroke his thighs, slowly moving higher and higher until I'm pulling his sweatpants down around his calves and taking his throbbing cock into my mouth. Well, I'm not really in a position to speak and the longer I feel him heavy on my tongue and the more I hear his breathy moans and the reverence with which he exhales my name, everything else fades away. I'm in this moment, surrounded by warmth and the smell and taste of Blaine. My fingertips dig into his hips and pin him into the couch as I feel his balls tighten against my chin. With one final swirl of my tongue across his slit, he his shooting long steady streams of cum down my throat. I swallow eagerly, always happy to show my boyfriend how much I love sucking him off. And Blaine, never one to let someone else's enthusiasm outshine him, his sliding to the floor, pushing me backward and tugging off my jeans before I even finish licking my lips.

When we're both lying on Blaine's living room floor, our pants pooled around our ankles, and my breathing still sporadic, I can barely recall what I was worried about only moments before. It's not just because of our amazing sex life, although I'm certainly not complaining that in the four years we were apart, we both outgrew the awkward blushing stage of sex and moved right into the demanding, knowing what we like stage. Oh! And it feels like all the pieces of my heart settle a little closer together, as I realize that perhaps that's a reflection of our entire relationship now and not just the physical part. Is it too much to hope that we just skipped all the growing pains and found a rhythm that works for us? I'm not certain that is what's happening but after years filled with remorse, I'm just not prepared to question it. And maybe that's a weakness, that I won't ask the questions until I'm ready to deal with the answers. Blaine loves me, even if we haven't said it, even if we don't ever say it again, even if all of this ends. For now, what we have is enough.

* * *

The theatre is silent except for the nervous shuffling from the actors sitting in the front row as they wait for their name to be called. I calmly take a sip of my mocha and watch as Rob pulls the next resume from the pile in front of us.

"Tom Barrett, you're up," Rob calls from our seats in the middle of the auditorium. A lanky boy, much too young looking to be called a man, takes the stage.

"Hi, I'm Tom, I'll be auditioning for the role of Tony," Tom pauses, a cocky grin on his face.

I dislike him immediately and only half listen as he screeches his way through, "Maria".

Clearly Rob shares my opinion, "Thank you," he yells toward the stage, the tone of his voice clearly saying "Stop now and get out of my sight immediately."

Tom has the decency to hurry off the stage as Rob sighs loudly beside me. "Are you sure you don't want to switch to a show that doesn't rely so heavily on a male lead?"

I understand his disheartened mood. We've been here for two and a half hours and have barely found enough male dancers to fill the Jets. Only four of my previous ThunderBirds are returning, some of them having moved onto other productions and some having caved to pressure from their families to find a 'real job'. We are in need of more male performers and we are desperately in need of a Tony. Thankfully, I'm not feeling nearly as discouraged as my boss.

"I'm sure. My Tony is out there," I wave my hand dramatically in the direction of the five remaining guys. "Trust me," I assure Rob.

"I always do," Rob says as he pats me on the shoulder. Harmony and Rachel shift in their seats a row ahead of us and smile at me.

Tony is the only male role that truly matters. He can make or break the entire show. But I'm not worried, because I saw Nick's name on the audition list this morning and I recognize his brunette locks gelled to within an inch of their life, sitting in the front row right now. Despite telling Nick I'd put in a good word for him, I never did tell Rob about him. I decided it was best to get Rob's honest opinion, just in case I'm unfairly biased. Not that that is likely, we all know I'm not one to shy away from criticizing someone. But if Nick can't impress Rob, then he can't be my Tony, no matter how badly Harmony and I want him to be.

Here we go.

"Nick Duval, you're up," Rob calls, his voice dripping with hopelessness.

I watch as Nick strides confidently across the stage. He stands in the centre and smiles, "Good afternoon. I'm Nick and I'll be auditioning for the role of Tony."

The auditorium is silent as Nick whispers, "Maria" and when he sings the opening line "The most beautiful sound I ever heard," I can't help but notice as Rob sits up in his seat and Harmony leans forward in hers. And that is the only movement while Nick captivates his small audience. His years of acapella singing with  _The Warblers_  and training at  _Columbia_  shine through and his voice fills the theatre. As his final note fades away, everyone bursts out in applause.

Nick laughs and thanks us before walking off the stage.

"Told you," I whisper softly as I see Rob place Nick's resume in the Tony call back pile, which is currently only three pages thick. I fight the urge to throw the other two out.

Everything moves quickly from that point forward. The callbacks are scheduled for the very next day. I don't like to waste time. Either they have what it takes or they don't. No amount of extra rehearsal time and pacing the theatre aisles is going to change that.

There is no competition in the end. The chemistry between Harmony, who is playing Maria, and Nick is electric. She is bashful yet bold with a single glance out of the corner of her eye or a single touch of his arm. And he lights up the entire stage the moment their eyes meet for the first time. They read through the bridal shop scene and it isn't a surprise to me that I get choked up when they sing "One Hand, One Heart." I watch as the two actors profess their undying love for each other, and my own pulse races with the promise to make of our hearts, one heart. And for a moment, I'm transported in my mind to Blaine and I standing on that very same stage, singing only for each other. I blink, and the beautiful image dissolves from my mind, but the echo of it stays in my heart.

The song ends and Rob and I both leap to our feet. Our façade of aloofness completely forgotten in the moment of pure joy at having found such a perfect match for Harmony's Maria. Thankfully, Nick was the last of the three Tony callbacks. It's pretty evident that we've already made our choice. Rob approaches the other two performers and assures them that we will cast them in other roles, if they're still interested. And then they leave. And it's just Rob, Harmony, Nick and I.

I notice that Harmony hasn't moved from the inner circle of Nick's personal space. Even though they're no longer Tony and Maria. I can't help but feel a pang of guilt that I'm about to cast them into the roles of two iconic lovers. That's a lot of pressure for a relationship that still hasn't found its footing. Hopefully, we can all help them stay grounded. It's really the least I can do, since Harmony has been my rock for so many years now. I'm elated at the thought that I could be half as supportive as she has been to me. I'm not foolish enough to think I'll be nearly as great at it as she was. But maybe with Blaine's help, I can be better than I ever would have been before.

 


	15. The Invitation

First day of rehearsal and I've already made three Jet girlfriends and one Shark cry. Plus Rachel, but she doesn't count. She forgets that her crocodile tears don't work on me. By the third day of rehearsal, she'll remember and turn super bitchy instead. I look forward to that day, the new cast members always look horrified the first time they hear her go off on me. And while I will give her a little more leeway than I would ever give them, I shut her down pretty quickly. Can't have anyone mistaking who's in charge.

"Okay, that's it for today. You all need to go home, soak your feet and be back here at ten sharp tomorrow morning." I chuckle at the combination of sighs of relief and groans of pain that emanate from my cast.

The sound of applause, well really, the sound of one person clapping catches my attention immediately and I turn around on stage to peer into the darkened theatre. A figure slowly walks forward and enters the pool of light surrounding the stage. As soon as I see the glowing amber eyes and wide smile, I dive off the stage and into his outstretched arms.

"Blaine! What are you doing here?" I ask, hoping I sound as pleasantly surprised as I feel.

"I thought you'd all be too tired to cook, so I wanted to take you out for dinner," Blaine replies loudly, as he turns out of my embrace and looks to where Nick, Harmony and Rachel are standing together, "All of you."

"That's great, dude," Nick is the first to respond. "I didn't realize Hummel was such a slave driver. If we weren't going for dinner, I think I would have collapsed on my couch and not moved again until tomorrow morning."

"You wouldn't survive tomorrow's rehearsal, if you didn't eat tonight," Harmony tells him. "And yeah, Kurt likes to push us hard. But it's always worth it in the end," Harmony squeezes Nick's arm affectionately as she sends a sweet smile in my direction.

"I probably should have warned you, Nick. Although, I didn't want to say anything that might have scared you off. We needed you! And it's just good practice for Broadway's gruelling schedule," I respond and then kiss Blaine's cheek. "You're very sweet," I say quietly, so that only he can hear.

"I try," Blaine whispers back and kisses me fully on the lips. It's short and mostly chaste, but certainly a welcome way to end my stressful day. The taste of coffee and mint lingers on my lips as I pull away slowly.

"Since no one gave me a heads up about the torture I was agreeing to, I get to pick dinner," Nick states. Everyone nods in agreement, it does seem like a fair trade. In fact, I would have been willing to give him a lot more choices if it meant he didn't run screaming from the theatre now that he's had a taste of what the next five weeks will be like. "Great. Then I choose pizza and beer, around the corner at _Angelo's_."

"Nick, I love you already," Rachel says as she claps her hands. "You picked a place with a good vegan option. I'm going to go change real quick in my dressing room and be right back," Rachel announces, then pivots on her heels and bounces off toward backstage.

"How does she have so much energy left?" Nick asks as he slumps to the floor. "I'm going to wait right here for her."

"She has more energy than is good for any of us," I inform him with a smirk and wrap my arms tighter around Blaine. "I need to grab a few things from my office, care to join me?" I raise an eyebrow in what I hope is a suggestive manner and not a ridiculous one. Blaine seems to get my hint.

"Yes. Definitely," Blaine nods enthusiastically.

We both ignore the chuckles emanating from the stage, as I grab his hand and lead him toward my office. I'm certain Harmony and Nick will find a way to occupy themselves for a few minutes. That one kiss from Blaine only served as a reminder of how many more I want right now.

* * *

"Ugh," I moan unhappily as I reach for my ringing phone. I take a quick glance at the screen, and then groan even louder. "Of course," I look at Blaine as apologetically as is humanly possible on a Sunday morning at 9 am. "It's my Dad."

"Oh, OH!" Blaine looks at the phone as if Burt can suddenly see us lying naked together in my bed. "I'll, um, go make some coffee and give you some privacy," Blaine tells me as he tumbles out of bed and fumbles for his underwear.

"You don't have to," I start to protest, but he waves me off. "Coffee does sound good though," I say and give him a grateful smile. I point to where a pair of yoga pants are slung on the back of an armchair in my bedroom. If he's going to make me coffee, the least I can do is give him some comfortable pants to wear after our impromptu sleepover last night.

His smile widens and then he giggles adorably when he pulls the pants on and we can't see his feet. He rolls them up carefully and it's ridiculous to me how sexy his ankles are. And maybe that's just because it's so Blaine, because I really can't recall ever looking at other boys' ankles. Even in the summer, when they're on full display.

The shrill ring of my phone brings me back from my reverie and I take another second to calm my breathing before I answer.

"Hey Dad." My attempt at nonchalance fails miserably but my Dad has the good sense to play along for now.

"Hey Bud, I hope I didn't wake you," he says, only somewhat apologetically.

"You may have," I answer simply, hoping he can't hear the blush on my cheeks. It's been a long time since I talked to my dad after spending the night with a guy. Especially when I'm still lying, sticky and naked in bed.

"I thought I might, but you're a hard man to get ahold of," he tells me.

"I know. I'm sorry," I reply honestly. I hate how hard it's been lately to find time to call him. In between  _West Side Story_  rehearsals, spending time with Blaine and crashing on my couch as soon as I arrive home, I haven't made time for anything else.

"I need to hear your voice sometimes, to make sure you're okay. You don't need to apologize though, I'm glad you're so busy. You have a good life out there." I can hear the happiness in his voice at the thought that I have finally found the place that I belong.

"Yeah, I do," I confirm, as I look over to the Blaine shaped depression on the other side of my bed. "Sometimes though, I need to slow down so I can enjoy it.

"That's always been a struggle for you. You tend to live two-steps ahead of the rest of us," my Dad teases me.

"I can't help it if the rest of you are so slow," I tease right back.

"Well, I was hoping the upcoming holidays would be an excuse for you to slow down, but I guess that isn't going to happen." My heart clenches at the sadness in his voice. It's been far too long since I've been back in Lima. I miss his hugs.

As if he could sense my sadness, Blaine chooses that moment to walk back into my bedroom with two cups of steaming coffee. He holds one out to me with a shy smile and I mouth the words "thank you" as I take it gratefully.

"Yeah Dad, I'm really sorry I can't come home for Thanksgiving but since we're closing down rehearsals for two weeks at Christmas, I didn't want to lose the time now," I tell him.

Blaine strips down, and as he crawls back into bed with me, his cold toes brush gently against my calves. I have to stifle a laugh at the ticklish sensation that shoots up my leg. He does it again and I feel him shake the bed with his own muffled laughter at teasing me while I'm trying to talk to my Dad.

"I know. I know. So that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Bud. You mentioned a few months ago that you'd come home for Christmas this year and I wondered if that was still your plan?" He hesitates for a moment, but when my answer isn't forthcoming, he pushes on, "You haven't talked about it with Blaine, have you?"

"No," I reply honestly.

"Good, cause I was hoping you'd invite him. I mean, I assume your hesitation was about not wanting to leave him behind. So just, bring him along. I'll send you the money for both tickets," my Dad offers.

"Dad, you don't have to do that. We're fully capable of paying our own way," I protest.

"Nonsense, I'm inviting him, I'll pay. And I was going to pay for your ticket all along. So, you'll ask him?" His voice is full of hope and excitement at the prospect of having both of us home for the holidays.

"I, uh," I stammer and look over at Blaine. He's mouthing "what?" to me. I shake my head, to indicate I'll tell him later. "Yeah, sure. I'll ask him."

My Dad huffs out a laugh, "He's there right now, isn't he?"

"Yes," I confirm, while my face radiates so much heat I have to pull my phone away a little to stop from sweating.

"Put him on." It's a demand and not one I'm in a position to say no to.

I pull the phone away from my ear entirely and turn toward Blaine, "My Dad wants to talk to you." I mouth the words, "I'm so sorry" as I hand my phone to a blushing Blaine.

"Hello, sir. Good morning," Blaine greets him, always the gentleman, even when he's lying next to his naked son in bed.

"No, sir, it hasn't," Blaine replies to something my Dad says, which I can't hear.

"I don't know, sir-I mean, Burt," Blaine smiles ruefully as he catches himself that time.

I sip my coffee as Blaine fills my Dad in on what's been happening in his life lately. He tells him about getting a second night at  _The Dreamers Lounge_  and how he hopes one day, he'll be able to support himself fully by playing and writing music full-time. I smile to myself, I love hearing Blaine talk about his dreams. And I love that even though it's taking a little longer to achieve them, he's still just as optimistic as ever.

I can tell the moment when my Dad asks him about Christmas because Blaine instinctively turns toward me. "We haven't discussed it."

He looks inquisitively at me and I simply nod in the affirmative. My Dad was right. I wanted to go home for Christmas, but I was scared to leave Blaine behind. This seems like the perfect solution.

"Yes! Thank you, Burt. I'd love to spend the holidays with you," Blaine confirms. The smile on his face is wide and genuine as the corners of his eyes crinkle and fill with tears. I slowly reach my hand toward his face and wipe away the wetness that pools there. "I'll see you soon, Burt. And thanks again. Bye," Blaine ends his conversation with my Dad and hands the phone back to me.

"Hey Dad," I say, as Blaine snuggles back down into my blankets and rests his head on my pillow staring at me with his swoon worthy heart eyes.

"So that's all settled then," my Dad tells me.

"I guess it is. We'll both see you for Christmas," I confirm.

"That's what I wanted to hear. This has already been a very productive Sunday," I can hear his smile from 600 miles away.

"I'm glad you think so. Thanks for calling Dad," I reply.

"It was nice to hear your voice Kurt. I miss you," my Dad says softly.

"I miss you too. I'll see you in a month or so," I tell him, the first bubbles of excitement find their way into my stomach. This is a trip that is long overdue.

"Take it easy, kid. And be kind to that boy beside you. Love you," my Dad tells me.

"I will, Dad. Love you, too." My smile is wide as I turn my phone to silent and place it back on my nightstand with my coffee cup. "That's enough interruptions for one morning," I tell Blaine while I snuggle back under the covers with him.

"That was a good interruption though, don't ya think?" I can hear an edge of nervousness in his voice that causes my heart to beat irregularly.

I lean over and kiss him softly, "Mmm, I do think so." I barely move my lips back, just far enough to form the words and feel his smile against my mouth while my eyes are still closed. "I'm looking forward to taking you home with me," I whisper as we close the gap once more. Blaine's tongue is warm against my own and the taste of coffee is delicious. The kiss lasts until we both need air and as we separate, I tuck my head into the crook of Blaine's neck and kiss the golden skin there. I feel Blaine nuzzle his lips into my hair and take a deep inhale. Then he whispers to no one in particular, "Just the way it was always suppose to be."

* * *

"I told you Rach, I just need to book these flights and then we can go," I glance over my computer screen as Rachel paces impatiently in my office. "What is up with you anyway?"

"No. I'm not telling you until we're at the restaurant. You're too distracted," Rachel shakes her head at me and flops down ungracefully on my couch. She picks up an old copy of  _Vogue_  I have lying on the coffee table and starts noisily flipping the pages.

"Fine. Keep your secrets," I tease her as my fingers enter dates into the search field. It's only been a week since my Dad invited Blaine and I home for Christmas, but it seems like the flights are booking up fast and the prices are higher than I'm comfortable with. But my Dad won't take no for an answer and I do want to go home for the holidays. I'm just feeling…

"What is up with you?" Rachel is staring at me from the couch, her brows creased in worry.

"What do you mean?" I ask without taking my eyes off of the computer screen.

"You're biting your lip and muttering to yourself. I thought you were booking plane tickets home for Christmas. Usually that has you jumping for joy." Rachel stands up and walks toward me, like a lioness going in for the kill. Honestly, I don't know why I even bother trying to hide my feelings from her.

"What has him jumping for joy? Because I have something to add to the excitement!" Harmony skips into my office and right up to my desk.

Now they're both standing in front of my desk peering downward at me, anticipation written on both their faces.

"Hold on," I tell them both and click a few more times. I finally found flights that work with mine and Blaine's schedule, so I go ahead and purchase them. When Harmony and Rachel realize I was serious about finishing on my computer first, they both shrug and walk over to the couch. I can hear them whispering conspiratorially with each other but can't make out what they're saying.

After I've entered all our personal details and emailed Blaine the confirmation number and flight details, I turn off my computer and turn to look at my best friends. Rachel's words still echoing in my head. She's right, I feel more anxious about going home this time than I ever have in the past. I'm usually so excited at the prospect of seeing my Dad again that I don't even mind returning to the homophobic wasteland that is Lima, Ohio. So what's different this time?

"So it seems we all have news," Harmony announces as she and Rachel stand up, "let's get going. No boyfriends, no phone calls, just the three of us and our favourite restaurant."

"Sounds perfect," Rachel says giddily and claps her hands. "Last one in the taxi buys dinner," she yells behind her as she dashes out my doorway and down the hall.

"Dammit, I hate when she does that," I say.

"You think we'd learn to anticipate it by now," Harmony says fondly as she grabs my hand and leads me out of my office. "We'll go out together, then we can split the check."

"You're always so magnanimous Harm," I squeeze her hand, "I envy that about you."

"Hey, don't sell yourself short. You've got a big heart too," Harmony reassures me, in only the way she can, as we step into the taxi that Rachel is already occupying.

Rachel gives the driver the address for  _Candle 79_ , the vegan restaurant her Dads took her to after her first Winter Showcase win, and now it's our go-to restaurant when we want to treat ourselves. We're ushered upstairs and into a quiet corner table that we've sat at numerous times before. The location of it means that our laughter, or more often than not, our shrieking, won't disturb the other diners.

It doesn't take us long to order our usual dinners: Chili-grilled tofu for Rachel, Mushroom Fricassee for Harmony and the Mediterranean Salad for me. We add Nori Rolls to share and a bottle of Chardonnay from a local vineyard. It's a splurge, but we haven't been out just the three of us in far too long.

Rachel is practically bouncing in her seat as we wait for our very cute waiter to pour our wine and step away from the table.

"Spill it, Rachel," I tell her as soon as we're alone again.

"I got a call back!" Rachel announces, loud enough to get a few glances in our direction from the couples seated nearby.

"Oh Rachel, that's amazing. Congratulations!" Harmony and I both exclaim. We both stand and hug her. "And don't worry, Kurt, even if I get this role, I'll still be able to perform in  _West Side Story_. I already checked the scheduling. Plus, this is just a small role. But I'd have one solo and it's on Broadway and I just," Rachel takes a second to catch her breath and looks at us both with wide eyes. "I know it's premature to celebrate, and it's just a call back, but it's my first one," she concludes and waves off any further exclamations from us.

"Don't do that, Rach. It's okay to be excited," Harmony chides her. "This year is certainly ending on a much brighter note than it started, for all of us." Rachel and I both notice the colour on the apples of Harmony's cheeks, but we're too polite to tease her, for now anyway.

We all sit quietly for a moment, sipping our wine and smiling softly at all the unexpected joys this year has brought into our lives. I think back to last New Year's Eve, when the three of us were huddled close together in Times Square, watching the ball drop and making whispered promises to each other that this year would be different. And in so many ways, it was going to be, even before my fateful train ride. The Theatre brought us many steps closer to achieving our professional dreams. We worked together to bring it to life and our friendship strengthened as a result. And if that was all that this year had brought us, then I think we would still have been happy at the close of it. We would have stood together once more on the cusp of yet another new beginning and hoped for continued success and not even knew how much more we could have had.

My reflections on the past year are interrupted by the arrival of our appetizer and I'm pulled back into the conversation at the table by Harmony who starts to say something, stops and then starts again. I'm surprised by how flustered she appears, there's rarely anything that causes her to stumble.

"I uh, I have tickets for, oh, this was not how I was going to bring it up, but I really want," Harmony takes a long swig of her wine, as Rachel and I stare at her with our mouths agape.

Harmony puts down her wine glass and huffs out a breath. "Sorry, I was going to do this in private but now we're here and I just really want to make plans," Harmony looks sorrowfully at Rachel before turning her attention to me. "Uncle Rob got me four tickets to  _Wicked_  for next Friday night, and I was hoping you and Blaine would join Nick and I," she rushes all the words out together and looks pleadingly at me when she's done.

"Oh Harm, a double date sounds wonderful," I smile at her reassuringly and take a quick glance at Rachel. I understand where Harmony's anxiety is coming from. We've always done Broadway shows together. None of us ever having a serious enough partner to want to bring them along, knowing they wouldn't appreciate the show as much as each of us. But now, well, now things are very different. Both Blaine and Nick appreciate the quality of a Broadway show as much as we do. And the fact that it's  _Wicked_ , which has been sold out for months, is amazing!

"It's our one-month anniversary, Nick and I," Harmony clarifies. "I wanted to do something special, because well, he feels special to me."

Rachel reaches across the table and takes Harmony's hand. "I'm really happy for you." Then she reaches over to me and grabs my hand as well. "For both of you. Don't hide this from me." She squeezes tightly and then lets go, settling back into her seat. "Besides, I'm living vicariously through both of your dating lives. I'm married to my career right now. I'm far too focused on that to even want to consider someone else's feelings. I'm okay with that," Rachel tells us both.

I watch her face closely. She's said this all before, every time a first date doesn't lead to a second, or when a cute guy flirts with her but doesn't ask for her number. But this time, there aren't any unshed tears, there isn't a quiver in her voice or a stubbornness in her arms that says she's trying to convince herself along with us. This time she's relaxed and smiling and for the first time, I believe her.

"And you have us," Harmony says. "We're a lot more fun and a lot less work than any stupid guy."

"Definitely," Rachel beams brightly.

"To us!" I raise my wine glass in a toast and my two best friends giggle joyfully as we clink our glasses together.

Our dinners arrive then and we settle into a comfortable silence as we enjoy the first bites of our meals.

"So Kurt, didn't you have news to share too?" Harmony asks me with an expectant look on her face as she takes another bite of her entree.

I chew for a moment, trying to look thoughtful. "Um, it's not really news. And it's not as exciting as what you and Rachel had to share," I tell her. My stalling tactics painfully obvious to all three of us.

"Kuuuurrrttt," Rachel whines at me from across the table.

Now they're both staring at me and I feel worse because somehow this has become a big deal. And really, it shouldn't be.

"Blaine's coming home with me for Christmas," I say as nonchalantly as possible and then shove a fork full of salad into my mouth.

"Kurt!" Harmony exclaims and claps her hands together in joy. "That's great news, isn't it great news?" She watches me carefully and when I take too long to answer, all excitement drains from her face. "Oh Kurt, what's going on?"

I shrug. I honestly don't know how to answer that. When my Dad first asked, it felt like the perfect way to spend the holidays. But as this week has progressed, I find myself getting more anxious and less excited every time I think about returning to Lima with Blaine.

Harmony watches me struggle for an answer and tries again, "What are you so afraid of?"

Ah, that question feels much easier to answer. I hadn't thought about it as a fear before. "The ghosts," I whisper without thinking about it further. Now that I've said it, everything seems a lot clearer.

They both stop eating and wait for me to elaborate. I put my fork down and look at them. "I hadn't really known why I was getting so worried about this trip, but that's what it is. Lima is full of ghosts for me, for us. We had no memories together in New York City. Sure, we'd had lots of dreams about what our life would be like when we both got here. But that never happened," I choke out the last four words and take a sip of wine to buy myself another moment. There is still a rawness around my heart when I think about how different things could, should, have been.

Harmony reaches over and takes the hand that isn't holding my wine glass. I give her a weak smile and continue, thinking out loud, now that the pieces are falling into place. "Anyway, unlike being here, Lima is full of memories for both of us. Each time I've been back, I worked really hard to ignore them. I'm just not sure I'll be able to do that with him right beside me."

"Do you have to?" Harmony asks, always one to get right to the heart of the matter.

"I don't know," I reply. "There are a lot of good memories there," I smile softly as I remember our first kiss and our coffee dates at  _The Lima Bean_  and the first time we made love. But then I remember my senior year. The fights, the moments when I was just so mad at Blaine for not being with me to truly share the highs because he was busy with  _The Warblers_  and I was busy with  _New Directions_. I remember the distance that felt like I was already living in New York City without him, and yet we were only a few miles apart.

"Maybe you need this," Rachel says quietly from across the table.

Harmony and I both look at her quizzically.

"You can't live in the bubble of New York City forever. If you're really serious, you're going to have to go home together eventually," Rachel says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"You've been spending too much time with Harm," I say affectionately, neither confirming nor denying what she said.

They both know me well enough to know that I'm done talking about it for tonight. There's still three weeks before the fateful trip, there will be plenty of time for them to give me lots of unsolicited advice.

We spend the rest of the meal planning songs for Rachel's call back, scheduling time to run through her lines and choosing a restaurant for dinner before  _Wicked_  on our double date. It feels like a perfect evening and later, as I ride home alone on the train, I can't help singing "For Good" softly to myself:

_So let me say before we part_

_So much of me_

_Is made from what I learned from you_

_You'll be with me_

_Like a handprint on my heart_

_And now whatever way our stories end_

_I know you have rewritten mine_

_By being my friend…_

 


	16. The Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please know that this chapter was a labour of love! Also, the rest of the story is fully outlined and there will be four more chapters, plus an epilogue. For a grand total of 21 ;)
> 
> Reminder: Finn lives in Lima in this AU and appears in this chapter.

As the flight attendants walk down the aisle to ensure everyone is buckled up and unplugged, I can't believe how quickly the last three weeks have gone. I can't believe I'm seated on an airplane, with Blaine beside me. (I'm suddenly very envious of his shorter legs.) And I can't believe we're going home to Lima for Christmas, together. It's everything I never dared to dream about after I moved to New York City. And now, I'm petrified it will turn into a nightmare.

Blaine clearly has no such concerns, as he's asleep within 15 minutes from take off, slumped against my shoulder. I can't say that I'm surprised. This is probably the first time he's stopped moving in days. Of course, I've been just as busy, but rather than letting it all go, now that we have a few days off, I'm just winding myself up tighter. The to-do list in my brain is buzzing with all the things that had to be put on hold for this trip home. Not that I'm complaining, the thought of being home for Christmas, even if it's just for a few days, is wonderful. And the thought that I'm bringing Blaine with me is a dream come true. But  _West Side Story_  is scheduled to open just after New Year's and I feel as unprepared as I always do before a production comes to life on the stage.

Now that we're safely in the air, I pull out my phone and type quietly, hoping that seeing the list in black and white will make it less overwhelming. Or at least, get it out of my head. I promise myself to spend as much time enjoying these days in Lima, and not worrying about all the things back home I can't do anything about. Blaine and I have barely seen each other since I started full rehearsals for  _West Side Story_. Our schedules started to slip out of sync again. I'm worried about how often that seems to happen, but I can't really complain. He's working so hard to make money, write his own music and perform when he can. We did manage to fit in our double date with Nick and Harmony, because none of us was going to pass up the chance to see  _Wicked_. It was the most fun I've had in a long time. We laughed right through dinner and no one was embarrassed about crying during the show as Blaine handed out handkerchiefs for us all, earning another piece of my heart because he is the most thoughtful person I've ever met.

It had also been amazing to see how well Nick and Harmony are getting along. Instead of making things harder, working together seems to be a bonus for them. I'm not really surprised, they're both very grounded and aren't letting themselves get carried away. Harmony told me that she hasn't even spent the night with him yet. They're hoping that taking it slowly and not mimicking Maria and Tony's haste will give them some longevity. I envy her restraint, given that Blaine and I spend at least half of our time together in bed. Not that I'm complaining, some of our best conversations happen when we're both naked and sticky and sated in a way that sex with anyone else never gave me. And really, Blaine doesn't seem worried about our longevity. So I shouldn't be either.

Before I can get any more stressed out, our plane lands smoothly and I wake Blaine with a gentle kiss to his head of curls so that we can disembark. I'm buzzing with a new energy now that we're actually in Ohio. My heart is beating with anticipation as I think about seeing my Dad in just a few minutes. It's only in these moments, when I know seeing him is imminent that I allow myself to admit how much I miss him. I wouldn't be able to handle the sadness otherwise.

"KURT!" I hear my Dad before I see him and Blaine is tugging me toward the sound of his voice. The hug is tight and long and exactly what I've been needing for months. And then before I know it, I'm being released and gently pushed aside as Blaine is being wrapped in those fatherly arms and the sight of them hugging has me wiping away a tear.

The ride home goes quickly as Dad bombards us with questions about life in New York City. Then I return the favour and learn all the gossip about Lima and the shop. Not a lot has changed in the five years since I've been gone. Finn works longer hours at the shop, so that my Dad can adjust to being semi-retired.

"Now I just feel stressed in a different way. What am I suppose to do with all my free time?" he grumbles.

"You could always take up knitting," I offer helpfully as he parks the car in the driveway.

He rolls his eyes and then smiles fondly at me. "I forgot how much I miss your smart-ass comments."

We're all still laughing as we enter the house, suitcases being pulled behind us. I stop in the entranceway and inhale deeply. The faint scent of Carole's perfume mixed with my Dad's aftershave fills my nostrils and I smile as a wave of nostalgia washes over me. I take another deep breath and I feel the air settle around my heart where it starts to heal the hairline fractures that appear if I stay away too long.

"So, uh, you're both, uh, in Kurt's room," my Dad stammers.

The shock must register on my face because he rubs his hands across his face and then shrugs. "It seemed silly to put Blaine in the guest room. You're grown ups, with your own apartments in New York. Let's not pretend like you don't um, have sleepovers."

Blaine blushes as he says, "Thanks Burt. But if it makes you uncomfortable..."

My Dad waves him off before Blaine can say anything else. "Just go unpack and let's not discuss it again."

Blaine and I scurry up the stairs with our suitcases and stumble into my old bedroom. Blaine freezes as soon as we're fully inside. I watch as he blinks rapidly and I see his eyes shine with unshed tears. I shut the door behind us and pull him over to my bed. We need to do a different kind of unpacking first.

"Let's just get it out there," I say softly and squeeze the hand I'm holding.

He takes a deep breath and nods his head. "I never thought I'd be here, in this room, again," his voice breaks and I see the first tears slip down his cheek.

"Honestly, neither did I," I confess as I cup his face and wipe the tears away with my thumb. I pull him slowly toward me and kiss his lips gently.

"And now?" he asks, a hesitation in his voice.

"I couldn't be happier," I say before I can think about it too much. Of course, I should know better than to vocalize something I'm not one hundred percent sure about. Blaine knows me too well.

"Really?" he questions me, with an arched eyebrow, and I don't miss the way he moves back and puts a little more space between us.

"Blaine," I whisper, not sure where this conversation is going or if I want to be having it at all.

"Kurt," Blaine says softly, "I didn't, I wasn't going to say anything, especially not as soon as we got here. But I'm feeling overwhelmed and well, I just want you to know that I know."

"What do you know, Blaine?" I flinch at the tone of my voice, a shocking mix of guilt and accusation.

"I know that you're scared. I know that for the last three weeks you've barely mentioned spending this holiday together. And I know that you're not the only one," Blaine tells me. His voice is calm and even though there is more physical space between us, he reaches over and places a hand gently on my knee. "Don't you think I'd be worried about coming back here too? Why didn't you talk to me about it?"

There is no mistaking the hurt in his voice and I hate that I am the source of it, again. This is exactly what I was worried would happen. Of course, there's a small Harmony sounding voice in the back of my head, saying I told you so. Her advice regarding this trip had been one consistent message of Talk to Blaine.  _And dammit, what would it take for me to learn to listen to her?_

"I'm sorry," is all that I can manage to say in response. I lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms securely around me.

"We'll figure it out," he says, a sense of determination in his voice.

"Hey boys," my Dad calls out as he knocks on my closed door.

"Yeah, Dad?" I ask and he takes that as an invitation to open my door and step inside the room. He looks back and forth between the suitcases discarded by the door and the two of us sitting cautiously on the edge of my bed. His lips purse for a moment and there's a small nod of his head before he looks straight at us. "We're going to Breadstix for dinner tonight. Carol will be home shortly and Finn's meeting us there. Can you guys be ready in an hour?" he asks, looking pointedly at me.

"Yeah, of course," I confirm and smile as reassuringly as I can.

He nods and shuts the door behind him. I hear his footsteps on the stairs as Blaine and I just sit there breathing beside each other.

"You probably want to shower, I know how airplane air dries out your skin," Blaine says with just a hint of a tease in his voice.

"It really does," I reply and bump his shoulder playfully.

That motion breaks the weight of the air between us and he leans over and kisses my cheek. "I'll freshen up and go down and keep your Dad company while you get ready," he tells me and stands up.

I smile gratefully at him. And although I know I should just leave it alone, because I've been known to be wrong about this in the past, I can't help myself. "It's going to be okay," I tell us both as I grab his arm, "We are going to be okay."

Blaine looks down at where my pale hand rests on his tanned forearm, he smiles at the contrast and then looks at me with bright eyes, "Of course we are."

* * *

_Breadstix_  looks exactly the same. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad about that. I'm definitely not surprised. The one major difference is that I don't flinch when people glare at Blaine and I, our hands clasped between us. I may be unsure about how being back in Lima will affect our relationship, but I'm not going to censor our contact to make a bunch of small-town, small-minded people feel better. And I can't ignore the way that I feel like I can take on the world when his hand is in mine.

"Guys, over here!" Finn's cheerful voice booms from a table near the back of the restaurant and I roll my eyes affectionately at his total abandon. He stands up and waves, just in case we didn't hear him. Blaine, of course, waves back enthusiastically as we step closer to him.

I break my hand hold with Blaine as Finn pulls me into a sloppy embrace. "Hey little bro, it's so good to see you."

"You too, Finn," I confirm. There is an ease to our relationship now. Now that we live hundreds of miles apart. We're both better able to appreciate the other's differences, and his weekly text messages put a goofy smile on my face that my other friends can never quite achieve. Finn has come into his own here, now that he isn't trying to live up to someone else's standard. Specifically, Rachel's. I love them both dearly, but breaking up was the best gift they ever gave each other.

"Blaine, welcome back," Finn says as he releases me and pulls my boyfriend into an equally enthusiastic hug.

"I'm glad to be back. How have you been?" Blaine asks as we settle into our semi-circular booth.

"Good, really good actually," Finn tells us and gives my Dad a lopsided grin.

"Yeah, apparently I was bringing everyone down at the shop," my Dad deadpans.

"It's certainly easier now that Kurt isn't sending me daily texts to make sure I don't let you exert yourself," Finn jokes and I can't hide the small squeak of protest that escapes my lips.

My Dad shakes his head at me, "Bud, you don't need to worry so much about me."

"I can't help it," I shrug. "It's what I do."

"Well then I don't think you have the right to scoff at my phone calls, when I call to check up on you," my Dad says. And, of course, he's right.

"Fine," I mutter under my breath and look pleadingly at Blaine to change the subject.

He lets me squirm for another moment before gracefully breaking the silence. After that, the conversation flows easily through starter salads, pasta entrees and cheesecake dessert. Carole tells us about her recent promotion to shift supervisor. My Dad talks about tentative plans to take a vacation somewhere warm this winter for a few weeks. Finn shares the latest gossip from the shop and lets it slip that he's been seeing the sister of one of the mechanics.

"Sweetie, why is this the first I'm hearing of her?" Carole asks. Everyone stops eating for a moment and the silence is deafening as Finn shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"Sorry Mom, I just, didn't want to jinx it. We've only been on two dates and it was really weird to ask her out. I felt like I had to ask Steve for permission, even though we're all adults and I met Wendy, that's her name, before I even knew they were related," Finn spoke in one run-on sentence without taking a breath and by the time he was finished we were all chuckling at his obvious discomfort at having upset his mother.

"Okay Finn, man, take a breath," my Dad told him. "What I'm sure you're mom meant to say is that we're happy you're dating someone. And if you'd like to invite her over for the holidays, well, the more the merrier."

Carole places her hand on my Dad's as it's resting on the table and smiles gratefully at him. It's an adorable moment between the two of them and I feel Blaine's hand find mine under the table and lace our fingers together. I catch his eye and give him a shy smile. All the worries I had about how this trip home was going to go fade into the background as the perfection of this moment takes hold of my heart.

* * *

I'm walking down the hallway at  _Dalton_ , having just arrived to surprise Blaine. I have an overwhelming sense of deja vu, but I just brush that off as I hear piano music coming from the Warblers' lounge up ahead. The hallway is empty and quiet, except for the tap-tap-tap of my boots. I don't stop to question why there are no other students around, even though school has just ended for the day. As I draw closer, the melody I hear comes into focus and I realize it's a slowed down version of  _Teenage Dream_  and it sounds haunting and painful and there are tears in my eyes before I even step into the doorway. I know Blaine is the one playing it, there is no one else who can bring a song to life like him on the piano. And sure enough, I step into the open double doors and he's hunched over the piano, his fingers moving effortlessly over the ivory keys. I stand transfixed in the doorway, torn between wrapping him in my arms and not wanting to disturb the achingly beautiful song. As I watch more closely, I see his entire body shutter with each exhale of breath, as if it hurts to keep on living. I see tears as they trail down his cheeks and drip drop onto the piano. It is the tears that push me forward. I take a step forward but the distance between us never closes. I take a second step and then a third and yet he remains equally far away from me. I feel exhausted from the useless exertion of trying to move closer, so I speak his name. I say it softly at first, barely above a whisper and the sound of my voice is shocking to me. It echos in my own ears, as if I'm yelling. Blaine doesn't move and he doesn't stop playing. I say his name more forcefully and the echo is louder in my ears but he doesn't even flinch. I scream his name in pure desperation but he never hears me. I yell over and over again until finally I fall to the floor and the smack of the cold marble beneath my bones is enough to startle me awake.

My eyes fly open and the darkness is shocking after the bright lights of  _Dalton_. My breathing is ragged as if I really did just run down a never ending hallway and my heart is whooshing in my ears, which is why it takes me a moment to hear the other noises in the room. The sound of a car crunching the snow outside as it drives by the house, the tick-tock of the clock in the hallway marking the passage of time, and the rhythmic in and out of Blaine's breaths as he sleeps soundly beside me. I shiver as the cold air in the room washes over me and I realize I kicked the blankets off. I'm amazed, and grateful, that Blaine slept through all my movements. It doesn't take a lot of analysis for me to understand what my dream was about and I wouldn't want to have to explain it to him right now. I should probably talk about it in the morning, but for now I pull the covers over my body again, turn onto my side and push backward into Blaine. His arm automatically wraps around my waist and pulls me in close. His body molds along my backside and he makes the most adorable snuffling sounds as he nuzzles his nose into the back of my neck. I match my breathing to his, trying to slow my heart and regain my bearings. He's here, I'm here and that dream is nothing more than my overly active imagination, I keep telling myself that until I fade into a light, dreamless sleep.

When I wake again, hours later, it's to a cold bed. I guess my dream had taken more out of me than I realized, because I can't remember the last time I slept until 10 in the morning. I sit up and listen carefully for the sounds of everyone else but the house is surprisingly quiet. I reach for my phone and my hand hits something warm instead. There is a coffee cup on my nightstand, with a small note tucked underneath. I take the mug into my hands and inhale gratefully, as the smell chases away some of the lingering darkness in my brain. I pick up the note and see Blaine's handwriting:  _Good Morning Beautiful, I've gone to the shop with your Dad. Carole is waiting patiently for you downstairs to do some last minute shopping and baking. Have fun. Blaine xo_

After my nightmare last night, there is a huge part of me that is relieved to have this chance to spend some time with Carole. I feel like I'm still trying to catch my breath and it will give me a chance to think about how I want to approach the subject with Blaine. I send him a quick text:  _Blaine, Thanks for the coffee. Sorry I missed kissing you goodbye. Have fun with my Dad and Finn. Kurt xxoo_

The rest of the day is a breeze. Carole and I fall easily into our pattern of shopping and gossiping, as if I hadn't been living in New York City for five years. There's always been an ease to our relationship, probably because she never tried too hard to be my mom. She's always just been a really great, older friend. So when I find myself opening up to her about my nightmare last night and my anxiety about coming back home with Blaine, I'm really not that surprised. The fact that she doesn't offer any immediate advice and just lets me get it all out, is also not surprising. And probably the main reason why I tell her in the first place. When she does offer words of wisdom, it's with a soft smile and a comforting hug.

Her words stay with me for the rest of the day. We bake gingerbread men, decorate them with coveralls and little bowties and smack sneaky hands away when they try to steal the cookies before we've eaten dinner. There is a camaraderie between us, now that I've shared the ghosts of my past and doubts for the future.

"There's no way to outsmart these two," my Dad tells Blaine in defeat as we sit down to a casual dinner at the small table in the kitchen.

"Clearly," Blaine agrees and shakes his head fondly.

"Eat all your vegetables, and maybe you'll be allowed to have a cookie," I tell them both.

"Geez, sometimes I wonder who the parent is," my Dad says and winks at me as a comfortable silence settles around the four of us.

Later that night, as I'm snuggled under one blanket with Blaine, while my Dad and Carole are cozy under another one.  _A Christmas Story_  playing on the television is unable to hold my attention. I lean my head on Blaine's shoulder and close my eyes. He is solid beneath me as I focus on Carole's words of advice again:

_If you aren't careful Kurt, you will make these fears a reality just by holding onto them so tightly. Talk to Blaine. Tell him you're scared. Tell him you can't see past the point you got to before you left for New York. Just please, don't close yourself off._

As we get ready for bed, I prepare myself for the conversation I know we need to have. Even if it is Christmas Eve, it's not like I'm breaking up with him. It really shouldn't be that bad. It's certainly going to be a lot worse if I don't say anything.

And I will, as soon as he stops kissing me like that. Like I'm the last breath of oxygen he will ever take. He crowds into my personal space and pushes me backward on the bed. We're both shirtless and his chest is warm and firm against mine, his chest hair tickling me in all the right spots. I moan into the kiss and he settles between my legs. He slowly lowers his hips and the friction between our clothed erections is sweet torture as my eyes flutter closed. His lips leave a warm trail of kisses down my neck and to my collarbone. He blows softly across the moist skin and my entire body shivers in response, creating even greater friction between us. I hear him groan and then he's licking around the shell of my ear, "Want to suck you. Need to taste you."

Blaine's words bury their way into my brain and my eyes fly open. I bring my hand in between our chests and push him away slowly. "I'm sorry, I got carried away but I can't," I stutter and take a deep breath, "I can't do this in my parent's house. I just, I can't."

"Shh, shh, it's okay, babe," Blaine's comforting words are a shock to me, but then he moves his hand up to my face and wipes away a tear. I didn't even realize I was crying. He gathers me in his arms, and we shift on the bed until we're lying side-by-side and he continues to whisper softly in my ear. I can't seem to stop crying and I'm not even sure why I started. Surely, not wanting to have sex while my Dad sleeps a few feet away isn't worth crying over. I mean, Blaine and I have pretty fantastic sex, but still. I knew he would understand, at least, he would understand about the sex. Of course, I've succeeded in avoiding talking to him about what's really going on and now I'm blubbering in his arms.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know I'm waking from yet another nightmare. This one eerily similar to the last, except the song Blaine was playing was  _Come What May_  and I started to sing along and even that didn't break the spell he was under. My breathing is heavy in my ears and before I even think about moving closer, Blaine's arms tighten around my waist and pull me flush against his chest. I freeze for a moment, and listen intently. His breathing is steady and deep, so I can only assume he's still asleep.  _I mean, he'd tell me if he was awake, right?_

* * *

"Merry Christmas, beautiful," Blaine says and kisses my lips softly.

I smile and open my eyes slowly, taking a moment to appreciate his ungelled curls and white t-shirt pulled tightly across his well defined chest. I notice he's still in his pajama pants from last night and there's a hint of scruff along his jawline. He is the best present I could have ever asked for, but of course, he does even better than that. He's kneeling on the bed beside me. A mug of steaming hot coffee in one hand and a gorgeously wrapped box in the other.

"Mmm, Merry Christmas indeed," I tell him and reach for the coffee mug first.

"I thought we could do our presents first, just the two of us," he says as he shifts into a sitting position.

"That sounds perfect. Just let me grab yours," I stand up from the bed, momentarily embarrassed that I'm still shirtless and shuffle over to my suitcase in the corner. I pull out the slim envelope, which now feels completely insufficient when I place it on the bed beside the glittery box from Blaine.

"Do you want to go first?" Blaine asks, with a little bounce of the mattress.

I reach for the box and Blaine begins to babble, "It's simpler than I wanted, but it was, all I could afford."

"Shush," I tell him and kiss his cheek quickly. "It's from you, I'm sure it's perfect."

My fingers deftly unwrap the silver paper to reveal a red box. I lift the lid and gasp softly at the sight of a silver cuff nestled in tissue paper. I place the box back on the bed and lift the cuff from its resting place. Immediately, the small engraving of a bird with it's wings spread wide catches my eye.

"It's a phoenix," Blaine tells me as he gently takes the bracelet from my hand and slips it onto my right wrist. His thumb brushes the length of the engraving and the silver warms from his touch.

"It's beautiful, thank you," I say and pull him in close for a kiss.

As we break apart, his face is flushed and although I know our kisses make my knees weak, I don't think that's what has his heart racing right now. I wait a moment and he glances upward at me. He suddenly looks shy and younger. He looks exactly like the Blaine I first fell in love with.

"You know the symbolism of the phoenix right?" he asks timidly. I nod my head slowly but obviously missing the point he is trying to make. "It's about rebirth. I thought, it seems silly now, but I thought," he holds his breath for a moment and then exhales, "I thought it was a good symbol for us. For our relationship."

He watches me closely and I smile at him, my eyes crinkling but of course, that movement causes the tears that had pooled there while he spoke to leak out and now I'm crying again. It seems like that's all I do now when we're alone. The tears contain all the words I can't say, as they spill over my cheeks and splash on my lap. And I think maybe, just maybe, Blaine understands this as he wraps me in his arms.

He speaks softly into my shoulder, his voice nothing more than a whisper, "I know you're struggling, I just don't know why you won't tell me what you're struggling with. I'm right here."

I clutch the back of his shirt as his words reach toward me like a lifeline.  _I'm right here._  I need to say something, anything. Otherwise, I think I'm going to drown.

"I'm having nightmares that you can't hear me," I say and feel the dam break. "I keep dreaming I'm back at Dalton, that day I came home to surprise you. Only you're alone at the piano and I call your name but you don't hear me, you just keep on playing and I scream and yell and try to run to you. I feel like no matter what I do, it's not enough. I can't get to you."

"Oh Kurt, but you already have me," Blaine tells me with a steady voice as he holds me by the shoulders so that we can look at each other.

"I know," I say brokenly. "I just, I can't let go. I'm too afraid to fall again. I'm too afraid I'm going to hurt you again. This is so much more than last time. We're adults, we aren't just teenagers living in our parents' houses talking about a bunch of what ifs. We're out there, in New York, living every moment of it. I'm just so scared," I hang my head in shame. It wasn't the most articulate way to express my feelings, but the idea of it is out there now. I can't even bring myself to look at him as I feel his hands slip from my shoulders.

"So what have we been doing? Because I thought that we were fine." Blaine says tentatively.

My head snaps upward and I look him right in the eyes. I'm shocked to see the tornado of amber staring back at me, and wonder if that's what he would have looked like on my doorstep so many years ago. And it feels too close, like this is the conversation we would have had back then.

"We are fine, I'm not breaking up with you," I tell him firmly, to erase the connection between the past and the present. Because it's the truth. As scared and unsure as I might be about our future, I'm no where near the point of giving up.

I see his eyes squint as he scrutinizes my face. I hold my gaze steady and wait for him to find the confirmation he is looking for.

"I'm scared too," he finally says and collapses into my arms, "not of getting hurt again, but of not giving this the best chance we can."

* * *

The rest of Christmas Day flies by in a steady stream of warm drinks, too rich food and crumpled wrapping paper. Blaine opens my present for him a few hours later, when we're both calmer and a fragile silence has settled between us.

"This is the best gift I've ever received," he tells me with pride in his voice, like he can't imagine that someone would believe in him enough to want to give him this.

"Oh Blaine, I can't wait to hear what you record, I know it's going to be awesome." I smile encouragingly at him as he continues to stare at the gift certificate for a half day in a recording studio. "You'll have song files you can send to music producers, it'll only be a matter of time before you're discovered."

He throws himself into my arms with an  _oof_  and hugs me tighter than ever before. We don't say anything else. This moment is about my belief in Blaine as an artist. It is completely separate from my love for him as a man, as the man I want to spend my life with. That's something we'll talk more about when the time is right.

* * *

"Hey buddy, you look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. What's troubling you?" I hear my Dad ask Blaine as I approach the kitchen after my morning shower. I stop just outside of their line of vision. The sound of the kitchen chair scraping the floor tells me they're sitting at the table. I imagine Blaine is slumped around a cup of coffee.

"Kurt," comes Blaine's single word answer.

"I figured as much. Hoped I was wrong, but it seemed like things were tense between the two of you yesterday. Did you have a fight?" I hear worry and stress in my Dad's voice.

"I wish. Then I could just apologize and we'd move on." I don't miss the way Blaine implies that any fight we might have had would have been his fault. I don't miss the way I'm clearly already hurting him. "He can't seem to let go of what happened before. Even though I've forgiven him. I don't think he's ever forgiven himself."

"Yeah, that sounds about right. So what's happening between you now?"

"He's pulling away. I can feel it. He's slipping further away from me and I'm afraid the harder I try to hold on, the worse it will become. I'm not even sure how much he realizes he's stopped talking to me," Blaine's voice breaks at the end and I hear movement at the table. My heart aches at the thought of my Dad having to comfort Blaine all over again.

I think about retreating back to my room, but my Dad's next question has me rooted to the floor.

"What's the one thing you always told me you regretted the most about the past?" he asks Blaine.

"Not fighting for him," comes Blaine's immediate response.

"Do you think maybe he needs to know now, that you still think he's worth fighting for?" my Dad ponders.

"What are you saying? That he's doing this on purpose, so I prove my love," Blaine replies and I have to bite my lip to keep a gasp from escaping.

_Is that what I'm doing?_  I don't wait to hear my Dad's response as I flee to my bedroom. It doesn't matter. I'm the only one who can answer the question.


	17. The Catalyst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! There is a song in this chapter that is responsible for me finding my muse for this story again. It was as if it was written for this Kurt & Blaine and I'm so excited for you to read this part of their story!

1 week, 4 days, 6 hours and 35 minutes.

That's how long it's been since I've seen Blaine. And it's killing me. Every single one of those 974,100 seconds has felt like an hour.

The only contact we've had was to exchange a single text on New Year's.

_To Kurt: Happy New Year. I miss you. Love Blaine xx_

_To Blaine: Happy New Year. I miss you too. Always yours, Kurt_

And that was it. Neither of us made a move to see the other or to acknowledge anything that was going on between us.

I feel like I'm adrift.

Harmony and Rachel refuse to talk to me. After we arrived back in New York, Blaine and I parted at the airport under the guise of needing to do our laundry and get food back in our fridges. We shared a small, chaste kiss and a quick goodbye hug. Instead of going home though, I went straight to Rachel's apartment. She opened her door and I collapsed into her arms. I became a sobbing, incoherent mess. It took several hours and extra reinforcement from Harmony for me to even begin to explain what had happened. Even then, it didn't make sense. It still doesn't.

I had their sympathy that first day. They understood me wanting to take some time to re-evaluate things. At least, that's what they called it, to my face. I'm sure we all call it the same thing when we're being honest: running away.

The first time I admitted that to myself, I was shocked. Was I really going to repeat history? Could I throw Blaine away again? Had I really learned nothing in the last four months? In the last four years?

The answer was always, and still is, No. But as the days tick away, it becomes harder and harder to see a way out. Or more accurately, a way back to him.

So now I'm not so much running away, as I am hiding. And that feels so much worse.

The chirp of my phone saves me from my thoughts, but a quick glance at the clock tells me that I already know what the text says. It's 4pm, so it's Rachel's turn. Harmony's already came at 10am. The texts are always identical.

_To Kurt: Have you called him yet?_

I don't respond. They won't speak to me until the answer is yes. The texts started a week ago. Apparently, 4 days was the limit for not contacting your boyfriend before your friends get mad at you.

I know Harmony knows more than she's telling me already. All she would confirm the first day was that she and Nick were both with me and Blaine drying our tears. After that, she refused to be a spy. She told me clearly that she would not jeopardize her relationship with Nick because I was too stupid to go after the only boy I've ever loved. She said she'd feel differently if Blaine had been a cad or done something wrong, but that wasn't the case. If I wanted to know how he was, I was going to have to man up and call him myself.

The echo of her words bang around in my brain as I sit curled up on my couch, my phone in my hand. I'm now at the part of my daily routine where I stare at my phone and will it to call Blaine. Of course, my powers of telekinesis are non-existent, so nothing ever happens. I want to call him, my heart is screaming at me to move my fingers but I am paralyzed. And this is so much worse than four years ago. Back then, I just shut it all out and pretended to move on. That's not at all what I want this time.

I know he's only a phone call away. I'm so angry at my own hesitation. I can direct a stage full of actors into creating a new reality but I can't make this one phone call to save my relationship.

I still have a death grip on my phone when it chirps to life. I stare at the tiny screen, mesmerized.

 _To Kurt:_ The Dreamer's Lounge _. Saturday at 9:30pm. Please. Blaine xx_

My heart jolts at the sight of Blaine's name on my phone. I frantically reread the message, desperately seeking more information. I feel my core temperature dropping as dread takes hold of my heart. My fingers begin to shake and I manage to catch my phone as it slips and place it on my coffee table. The what if scenarios start racing through my mind before I even pull my fingers back.

What if...he wants to break up and he's picked a place where he's comfortable and hopes I won't make a scene.

What if...he's written me a song about letting me go.

What if...he doesn't love me anymore because I'm being such a callous jerk.

What if...

But even as all these imagined scenarios chip away at my frozen heart, I quickly realize that I never once consider not going. This is one of those moments in our lives that I can not avoid. This will be the moment where we change our pattern. For better or worse.

* * *

Today's rehearsal is even more gruelling than usual. Rehearsals lately have only served as a slap in the face reminder that everyone I care about is mad at me. It's the only time my so-called friends even acknowledge my existence and even then, it's only as their Stage Director.

I see them huddled in the corner during breaks, whispering and glancing surreptitiously in my direction every so often. I long to walk over to them and demand that they speak to me. That they understand I'm just as mad at myself as they are at me. Instead, I lean against the wall in the shadows and nurse my broken heart.

So I'm in shock, when Nick walks toward me during a break.

"Don't hit me," I say meekly, shuffling my feet and staring at the ground.

"As tempted as I may be, I would never. Besides, I can see just how upset you are about this. Even if it is your own doing," Nick tells me, his voice laced with frustration.

I just nod and continue to look everywhere but at him. I can't bring myself to see the disappointment in his face, or to risk begging him to tell me how Blaine is doing. Although, I'm about to find out for myself. In exactly six hours.

"Just, Kurt," Nick says my name firmly and my eyes fly up involuntarily. "Please Kurt, just tell me that you're going tonight."

"Yes, yes, of course," I ramble in response. "I wouldn't, well, I just wouldn't stand him up like that."

Nick smiles weakly at me in gratitude and reaches for my arm, giving it a gentle pat, "It's going to be okay. You guys, you're going to figure this out."

"Thanks, Nick," I say quietly, wishing I had the same confidence.

* * *

The next hours pass in a haze of dancers and songs and watching Tony die over and over again. It serves as a timely reminder of how truly devastating a lost love can be. Rachel and Harmony both hug me after I dismiss everyone for the day. I hug them back with too much force but neither of them say anything. I'm not sure if they know what's about to happen, but I know they wouldn't tell me even if they did. So I don't say anything. I just accept the moment of physical comfort for what it is and go about getting ready to leave.

I change quickly into my tight blue jeans, white henley, and black vest. I opted for simple and understated, unsure of what I'm walking into. I dressed for my current mood. Tonight is not the night for bold fashion statements. Tonight is the night for stripping away the layers. At least, that's my deepest hope for how it will end and I'm not thinking about just my clothes.

I catch a taxi right away, so before I have time to start freaking out again, my hand is opening the door to  _The Dreamers' Lounge_. I walk through the door and Blaine's voice surrounds me like a blanket. It's a balm on my raw, aching heart as I step further into the room.

_That if these walls come crashing down_

_And the rain starts pouring in_

_And if the stars are burning out_

_You know that I can get through anything_

_If I've got you_

_By my side, by my side_

_Can you see what I can see_

_Got my heart out on my sleeve_

_And I'm telling you it's not easy_

_I know you're the one for me_

_Wishing you and I can be…_

_And I'm asking you_

_Do you feel it at all?_

As he finishes singing, his eyes frantically search the audience. It takes a moment and then his gaze settles on me and I catch a quick flash of hope in a sea of liquid gold. I see his entire body sag with relief and a small, shy smile grace his beautiful lips. I give him a small wave and settle into a seat just off to the side of the stage. I have an excellent view of him seated at the piano and also of the audience. I love to watch people watching him, hearing him for the first time. I love to see the awe he inspires in them. I have a feeling we're all in for something extra special tonight. And I know now, from his small smile, that all the what ifs in my head had been wrong. This isn't going to be a public break-up but rather a public declaration of love.  _And when, oh when, am I going to start trusting in that before it's too late._

Blaine takes a deep breath and leans into his microphone, "Good evening folks. I hope you're all enjoying the show tonight," he pauses while a smattering of applause comes from the audience. "Good, I'm really glad to hear that. Thank you. Now, I uh, don't usually say anything too personal but tonight I'm going to change that with my final song of the evening. I wrote this song last week, for a very special someone in my life who is here tonight and well, I just hope he hears everything I'm saying, because I'm singing this just for him."

Blaine settles himself at the piano again and plays softly through the opening notes, each one building upon the last and growing in strength, until he opens his mouth and pours all of his emotions onto the keyboard for everyone to see. But I don't see them, I only see him.

_I'm sorry I don't understand_

_Where all of this is coming from_

_I thought that we were fine_

_(Oh, we had everything)_

_Your head is running wild again_

_My dear we still have everythin'_

_And it's all in your mind_

I can't breathe. I can't tear my eyes away from him even as he becomes blurry through the tears that started to flow after the first three lines. Every word he sings goes straight to my heart. I'm listening to him and I know it's everything he wanted to say but couldn't. It's everything I needed to hear but didn't know how.

_You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh_

_You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh_

_There's nothing more than empty sheets_

_Between our love, our love_

_Oh, our love, our love_

I am the only thing standing in our way. Blaine's lyrics are beautiful and true and this is the most amazing song I've ever heard. And I'm not just thinking that because I was the inspiration for it. I glance quickly at the audience. I have to see if they're as affected as I am.

I see the stage lights reflected back in their eyes and I know there are tears sitting there. I am not the only one feeling the vulnerability, the raw truth of love that he is singing about. This isn't just a problem we're having. Other people can identify too. In fact, there is one guy writing furiously in a notebook and for a moment I think that's kind of strange, but then Blaine is singing again and I can't focus on anyone else any more. I turn toward the stage again and inhale sharply when I realize that he is looking straight at me. And he never looks away.

_Just give me a reason_

_Just a little bits enough_

_Just a second we're not broken just bent_

_And we can learn to love again_

_I never stopped_

_You're still written in the scars on my heart_

_You're not broken just bent_

_And we can learn to love again_

The applause is deafening as Blaine plays the final notes. He waves a quick thank you in the general direction of the audience but he is moving toward me like a lion going in for the kill. I am frozen to my seat, not that I want to run away. I already feel like I'm bleeding out right in front of him. I know he can see it, the moment when I give myself over to him completely and he takes hold of my arm and pulls me from my chair without a word. He leads us backstage, into a dark corner and crowds me against the wall. He gives me one moment, one chance to say no, before he pushes his entire body against mine and takes possession of my lips.

I cling desperately to his back, fisting his shirt and give everything to him. We're both crying and our tears mingle on my cheek as our tongues find a harmony. When my lungs ache for air, Blaine pulls back and starts sucking on my neck.

In between each dominating nip, his breath is hot against the wetness as he finally breaks our silence. "I love you." His tongue smooths over the aching spot. "Never letting you go." His lips are soft against my jaw. "Not allowed to do this again." His voice is a whisper in my ear. "I love you." He kisses the breath out of me again.

I inhale sharply every chance I get and exhale the only words I can, "I love you" and "I'm so sorry" and "Never again."

"Never again is right," Blaine growls in my ear and my entire body quakes from the sound. He pushes the length of his body against mine again and I feel every flex of his muscles and throb of his hardening cock. "We're not done talking about this," he tells me with a quick thrust of his hips, "but first I'm taking you home and fucking you into my mattress because apparently you forgot who you belong to."

Everything drains from my body except for the blood that shoots straight for my, now prominent, erection. Maybe my Dad had been right. And yes, this isn't the most opportune time to think about my father, but his words about me needing Blaine to fight for us are the last coherent thought I have, before I turn myself over to the pure want that is coursing through my veins.

* * *

We don't talk during the short walk to Blaine's apartment. He doesn't release his grip on my hand until we're standing in front of his door and he needs both hands to unlock it. As soon as it swings open he grabs my arm and pulls me inside. The door slams shut behind me as I'm thrusted against the wall and Blaine's hands are swiftly unbuttoning my coat and dropping it to the floor. We both kick off our shoes as he attaches his lips to my collarbone and never stops sucking. Not as I pull his coat off of him, or as he removes my vest or untucks my shirt. He only stops when he tugs my shirt over my head and then he reattaches his lips a little lower on my body. His tongue swipes at my nipple and when he nips with his teeth my knees buckle beneath me. He grabs me around the waist to keep me upright and his thumbs dip beneath the waistband of my pants. He hums approvingly when he realizes that I'm not wearing any underwear.

"Your aversion to panty lines is so fucking hot," Blaine confesses passionately in my ear as he pushes our hips together and crowds me against the wall again. There is no mistaking the feel of his erection throbbing between us, even with our pants preventing the skin-on-skin contact we're both desperate for.

"Take me to your bed," I whimper as his hips continue to thrust in an irregular pattern.

"Yes," Blaine growls at me. He hooks a finger through one of my belt loops and tugs me behind him.

He stops us at the foot of his bed. He reaches down and yanks his comforter off the bed before he turns around and strips off my pants in a single, well practiced motion. Then he steps around me and pushes me, gently, onto his bed. Without a word he pulls my hips up and backward, so that I'm on my hands and knees. My ass on display for him, which earns me a reverent "beautiful" as I hear him removing his clothes swiftly behind me. He grabs the bottle of lube from his nightstand and then I feel the bed dip as he climbs onto it.

Blaine drapes his body along my back, I can feel his erection, hard and hot against my bare ass. Then he leans forward and half asks, half tells me, "Gonna fuck you without a condom." He holds completely still and it takes me a second to realize he's waiting for permission, or worse, confirmation. Confirmation that there isn't any reason why we can't have unprotected sex. We'd both been tested months ago, when condoms become more of a hassle than they were worth. A barrier that neither of us wanted between us. And now there is doubt, where there never was before and my heart cracks open as a small sob escapes my lips.

"You. Only you. Only ever you," I tell him with as much confidence as my bleeding heart can manage.

"Mine," he responds forcefully with a single bite to my shoulder before he's moving to the end of the bed and settling in between my legs. "Fuck, you're so gorgeous like this."

I wiggle my ass in the air and he groans loudly. I can hear him shifting around but he hasn't touched me yet and I feel like I'm going to explode from the anticipation. I'm about to whine in desperation when I feel his tongue begin rimming me, without any warning. The sensation jolts through me and my entire body crashes to his bed.

"Nuh uh," Blaine says immediately and places his hands on each side of my hips. He thrusts my ass backwards and right into his face. Within minutes of his tongue slowly opening me up, my arms are shaking beneath my shoulders.

"Blaine, fuck, that feels so good, but I, oh, I can't," I mumble incoherently, but I think he understands because his tongue slows down and I feel him gently insert two fingers and stretch me open further. Without any conscious thought, my body thrusts back onto his fingers and I'm rewarded with a third finger.

"Not gonna last," is all I can say as he strokes inside me, his fingers grazing my prostate every chance he gets.

I feel Blaine place a single kiss to the base of my spine as his fingers slip out of me. I hear him open the bottle of lube, followed by a squelch as he slicks up his erection. There is a moment of nothing and then there's Blaine everywhere. He slides inside of me in a single, fluid motion and lays his body across my back. His hips snap forward and back without any hesitation as he sucks on the base of my neck. I throw my head backward, giving him greater access to my skin and he eagerly attaches his lips closer to my collarbone. I moan loudly at the thought of how marked my skin is going to look tomorrow.

Our rhythm starts to build and eventually he pulls himself upright. One hand latches onto my right hip and his other hand trails up the back of my now sweat soaked neck. I feel his fingers entwine in my hair as he gives a firm tug and begins to pound into me at a relentless pace. And this is nothing like what our sex life has been like. This is all want and demand and it is the hottest thing I've ever experienced because it's Blaine. Even with no gentle caresses, no drawn out stares into each other's eyes and no slow thrusts, I feel completely loved. I feel like I am the only thing in the entire world that is keeping him alive right now and in return, he is the only thing that is keeping me grounded.

Moments later my orgasm rips through my body. I scream, "BLAINE!" in a single release of everything that has built up between us over the last few weeks. My cock was completely untouched and yet I cum so forcefully that I feel a warm splash on my chin.

"Fuck Kurt, so tight, so fucking tight for me," Blaine is a babbling mess behind me and three forceful thrusts later I feel him shoot hot and deep inside of me. And even though I just had the most intense orgasm of my life, my cock twitches in interest at the feel of Blaine throbbing through his own orgasm.

Blaine collapses against my back and I collapse against his mattress. We are a heap of sticky, sweaty body parts and I don't think I've ever been happier. When our breathing returns to normal, and the feeling returns to my wrists, I roll us around until we settle with my head on Blaine's chest. Neither one of us willing to part from the other for the time it would take to clean up.

The only sound I hear is Blaine's steady heartbeat and I feel at peace for the first time in weeks. My eyelids begin to close and I think that Blaine may already be asleep when I hear, "I'm so sorry, Kurt," just above the volume of whisper. I wouldn't have even known Blaine had spoken, if it wasn't for the vibrations I feel in his chest.

"What, what are you sorry for Blaine?!" I respond and try to sit up, but he holds me tightly to his chest. So I continue my protests, as my breath puffs across his skin, "I screwed up. I'm the one who stopped talking to you. I'm the one who pushed you away," I say as I draw lazy circles on his chest and bury my face into his neck. I inhale deeply and shutter as I'm surrounded by the heady smell of post-sex Blaine. A smell that part of me was worried I would never experience again.

"But I'm the one who let it happen," he starts to say. I try to cut him off, but he places his hand on top of mine on his chest and I can feel his heart beating faster beneath my palm. "Please, let me say this."

I nod and wait while he gathers his thoughts again, all the while feeling the steady thump-thump-thump of his heart.

"I let you get lost in your thoughts. I knew what was happening, I could feel it in every fibre of my being, and I was too scared to confront you. That's always been our weakness. You don't need someone who lets you spiral out of control because he's too afraid of the answers. And I was that guy, way back when. But I'm not that person any more. I'm stronger than that and I know what I want. Beyond a doubt. So, I'm sorry that I didn't show you that months ago. I knew we were skating around the edges, both of us just content to stay in a happy place, to rediscover each other and the love we used to have. But I'm not some scared eighteen year-old any more. I moved to New York City on my own. I fought for every single thing I have and none of it, not a single piece of furniture, or moment of singing on a stage, none of it matters more to me than fighting for you. I don't want what we used to have. That was the love between two sheltered teens. That was a first love, pure and true but not strong enough to withstand the struggles of growing up. Living these last two weeks without you has been torture. But it was also a blessing, it was the wake up call I needed. It isn't that I need you, because I don't, not in the way I think we both needed each other in high school. You aren't my escape any more Kurt, and I don't want to be yours," Blaine stops abruptly, his chest heaving from his heartfelt speech. He rolls out from under me and lays down on top of me. He places his hands on either side of my head and stares down at me.

We're both crying, but neither one of us moves to wipe away the tears. I realize quickly that this is part of it. The ability to fall apart, the ability to look like your entire world has shattered, with snot and tears and bloodshot eyes and to not care. That it will never again be about how my hair looks, or how put together my outfits are, that it is about the fact that Blaine can lay inches above me and see directly into my soul. That he can see all the pieces of me and loves me, not inspite of them, but because of them.

"You're not," I whisper. "You're not my escape. I'm not running away from anything. I'm running toward you, I swear."

"Yes," Blaine chokes out before he smashes our lips together. The kiss is messy and too wet and unnecessarily loud, but it's everything I've been dreaming about for the last two weeks, the last four months and most definitely, the last four years. It's a kiss between two people who will have no more secrets and no more doubts between them.

When we break apart, Blaine collapses on top of me and I wrap my arms tightly around his waist and pull him impossibly closer. He mumbles something into my hair that I don't quite catch.

"Blaine?" I ask quietly.

"I said, I feel like there was more I wanted to say. Something akin to a promise for our future," Blaine says as he smiles down at me. There's a glimmer in his eyes that hasn't been there in months. It ignites a fire that was buried beneath my insecurities, hidden away from my heart and keeping a distance between us. Everything melts away as I watch his love filled gaze and the air between us shifts to excitement about the future.

"What are you promising?" I ask with a teasing tone and a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"To confront when you when I know you're worried; to surprise you; to always pick up your phone call, no matter what I'm doing; to take you dancing at least twice a year; and to kiss you wherever and whenever you want; but mostly, just to make sure that you remember how perfectly imperfect you are."

I feel the words  _perfectly imperfect_  etch themselves into my heart as I lean upwards and capture Blaine's lips. We both murmur "I love you" until we drift off to sleep, without any space between our bodies or our hearts.

* * *

**Chapter 17 End Notes:**  So this story may be written from Kurt's perspective, but I love how Blaine took control of this chapter. I hope you did too! The songs Blaine sang are  _By My Side_  by Tyler Shaw and  _Just Give Me a Reason_ by P!nk.


	18. The Journal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let you know we're getting close to the end. There are two more chapters, plus an epilogue, after this update. Enjoy! :)

**Chapter 18 - The Journal**

The bed is cold. That's the first thing I notice as I come to consciousness again, before I even open my eyes. And for a brief moment, my heart freezes in my chest. Did I imagine last night? Am I going to have to face another day without Blaine? I inhale sharply at the distress that courses through my veins. Just as I'm about to exhale a weary sigh, something shifts inside of me. I realize that my nose is filled with the musky smell of Blaine, a smell that is sweeter to me than any cologne. I roll from my back onto my stomach and bury my nose deep into his pillow. It wasn't a dream, and I let out a low moan in relief.

"I could help you with that," Blaine murmurs in my ear and nips gently at my bare shoulder.

"I wasn't," I stammer, "Oh my goodness, Blaine!" I leave my face buried in his pillow as I feel it burn with embarrassment.

"It's okay, I mean," Blaine tries to reassure me, but it just seems to be making the situation worse and before I can control myself I start laughing hysterically. I can't stop the joyful tears that leak from my eyes and I roll over now and look at an absolutely shell shocked Blaine.

"I woke up alone," I bark out between giggles. "I thought I made last night up in my head, but then I smelled your pillow and well, you saw what happened next."

"So you weren't…" Blaine's voice trails off as his eyes hungrily scan my naked torso.

"Um, well, no," I say quietly.

"That's too bad," he shrugs and then turns around to walk out of his bedroom. I grab his pillow and fling it as his back, where it lands with a gentle smack. Blaine turns around with a look of mock outrage on his face before he picks up the pillow, throws it to the side, and then flings himself on top of me on the bed. His hands are on my bare sides before I can defend myself and he's tickling me senseless.

"Blaine, stop, Blaine, stop," I plead but he keeps tickling me and I can't fight the squeals of laughter he's drawing out of me with every brush of his fingertips. Finally, when I'm pretty sure my bladder isn't going to survive the onslaught, I yell, "UNCLE!"

Blaine's hands still on my hips and he nuzzles into the crook of my neck. His stubble is a welcome burn against my skin, as I catch my breath. His fingertips press in slightly and he's basically pinning me to his bed. It isn't like last night, all hot and demanding, but as if he's worried I'm going to float away. And for a moment, I feel like I could but not for the reason I fear he's thinking about. Joy is bubbling up inside of me and I blurt out, "I missed you so much," before I even think about it. The happiness bubble around us pops as Blaine slumps against me.

"Let's not do this right now," Blaine whispers.

"I'm not trying to ruin the morning," I whisper back, "I just needed to tell you that. We can't pretend like it didn't happen. That's how we got into this mess in the first place."

I feel him nod against me. "You're right, of course. I just loved hearing you laugh. That was something that's been missing for longer than just the weeks we were apart."

"And I loved laughing with you." I lace our fingers together and bring his knuckles to my lips, kissing each one gently. "That's what I was doing wrong before. By trying to hide from my fears and worries, I was just coasting. I never really felt anything. I kept the negative stuff at arms length, but I know now, that it meant I was keeping the happiness away too."

"You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that," Blaine tells me.

I can sense there's something more behind those words. "Blaine?" I say his name and turn to meet his eyes. He's biting his bottom lip and looks far too adorable for his own good. I kiss him quickly, hoping to wipe the anxious look off his face.

"I want to show you something." He untangles himself from me and gets off the bed. I sit up and follow his movements with my eyes. He walks to his dresser and opens the top left hand drawer. He pulls out a worn leather journal, shuts the drawer and settles down on the bed facing me. "When you broke up with me in high school. Well, I was in high school, you, of course were in college, and sorry, I'm rambling. Anyway, back then, I didn't have a lot of people to talk to."

I try to offer some sort of comfort with a sound escaping from my lips before I even know what words I could possibly say, but Blaine waves me off. "Don't, this isn't about that. I'm not telling you this so that you'll apologize again. I just, want to share this with you."

"Okay, thank you," is all I can think to say before I close my mouth dramatically, so that he knows I won't interrupt again.

"Wes knew I was struggling. I was still writing a few songs, but that was about it. He suggested I start writing in a journal. Not just songs, but all my thoughts. At first I thought it was silly, but then one day I stopped trying to fit my thoughts into lyrics and just wrote whatever came to mind. I wrote for two hours straight. It was such an amazing release," Blaine pauses and flips open the journal, obviously looking for a specific entry.

I see pages and pages filled with his script. There are small doodles of hearts and guitars and little birds in the margins. I even catch a glimpse of the New York skyline sketched across the top of a page. I smile to myself because it looks exactly like I would imagine Blaine's journal to look. There are no crossed out lines, no smudges, just perfect line after perfect line of writing. I'm envious really, to see how uninhibited he was in his writing. My own journals are filled with blacked out words and ripped pages. Even in my most private thoughts, I edit myself relentlessly.

Blaine finds the page he's looking for and turns it toward me, I gasp when I read the words,  _My Dearest Kurt,_  written at the top. It's dated three years ago.

"Eventually, I started writing you letters," he tells me. "I never thought, well, I never thought you'd ever read them. But now you're here and I feel like some of the things I said back then are still things I need to say now," Blaine rushes out the words and then glances down at the page. "I've never been good with words..."

"Blaine, that's not true," I cut him off to protest, but he's shaking his head.

"No, I've never been good with words out loud but I can write them and well, I just, please read this," Blaine hands the journal to me.

"Of course, thank you," I say again, as I accept the piece of his heart that he is offering me in tangible form and begin to read.

_My Dearest Kurt,_

_I hope you are well. I know it's been a while since I've written but I was busy getting ready to move to New York. Yep, I'm finally doing it. My car's all packed and my parents are pissed but I don't care. I can't stay here another second. And I know everyone thinks I'm chasing after you, but I'm not. New York was my dream too, before you came into my life. It had always been a bit abstract, like a silent black & white movie clip, and well, it turned into a vivid colour dream when we talked about it together. After you left me, well, the colours are muted now but that's okay. I don't mind. I think maybe, your colours are muted too. I know I'm going out on a limb here, but as much as you might deny it, I know you. I know that you retreat to the middle ground when things get scary or you're overwhelmed. I know that guarding your heart from the pain of life means shutting it off from the joys too. _(I gasp and look up at Blaine with shining eyes. He smiles at me with a reassuring nod and glances back down at the journal. I keep reading.) _But that's no way to live, Kurt. It's a cheesy saying but you can't have the rainbow without the rain, and I want your life to be full of rainbows. I want to bring the colour back into your life and mine. So I'm moving to New York and I'm going to follow my dreams and I'm going to find a way to encourage you to follow yours. I know you left me, and maybe you never think about me any more. I'm probably naive to think that you're just waiting for me to arrive, but even if you've achieved every dream we ever made, I hope there's a place for me in your life. Because there will always be a place for you in mine._

_Forever yours,_

_Blaine xxoo_

I get to the end of the letter, and I mean to stop reading, I really do. I have so many things I want to tell Blaine and the words are all swimming in front of me now from the teardrops pooling in my eyes. His letter was full of so many heart truths that I feel stripped bare, but I can't stop my eyes from following his elegant script further along the pages, and he doesn't stop me.

_Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain-check_

_I don't ever wanna let you down_

_I don't ever wanna leave this town_

_'Cause after all_

_This city never sleeps at night_

_It's time to begin, isn't it?_

_I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit_

_I'm just the same as I was_

_Now don't you understand_

_That I'm never changing who I am_

"Blaine, this is all so beautiful," I tell him and I'm not just talking about his letter. The tears are now running freely down my cheeks. "Your letter was incredible, thank you. I wish you would have sent it to me. Oh Blaine, everything you said is true. I was never truly living here until you found me again. I told you that on our first date in New York. You do know me and I'm an idiot for ever thinking that you don't. But Blaine, it's not just the letter, these words...no lyrics, please tell me it's a song, these are amazing," I'm gushing now, but I don't care. I need to tell him a million different ways how talented he is.

"Really?" Blaine asks.

"Really!" I place the journal reverently beside me and pull Blaine into a hug. I wrap my arms around him and hold on tight. "You're amazing," I say just loud enough that I know he'll hear me.

I hold him until I feel his pulse settle down and his breathing become regular again. When we pull apart, he doesn't go far. He rests his forehead against mine and smiles shyly, "I think we're amazing together."

"So do I," I confirm before capturing his lips. The kiss is slow, neither one of us in a hurry. We have all day to rediscover each other. We may have been apart for less than two weeks, but every day felt like a lifetime, and I intend to take just as much time to build us back up together.

* * *

"That's it. Get out of my sight. Don't come back until Friday night. And don't do anything foolish, like break an arm or dye your hair between now and then!" my voice is loud but the bite isn't in it. I can see everyone gathered on stage smiling at me. They know I adore them and all the hard work they've put into these last few weeks to get ready for our opening night. And we are ready. This final dress rehearsal was as flawless as I could ask for and I'm excited to show the rest of the theatre world what we've got.

As the cast starts to disperse, Blaine breaks through my thoughts as he approaches the stage from his seat in the audience. "I don't know how many times I'm going to be able to watch this one," Blaine tells me. Except when I turn around, I realize he isn't talking to me. "I can't watch you die over and over," Blaine wipes at his eyes as he approaches Nick, still lying on the ground. "And I can't watch Harmony's reaction to it either. You're breaking my heart every single time," he tells my best friend as another tear escapes.

"Well, that's the biggest compliment any Maria could hear," Harmony says and rushes forward to gather Blaine in her arms.

Nick stands up and I catch his eye. We both smile fondly at seeing our significant others sharing an embrace. It really shouldn't surprise me at how well we all get along. Nick and Harmony handled the situation between Blaine and I way better than I probably would have. They managed to stay true to our friendships and never once got in the middle. It made it so much easier too, once Blaine and I reconciled. No one had to feel bad for saying something they regretted. I like to believe that they knew our reconciliation was inevitable, but they probably would have handled it flawlessly even if it wasn't. We couldn't ask for better friends.

And while Blaine and I were being less than careful with our hearts, Nick and Harmony were busy building their own stable relationship. They've worked together every day during rehearsals, and it's not a secret to anyone on the cast that they're dating, but they still manage to keep it private. I never feel like I'm watching Harmony and Nick on stage. When they're in their roles, the love emanating between them belongs completely to Tony and Maria.

Sudden movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. I turn and see Rachel, standing just at the edge of the curtains, still dressed as Anita. The stage makeup is darker than she ever wears on her own, and the dark curls cascading around her face make her look older. Despite the thick layer of cover up, I can still see the dark circles under her eyes. I remember the tear filled phone call, only a few days ago, when she told me she didn't get the role on Broadway after all. I assured her that the right role was waiting for her, it was just a matter of time. But as I see her now, my heart aches for her. Her thoughts are so plainly written across her face, as she stands there, feeling unlucky in roles and unlucky in love.

"Pizza and beer, on me!" I say abruptly, feeling like I need to break everyone out of the melancholy that has settled around us on the stage. "Let's head back to  _Angelo's_ , like we did after the first rehearsal."

"Well, Mr. Hummel, you've never been one for nostalgia, what's gotten into you?" Harmony teases me from across the stage, where she stands flanked by Blaine and Nick.

I shrug and smile in their direction, "What can I say. Maybe I just never had the right people to be nostalgic with," I aim for teasing but I can tell my voice is laced with something more because Blaine immediately breaks free of Harmony and practically skips across the stage to embrace me. I fall easily into his arms. If there's one thing that our brief separation taught me, it's that I'm not doing either of us a favour if I pretend to be stoic.

"You okay?" Blaine whispers softly into my ear.

"Yeah, just a little overwhelmed," I tell him and kiss his cheek. I know there's more I could say, but that sums it up and I know he gets it.

"I'll stay at your place tonight," he tells me, rather than asks, and I smile gratefully at him. And that will be enough to ease my unrest. There is already a drawer full of his clothes in my bedroom, a second toothbrush by my bathroom sink and I even made space on my vanity for his travel size bottle of gel. The domesticity of it all feels far less scary than I once thought it would. A few months ago, I couldn't picture what a future together would like. Now I stare at his toothbrush resting beside mine in the morning and wonder what it would be like if it was his only one.

"Someone promised me pizza and beer," Rachel says with a forced smile as she walks to centre stage. She's changed out of her costume and into slim black pants and a black sweater, looking every bit the New Yorker that she has grown into.

"Give me five minutes," I say and glance down at my Officer Krupke costume before darting off the stage and toward my dressing room. Blaine stays behind. I can hear him approach Rachel as he inquires about her next audition. We all know it's only a matter of time before she lands her dream role. Nobody is going to stop Rachel Berry from being a star.

* * *

We arrive at the busy restaurant in good spirits and squeeze ourselves around a table for four. The girls and I squish together on the bench while Blaine and Nick take the two chairs opposite us. It's as if the two couples silently agreed that we wouldn't make this awkward for Rachel. No one is sitting close to their significant other. Right now, we're just five friends enjoying a meal and excellent company.

"You're all coming to hear me play tomorrow night, right?" Blaine asks with unnecessary puppy eyes after we've ordered our pizzas and drinks.

"Of course!" Nick replies and smacks him on the back. "Kurt told us you're going to try out some more of your own material."

"The new songs are so good," I can't help but rave, causing Blaine to blush adorably and grin bashfully at me. His response to my compliment is endearing and I imagine it's only a matter of time before he gains a loyal following. I'm not looking forward to having to share him with drooling fangirls, even if I share their opinion of his swoon worthiness.

"The manager must really love you to let you play your own stuff," Rachel says in that way she has of sounding both complimentary and condescending at the same time.

"Yeah, I know the manager's secretly hoping someone will get discovered at his lounge. It would certainly increase his exposure. The place has a consistent group of patrons, but it never hurts to try and attract a new crowd," Blaine replies with kindness. Thankfully, he is used to Rachel's abrupt manner.

"That's really smart," Harmony chimes in, "and I bet you'll be the one."

I squeeze Harmony's hand under the table, "You're the best." Her easy confidence in all of us to succeed is always a welcome feeling when we're about to head into our next endeavor. Blaine's gig tomorrow night followed by our opening night on Friday, has me needing her reassurances right now. I'm probably blowing things out of proportion in my head, but I feel like we're all sitting at the precipice of a significant moment in our lives.

The pizzas arrive and Nick growls in appreciation. "I can't believe how much food I eat now. I keep thinking I'm going through a growth spurt, but then I don't get any taller. This must have been what Blaine felt like in high school."

"A short joke, really Duval?" Blaine elbows his friend and shakes his head in mock disappointment. "Surely you can do better than that!"

Nick moves to block Blaine's jab and they get into a poking fight. Harmony is quick to put an end to it with a simple, "You're not actually in high school any more boys."

They both drop their hands immediately and are suddenly fascinated by the food on the table in front of them.

"And besides, you can thank Kurt, for the increased appetite," Harmony continues and bumps our shoulders together. "When we were rehearsing for  _Grease_ , I dropped two dress sizes and it wasn't a good thing. I had to start eating an extra meal and snacks every day. _NYADA_  was hard but we still spent a fair bit of time stationary while we studied for exams and wrote papers. Stage life is a lot more active than I realized."

"I have the opposite problem," Blaine says and affectionately pats his imaginary beer belly.

"Um, I'm pretty sure you're the perfect size," I tell him sweetly.

"Well, thank you, but it's not without effort. I envy your built in workouts. Days when I'm inspired to compose, I don't even go for a walk. I guess it's good that sometimes I forget to eat. And the train conductor job isn't exactly physically demanding," Blaine finishes and shakes his head ruefully.

"You could always run to Kurt's place instead of riding the train, you know, when you go for a sleepover," Nick offers helpfully with a sly smirk.

"Yeah, I can't believe you guys are still doing that commute when Blaine has a place perfectly located in the city. I always thought Kurt was crazy for moving off the island anyway," Rachel pipes in, between mouthfuls of vegan pizza.

"Yes, Rachel, we're all well aware of your Manhattan elitism," I snark back. I'm not ready to broach the subject of Blaine and I living together, even if I have been thinking about it, a lot, lately. He hasn't mentioned it and the first time we do talk about it, won't be with an audience.

"The train ride is a great destressor," Blaine says, trying to diffuse the tension. "I can see why Kurt enjoys it and besides, if it wasn't for that train ride, I wouldn't be sitting here right now."

"Exactly! And I think of that fateful train ride every time I'm coming into the city," I conclude, a faint blush colouring my cheeks. I hope it's clear that the topic is closed to further discussion.

For the rest of the meal, the conversation stays in neutral territory. We debate the upcoming  _Academy Awards_  and which star will shine on the red carpet. We also, briefly discuss their performances in their movies, but it isn't the same to us as stage acting. Which leads into a discussion of our dream roles and by the end of the meal, we've made a wish list of the  _Broadway_  plays we all want to see. There's promises of future outings together to enjoy the shows. And then everyone is yawning, myself included, and Blaine is guiding me out of the restaurant.

We say our goodbyes outside. I give Rachel a tighter hug than usual and whisper, "The right role is just around the corner," into her ear. She kisses my cheek and waves one final time before disappearing into the busy New York night.

"She's going to be okay," Harmony reassures me with a tight hug of her own. "Go home and focus on your man."

"I plan to," I tell her honestly before grabbing Blaine's hand and dragging him toward the train station.

* * *

The next night, we're walking hand in hand back to his apartment after Blaine's gig at  _The Dreamer's Lounge_. "Blaine, I'm telling you, you killed it. The audience loved every one of your songs," I say loudly, as if my volume will help to emphasize my point. He keeps shaking his head in disbelief. So I repeat myself, just a little bit louder, until I'm certain it sticks in that adorable brain of his.

The cold air whirls around us, so I snuggle closer to Blaine for warmth. He hums appreciatively and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me in even tighter. I kiss his cheek in thanks and he turns so that our eyes meet. His golden eyes swirl with happiness and I feel my heart skip a beat.

"You take my breath away. Not just now, but tonight on that stage. I was so proud to be with you," I pour my heart out to him on the street and he stops walking immediately. He turns to face me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I hope so. I want you to be. Always." Blaine replies, his eyes sparking in the light from the street lamps around us.

"Always," I reassure him with a single word and a searing kiss.

Someone whistles as they walk by us and we both pull apart laughing.

"We really need to stop making out on the street," I say between my giggles.

"I don't know, I kind of like it. I love how free you are here. How free we both are. I love that we can kiss and walk down the street holding hands. This is what we always dreamed about," Blaine says as he chases my mouth for a second kiss.

I oblige, because honestly, kissing him is always going to be my favourite thing. "You're what I dream about," I breath into the space between us when we pull our lips apart a second time.

"Kurt," Blaine whispers my name and then tugs my hand, pulling me forward. He seems to be walking a lot faster toward his apartment now.

"What's the rush?" I ask feigning innocence.

Blaine turns toward me and waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Thankfully we were already close to his apartment when the kissing started and a few minutes later I find myself crowded against the mailboxes in the building's foyer, as Blaine's tongue pushes its way into my mouth. My gloves are hastily stuffed into my pockets so that my hands can sneak under Blaine's coat. I untuck his shirt and stroke appreciatively along the soft skin just above the waistband of his pants.

I swallow his moan and push my hips forward just enough to get the friction I'm desperately seeking. He grinds my hips backward in response and we're quickly rutting against each other with abandon.

"Blaine, Blaine, Blaine," I chant his name as we both chase our release.

A moment later, a gust of wind slaps me across the face and I'm briefly reminded of the feel of a slushie being thrown at me. It's enough to break our rhythm and when my eyes fly open, I notice we're no longer alone in the foyer.

I gently push Blaine backward and bury my face in my hands. He turns his upper body around, leaving his poorly concealed erection blocked by my body and greets his neighbour.

"Hey Deb, how's it going?" Blaine tries for nonchalance but he isn't fooling any of us.

The woman, Deb, shakes her head at him, her auburn hair tumbling around her face and for a moment I worry we're both about to get a verbal lashing about decency. But then there's a smile that causes her blue eyes to crinkle adorably.

"Not as well as it's going with you!" She teases and steps toward us. "You must be Kurt. I'm Deb, Blaine's downstairs neighbour. The one who had to tolerate his late night dance parties for one. I'm glad that he's found himself such a good looking dance partner. It was really a shame to let such a talented guy be solo for so long."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I say with all the charm I can muster while I still have a throbbing erection to hide. "And I'm very glad to be his dance partner from now on."

"Good," she replies. "I'll let the two of you get back to your evening. Although, may I suggest that you take it upstairs. I have some tv shows saved on my DVR. I'll be sure to adjust the volume appropriately," she says with a wink and an affectionate smile before unlocking the foyer door and disappearing inside.

"Well, that went a lot better than it could have," Blaine says conversationally.

I just shake my head before I drop it with a gentle thud onto his shoulder. "Not exactly the way I wanted to meet your neighbours," I say into his coat.

"She's wonderful. We'll have her over for lunch one weekend and you can impress her with more than just the way you leave me breathless," Blaine says and rubs his hands up and down my arms. "Come on, I'll grab my mail and then we'll do what Deb so wisely suggested."

As Blaine steps over to his mail box, my eyes land on a bulletin board beside the door. I never pay it a lot of attention. Mostly the flyers are for used furniture and the occasional free kitten. But today, my eyes are drawn to a yellow paper posted right in the middle. The words  _For Rent_  jump out at me. I quickly scan the flyer and see that it's for a two bedroom apartment in Blaine's building. I don't get a chance to read further because Blaine is suddenly standing beside me and handing me a pile of envelopes to hold, while he fumbles with his keys for the building.

I glance down at the papers in my hand. "Um, babe, why is there an envelope addressed to you in your handwriting?" I blurt out. "Not that I was snooping through your mail," I quickly add.

"Kurt, it's okay. You can snoop through my mail any day. I don't have any secrets," Blaine tells me as we finally enter the building and walk up the stairs to his apartment.

"Thanks, but that still doesn't answer my question."

We arrive at his apartment door and he lets us both in. We strip off our coats and shoes. He takes the mail out of my hand and pulls me toward his couch. He keeps the envelope I asked about in his hand and places the rest of the pile on his coffee table.

Once we're both seated, with our knees gently touching, he turns the envelope over and I notice his signature scrawled across the seal. I look up at him, my eyebrow arched.

"It's my copyright system," Blaine tells me.

"Your what?" I ask, unclear as to what he's talking about.

"It's the way I ensure that I have proof that my songs are mine. Whenever I finish writing a song, and I think it's one that I'll eventually perform in public, I mail it to myself. I've written the entire thing on sheet music inside, signed and dated it. Then I sign the outside seal as well. If there was ever any doubt that I own my songs, these would be my proof. The date stamp from the post office would support my claim."

"Wow, that's actually really clever," I tell him.

"Thanks. I searched online for ways to protect my material, because I couldn't really afford the fee to copyright it officially. This should be enough for now, since the court favours the earliest date someone claims the song was written. Not that anyone would steal my stuff, but I wanted to be protected just in case."

"You don't know that!" I try to correct him.

"Don't know what?" Blaine asks with confusion.

"That someone wouldn't steal your songs," I say matter-of-factly.

"Kurt, they're not that good!" Blaine protests immediately.

I reach forward and grasp his hands in mine, "You listen to me, Blaine Anderson. Rachel and I were studying the audience almost more than we were watching you tonight," I confess simply. "I saw lots of women wiping their eyes when you sang about the scars on our hearts and lots of toes tapping when you sang about not changing who you are."

"Wow, I should enlist you guys to spy all the time. It's so hard to tell when I'm playing the songs, just how they're being received. I mean, I always get a nice round of applause, but most of the time I just tell myself they're all being polite," Blaine says.

"Well that's because you don't have enough faith in yourself. Blaine, you've already achieved so much. You play two nights a week as a solo act in a popular bar where you can sing the songs you've written. And people come back multiple times to listen to you." I tell him enthusiastically, my voice getting louder as I talk.

"You don't know that," Blaine says, parroting my own statement from a few minutes earlier.

"Don't know what?" I reply with a tease, but the look on Blaine's face erases the smile from my lips immediately.

"That they come back each week for me," Blaine replies with an adorable pout.

"Yes, I do!" I'm basically yelling at him now. "I saw the same guy tonight that I saw the night you serenaded me. In fact, shit, I can't believe I forgot to tell you about him," I say far more seriously than I mean to.

The sudden change in my tone of voice has caught Blaine's attention. He sits up straighter on the couch. He stares at me and asks with a nervous tremor in his voice, "Tell me what?"

"I saw a guy sitting alone at a table that night we made up, he was writing notes while you sang. And then Rachel spotted him again tonight. She joked that it wasn't exactly the best place to write a novel, since the lighting was so dark and it's noisy. I didn't mention that I had seen him before, but I'm sure it's nothing," I try to shrug it off but Blaine has become tense beside me. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know," he says quietly.

"Well, at least we know that if he is stealing your songs, you have proof that they're yours," I say in a calm voice, as I gesture to the sealed envelope that contains Blaine's latest material.

"Kurt, really, I doubt that's what is going on. Maybe he's some sort of inspector and the lounge is going to get in trouble for having too many people inside," Blaine half jokes.

"Well, they better apply for a renovation licence, because it's only going to get more crowded as your popularity grows."

"You're ridiculous," Blaine says fondly.

"I'm not, Blaine. I know it's only a matter of time before I'm fighting off the fangirls to get your attention," I tell him and lean forward into his line of sight.

"You will never have to fight with anyone to get my attention," he says with a growl. He closes the gap between us and captures my lips. The kiss is sloppy and needy as I collapse under his weight onto the couch. "Now, where were we?"

* * *

The anxiety is coursing through my veins when I wake the next morning. Blaine is curled tightly around me and snoring softly into my ear. I lay perfectly still, willing my brain to slow down enough so that I could catch a few more hours of sleep. Twenty minutes later I know it's futile and I'm only winding myself tighter by my lack of movement right now. I gently wiggle my way free of Blaine's hold and replace my body with a pillow. He nuzzles into the soft fabric adorably and I place a kiss on his temple before I search for my clothes. I don't need to worry about what I'm wearing right now, the sun is barely blinking between the buildings outside and I have a newly pressed suit waiting in my office at the theatre for tonight's opening. Once I'm in the living room, and I spot Blaine's phone resting on the table, I send him a quick text, knowing the chirp from it won't wake him.

To Blaine: I'm sorry I wasn't there to kiss you first thing this morning, but I know you'll understand that my anxiety kept me from sleeping longer. Text me when you're up and I'll meet you for breakfast. I'm probably in need of food right now, since I plan to purchase a very large coffee on my way to the theatre. Love you! K xxoo

I slip on my shoes and coat, then silently close the door behind me, using my key to lock it. I take the stairs two at a time and tumble into the front foyer. I glance quickly around, to ensure I'm alone, then I reach up and grab the yellow flyer advertising the 2 bedroom apartment for rent. I pull it down with a satisfying rip and stuff it into my pocket. Then I step into the brisk morning air, softly humming to myself…

_Make of our lives, one life._

_Day after day, one life._

_Now it begins, now we start,_

_One hand, one heart._

* * *

**End Notes for Chapter 18:**  The lyrics written in Blaine's journal are from "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons. The lyrics Kurt hums to himself are from "One Hand, One Heart" from  _West Side Story_. But of course all the Klainers already knew that ;) Thanks for reading!


	19. The Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello faithful readers! I'm so grateful that you're still here, reading this story that I love to write but am terribly slow at updating. We're getting so close to the end now. I hope to get the last chapter and the epilogue posted quickly, which for me probably means in a month or so ;) Hugs for all of you and your patience!

**Chapter 19 - The Surprise**

Once  _West Side Story_  opens, life picks up steam. Blaine and I settle into a routine of three nights at my apartment and four nights at his, which was mostly dictated by our work schedules and whether we felt we could stay awake long enough to get to my apartment on the train. I'm usually wired after a  _West Side Story_  performance, so we make the trek to my place together because, despite Blaine's emotional distress at watching his best friend die on stage, he has attended every performance of the musical that his work schedule allows. I make sure he has a freshly pressed handkerchief each morning, which discreetly goes into the laundry every night.

Our belongings now intermingle in both apartments. There were a few tense moments when Blaine's music sheets looked as if he was trying to makeover my living room floor but a new binder and hole puncher helped to defuse the situation quickly. Plus, a new rolling cart for all my necessary skin and hair care products has ended the battle over prime counter space in Blaine's bathroom. The rest has sorted itself out a lot easier than I anticipated. I take care of the laundry, he takes care of the grocery shopping. We do the dishes together when we manage to share a meal, and we alternate being the big spoon.

It's not perfect, but it is perfect for right now. And I'm quickly learning that that is all I can hope for. Besides, I have big plans to take us another step forward in domestic bliss.

"Kurt Hummel!" Harmony barks at me from my office couch. "Are you even listening to us?"

"Sorry, sorry, of course I am," I stutter and lie, shifting awkwardly in my desk chair. But the girls are both staring at me, their disbelief written all over their faces. There's really no fooling them.

"Where did you go just now?" Harmony asks with her own impersonation of Rachel's  _bitch please_  face. "If you're going to space out on us, the least you can do is share your fantasies."

"Oh please," Rachel chimes in from her side of the couch, "I can tell you exactly what he was thinking about. The second you mentioned moving in with Nick, you can be damn sure Kurt drifted off to think about his own living arrangement. And how my idea that they ditch his apartment for Blaine's really wasn't so outlandish after all."

"Rachel, get out of my head!" I stare at her in shock. No matter how many times she does it, I'm always amazed. "Actually, your idea, as you claim, wasn't in my thoughts. But I'm not surprised that you tried to make it all about you."

"Whatever," Rachel waves her hand and my comments away. "Let's focus back on Nick and Harm. We all knew that you and Blaine living together was inevitable."

"Well, I didn't," I huff immaturely, earning a laugh from both girls. I stand up and pace around my office, waiting for Harmony to continue talking and for both of them to stop staring at me.

Harmony is about to speak again but her cell phone ringing cuts her off. We can tell by the ring tone that it's her Uncle, our boss.

"Hey, Uncle Rob, how are you?" Harmony asks cheerfully.

Rachel and I can't hear what Rob is saying but Harmony seems very pleased with his answer. She's frantically nodding her head, even though her Uncle can't see her. At one point, she even stifles a shriek of happiness. Thankfully, the conversation is short and she has our full attention as she places her cellphone back on my coffee table.

"Rach, I have the best news!" Harmony stands up and grabs Rachel from her seat. She wraps her in a tight hug. "Like life altering news!"

"Spill it!" I shout from where I'm standing across the room.

Harmony releases her death grip on Rachel and pulls her back down beside her on the couch. "My Uncle has arranged an audition for you," she takes a deep breath, making Rachel and I both roll our eyes at the continued suspense, "for Funny Girl!"

There are no words in my office after Harmony stops speaking. There are loud shrieks of joy and random noises of disbelief from Rachel. It takes us a good ten minutes to calm down enough to get the rest of the details from Harmony.

"Apparently, Rupert Campion is directing a revival of Funny Girl on Broadway and he's looking for a fresh, new face for Fanny. Uncle Rob told him he had the perfect girl. They've been friends for years and apparently Rupert trusts my Uncle's opinion because you have an audition next week. Oh, and he got me to tell you because he knew you'd freak out and didn't want you to feel bad for screaming in his ear," Harmony finishes with a laugh. "He really does know us too well."

"I have so much to do!" Rachel says as she starts frantically pacing around my office. "I have to call my dads, and find an outfit, and pick the right song, and practice my monologue, and send flowers to Rob and…"

I walk over to where Rachel is winding herself up and place my hands on her shoulders. "Rachel Barbara Berry, you have been rehearsing your entire life for this role. There is nothing you need to do than just be your star self. You were made to play Fanny Brice," I tell her, my voice full of love and respect.

"Oh, Kurt, you really think so?" Rachel asks. And it is a rare moment of self doubt for my best friend who has been signing her name with a gold star for longer than we could sing the national anthem correctly.

"Absolutely!" I confirm and wrap her in a hug.

"I do too!" Harmony chimes in, not wanting to be left out. She crosses the room and joins in. "And clearly, my Uncle agrees with us."

* * *

Blaine's apartment is bathed in early morning sunshine. The light bounces around in eager anticipation of all the promises the day can bring. The smell of brewing coffee draws me from the bedroom and into the kitchen. I pad over to where Blaine is waiting for the coffee to finish and wrap my arms around his waist from behind, tucking my chin over his shoulder.

"I'm fully capable of making my own coffee," I say in lieu of a thank you.

Blaine turns in my embrace and pecks me lightly on the lips. "You're welcome."

I busy myself getting my favourite blue mug out of the cupboard. It strongly resembles one my Dad uses. I'm fairly certain that's not a coincidence, but I've never bothered to ask. As I pour my coffee and add sugar, Blaine kisses my cheek and steps away.

"You're sure you won't join us?" Blaine asks as he laces up his shoes by the door.

"Oh, I'm sure. You two should get a chance to hang out. Besides, he can't bitch about what a slave driver your boyfriend is, if said boyfriend is sitting across the table from him," I wink at him and walk over, gently pushing him closer to the door. "Go, enjoy your brunch with your best friend."

"Fine, I'll give him an ear to whine to," Blaine replies as if it will be a great sacrifice. "But, not without a kiss first!" Blaine fists the front of my shirt and pulls me toward him. I go eagerly and wrap my arms around his neck. His lips are firm and demanding and I melt into the kiss. When he latches his lips to my neck and sucks gently, I feel my knees start to give out.

"Go, now," I whisper, "So that you can come back sooner and we can spend the rest of the day naked in bed."

"Yes, yes, love that plan," Blaine moans into my ear.

"And I love you, now go," I tell him and take a small step backward.

"Love you too," Blaine replies and then shuts the door behind him. The second it clicks, my phone rings loudly in the empty apartment and I smile at the sound of my Dad's ringtone. I grab my coffee cup and phone off the counter and make my way toward the couch.

"Hey Dad," I greet him with as much cheer as I can muster this early on a Sunday morning.

"Hey Bud, you alone?"

"Yep, he just left to meet Nick for brunch. Good timing," I confirm as I nestle myself deeper into Blaine's green couch. Plans to reupholster it already running through my head because there has never been a more comfortable couch but the colour will most definitely not work with my interior decorating scheme.

"How's everything going?" my Dad asks simply.

"Um, by  _everything_  do you mean the show? Or the apartment plans? Or Rachel auditioning for Broadway? Or Blaine? I have way too much going on right now. I'm going to need some more direct questioning," I reply, keeping my tone light and taking a much needed sip of my coffee.

"Yeah, I guess you do," my Dad says and I can hear the chuckle in his voice. "Well, why don't we take them one at a time. How's the show?"

"The show is great. I can't believe we're already halfway through the run. I feel like the six weeks of performances isn't enough after all the work we put in to get ready. But I know that we need to keep changing the production. It's the only way to keep industry people coming back again and for the cast to get noticed. I've already started making plans for our next show. I'm choosing one with a single female lead," I tell him and take a deep breath.

"Well, that seems like a good segue into asking about Rachel and the auditions," my Dad says and I can hear the hesitation in his voice.

"It's okay, Dad, really," I reassure him and me. "I made my choice a long time ago and I'm comfortable with it. Sure, there's a little bit of jealousy at the thought of her headlining a Broadway show so soon. But I will be in the front row, cheering her on. It's all good," I say with confidence. And I'm sure my high school self would have shredded my favourite sweater in rage at being so content with the backstage role I've grown into.

My Dad breaks through my reverie, "I'm so proud of you," he says with a small hitch in his voice. "I don't think I tell you that enough. I mean, I would have been proud of you if you had fought your way to the spotlight, too. But this role you have now, to manage the productions at the theatre and really working hard at making other people's dreams of stardom come true. I feel like you've really come into your own, Kurt."

"Oh Dad," I say blushing at the compliments. "I know you are. And honestly, I'm pretty proud of me too."

My Dad laughs heartily at my response. It contains the right amount of diva that I just refuse to let go of. And getting to still be on stage helps with that balance. I smile as I remember Blaine's line, from opening night, about how my Officer Krupke brought the house down. Those small roles, are enough to keep my longing for the spotlight at a manageable level.

"I'm sorry we haven't made it over there for any of your shows. We are long overdue for a visit to New York," my Dad says sadly.

"It's okay, Dad. We all have busy lives. When Rachel lands the role of Fanny, I think it would mean a lot to her if you guys came to see it," I suggest and leave the definition of 'we' open.

But of course my Dad doesn't miss a thing.

"I can't believe how certain you are that she's going to get that role. But you aren't the only one. Finn's already said that he'll be flying out to see it and that he hopes we'll come too," my Dad tells me.

"I think she'd be really happy to see all of you. And you could come see Blaine perform one night too," I suggest.

"Of course we would!" my Dad replies and seems almost offended that I may have thought they wouldn't.

"Whoa, easy there, Dad," I say laughing.

"I'm proud of him too. And seeing him perform would be my first stop. That kid did it all on his own and without ever giving up. I'm so happy that you guys found each other again. He's one of the good ones," my Dad tells me with a happy sigh.

"I know he is Dad. I don't have any plans of letting him go again," I pause and take a deep breath, "ever."

"I'm glad you sorted out whatever was causing you so much stress at Christmas. How are the plans for the new place going?" my Dad asks. I'm always so grateful that he doesn't push for more details about my meltdown over New Year's. He knows Blaine and I took a small break but that we came back together even stronger than before. And that's all he wanted to know.

"The plans are good. I'm picking up the keys in a couple of weeks. I just hope Blaine isn't mad," I say, the first signs of insecurity seeping into my voice.

"Why would he be mad?"

"Well, I went ahead and did all this without him knowing. I mean, my intentions are pure and sweet and, in my head, very romantic," I say, "but what if he wanted to find a place together or in a different neighbourhood!"

"Kurt, don't go second guessing yourself now. Knowing the two of you, he will think it's very romantic. And you've said a hundred times that the location is perfect for where you both work. Plus the rent is actually reasonable considering it's in Manhattan. You can't tell me that you aren't excited to be living back in the thick of it all," my Dad teases me.

"Yeah, moving out to Brooklyn on my own years ago was the right decision at the time, but I'm losing way too many hours with the commute now. We're spending more and more time at Blaine's apartment," I reply with ease. I never thought the day would come when I could talk to my Dad about sleeping at my boyfriend's apartment without blushing.

"So there ya go. It's going to be great," my Dad says matter-of-factly and I envy his confidence in my decision.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Any time, Bud. Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye." I put down my phone and swallow the last of my coffee. I plug my ipod into Blaine's stereo, adjust the volume so it can be heard in the bedroom, and slowly strip off my pyjamas, leaving them near the couch, for Blaine to see when he arrives back home from brunch.

* * *

"He's here again," I tell Blaine in a hushed whisper as we settle into a table near the stage at  _The Dreamer's Lounge_. He's due on that very stage shortly.

"Who's here?" Blaine asks, his eyes darting nervously around the crowded room.

"That guy I told you I've seen here a couple of times. The one who usually has a notebook." I look pointedly in the direction that the guy is sitting, so that Blaine can follow my gaze. "Of course, tonight he looks more like just some guy here to enjoy the music. But I swear he usually wears a business suit."

I watch Blaine watching the guy. There's more curiosity than anxiety in his face and I'm sure I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

"Come on, let's not worry about that," I say, to get his attention again. "I'm hear to enjoy a stress free night of watching my gorgeous boyfriend sing to me, um, I mean, sing for a receptive audience," I tease and lean over and kiss his cheek quickly.

"I'm always singing for you," Blaine replies with such an earnest look in his eyes that my heart skips a beat.

"I know you are," I say and take his hand in mine. "Now that  _West Side Story_  is wrapped, I plan to be here every night."

"Well then, I better bring my A game," Blaine jokes as he stands up.

"You always do, baby," I reassure him and kiss him fully on the lips. "Break a leg!"

"You too!" He responds with a cheeky grin and a wink as I try to ask him what he means by that, but he's already stepping up the stairs at the side of the stage. I have an uneasy feeling in my stomach as he crosses the stage and settles himself onto the piano bench.

"Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm Blaine Anderson and I'll be your entertainment for this evening. I play an eclectic mix of songs, including some of my own, but if you have any special requests, please feel free to let me know." Blaine finishes his introduction with a flourish of notes on the piano and then immediately leads into  _Piano Man_. A tried and true classic that is perfectly suited to his voice, if I do say so myself.

The end of each song is met with an enthusiastic round of applause and my heart swells with pride. He was born to perform. He was absolutely right about not wanting to be someone else on stage after high school. Even when he's singing words written by someone else, he makes them his own. I can hear the tempo changes and the emphasis placed in different moments and suddenly songs I've heard a hundred times before sound new. And when he moves onto the songs I know he's composed himself, there is no change in the quality or the confidence with which he sings them. If I didn't know they were his, I'd think it was just another song in his impressive repertoire.

As he finishes the last notes of  _You're My Best Friend_  I can see him shift on the piano bench and turn to face the audience again. The uneasy feeling in my stomach returns quickly.

"Thank you," Blaine says to the audience, acknowledging yet another round of applause. "Now I'm going to mix it up a bit and ask my best friend, who also happens to be the love of my life, to join me on stage for an impromptu duet. Kurt, would you do me the honour of singing with me tonight?"

I shoot him one quick death glare, before the audience follows his gaze and claps loudly when my hesitation to stand up becomes noticeable.

"You'll have to excuse his shyness, I did just spring this on him," Blaine says somewhat apologetically, although I don't miss the playful glint in his golden eyes.

"And what shall we sing?" I ask with a forced joyfulness as I approach him on stage.

"Oh don't you worry, I have the perfect song in mind," Blaine replies as he slides over on the piano bench and pats the now vacant spot beside him. Then his hands return to the keys and he plays the opening notes to the song he's chosen. It's not typically sung as a duet, but it is a song we've sung a couple times lately, dancing around the apartment together in our pyjamas. I can't help but smile and I'm no longer faking the joy.

" _You make me feel so young,_ " Blaine sings and I happily reply, " _You make me feel there are songs to be sung._ "

We join our voices together seamlessly for, " _Bells to be rung and a wonderful fling to be flung._ "

Blaine's hands never miss a note but he stares directly at me when he sings, " _And even when I'm old and gray._ "

I echo his sentiment, " _When I'm old and gray._ "

" _I'm gonna feel the way, I,_ " Blaine sings and I join him for the end of the line, " _do today._ "

" _Because, you make me feel so young_ ," we sing out together. The rest of the song is an easy flow of playful looks and traded off lines. By the end, I'm smiling so wide that my cheeks hurt and I fling my arms around Blaine before I even remember that there's an audience watching us. Their loud applause breaks through though and I ease out of Blaine's embrace. I stand and bow comically before scurrying off the stage.

The rest of Blaine's set goes by quickly and thankfully, without anything further required from me. I'm quite happy to stay in the audience and cheer him on. The audience gives him a standing ovation when he finishes and I can see the look of utter shock on his face and the tell tale sign of watery eyes as he bows deeply and exits the stage toward me.

"They've never, I've never gotten, a standing ovation, just, wow!" Blaine trips over his words as he collapses into my waiting arms.

"You were incredible tonight," I say and nuzzle my face into his sweaty neck, inhaling deeply. "I mean, you're always incredible, but tonight was even more amazing. You were born to be on that stage."

There is the sound of someone not so subtly clearing their throat from behind me and we pull apart quickly. I feel my body tense involuntarily, preparing for a homophobic slur and I hate that I still worry about that, all these years later. But then I guess, it never sort of leaves you. Even here in New York. I can feel Blaine tense beside me as well. I reach out and link our hands. Neither of us has to ever face the hate alone again.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but it's late and I didn't want to miss this chance to speak with Mr. Anderson," the voice is polite and kind and I can feel the tension fade away.

I turn around to see who has spoken, and I'm so shocked that I blurt out, "It's you!" before I can stop myself.

The guy I've seen here so many times before, is now standing in front of us with a quizzical look.

"I'm sorry," I say quickly. "It's just that I've seen you here before." Now that he's within arms reach, I can see that he's older than I first thought, probably approaching forty. He wears his blond hair short and his brown eyes are looking warmly at both of us. His leather jacket is well worn but clearly of high quality. I recognize the shirt underneath as being  _Marc Jacobs_  and I instantly approve of his style choices.

"Ah, yes, I've been coming off and on for a few months to watch Mr. Anderson perform, especially once he started using his own material," the man tells us and then turns to look directly at Blaine. "Would you mind if we spoke for a few minutes? I promise I won't take up much of your time."

"That would be, uh, sure," Blaine replies with a shrug and an apologetic look in my direction.

"I'll wait for you over at the bar," I say quietly and squeeze Blaine's hand reassuringly before I let go and walk away. I climb onto a stool at the bar, angled so that I can keep an eye on Blaine and the mysterious gentleman. I don't imagine that he's saying anything inappropriate, given that Blaine looks very pleased with what he's being told. But it doesn't hurt to make sure that he isn't making my boyfriend uncomfortable in any way. I have no problem interrupting them, if Blaine needs me to.

Twenty minutes later, an obviously elated Blaine is making his way toward me and the man responsible for that look on his face is making his way toward the exit.

As soon as Blaine can reach, he grabs me off the barstool, and easily swings me around, as if I'm not three inches taller than him.

"Hey there, put me down!" I protest weakly, as a laugh escapes from my lips.

"Kurt, the most amazing thing just happened!" Blaine tells me as he places me gently back on my feet. "That guy, Lou, his name is Lou. He owns a small talent agency for musicians. Here, look," Blaine rushes all his words out and then thrusts a business card toward me.

I take the card and read the neatly typed words:

_Lou Harper, Manager_

_Songbird Talent Agency_

"Blaine, this is incredible! You have to sign with him," I say immediately, bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet. "Just look at the name of his agency. It couldn't be closer to Warbler if he tried. That has to mean something!"

"Yeah, I noticed that too," Blaine says with a huge smile. "But not so fast, Kurt. It doesn't work like that. He just said that he was interested in hearing more of my own stuff and that when I was ready, I could send him my demo."

"Oh, babe, that's still amazing!" I gather him in my arms and hold on tight.

"I know," Blaine whispers brokenly into my ear.

I hold him tighter and guide us slowly toward a darkened corner, as his body gently shakes against mine. And I know now that this is the moment I've been waiting for. The dream I thought I was going to have to push him toward, is sitting right in front of him, he just has to reach out and take it.

As he pulls away, I gently wipe the tears from his cheeks. He smiles at me and I take his hand and start pulling him toward the front door. "There's somewhere we need to go."

"Now? Kurt, it's almost two in the morning," Blaine squawks in surprise.

"I know. Now hush, because there is something I need to show you and this is the perfect time," I reassure him with a quick peck on the lips. I grab our coats from behind the bar and then tug him into the New York night air.

He doesn't question me further, but I suspect that's because we're heading directly toward his apartment building and maybe he thinks my enthusiasm is for celebratory sex. Hopefully he isn't disappointed by my actual surprise.

When we step onto the elevator of the building and I press 5 instead of 3, Blaine looks at me as if I've completely lost my mind, but I just smile and mouth "trust me" as the doors slide closed and we begin our ascent. We step off the elevator and into the hallway. There are fewer doors on this floor because the apartments are larger up here. I stop in front of 514 and insert the key into the deadbolt. Blaine's curiosity gets the better of him and he breaks our silence.

"Um, Kurt, why do you have a key to someone else's apartment, in my building?"

"Because," I begin to reply as I push the door open and step inside, "this is my apartment. Well, actually, our apartment. If you'll agree to move in with me?" My stomach is suddenly queasy and I can't look at Blaine. I study the well worn wooden floor instead and hold my breath until he answers me. I had been so sure of his response that I hadn't even considered what I would do if he said no. I've already given notice on my apartment and it would be super creepy for me to live two floors above him if he didn't want to live together.

"Kurt," he says my name softly but I can't stop the thoughts that have taken over my head. I see his feet come into view before I feel his hands on my arms. He shakes me gently, "Look at me, please."

Here goes.

I lift my eyes and meet his honey golden gaze. I see that there are new tear tracks on his face and I would be worried all over again, except the size of his smile is sort of a give away about what he's about to say. "I don't know when you did this, or how, but I don't even care. This night just keeps getting better. An apartment of our own!" Blaine says all of this and the smile never leaves his face.

Now that it's not a secret any more and I don't have to worry about his response, all the details come tumbling out. "One night when we came home, I saw a flyer advertising a two bedroom apartment in this building and I ripped it down and called your landlord the next day. I know we've been sharing apartments just fine, but I'm sick of the commute. I never thought I'd live in Manhattan again, but with your late night gigs, I don't want to have to take the train. And I don't want to spend nights apart. Plus, the rent on this apartment is actually less than what we're paying combined, so I was thinking you could quit your train conductor job and focus on your music full time. And then Lou approached you tonight, and I just knew I needed to show this place to you right away. I was going to plan a date night and then bring you here instead for a picnic on the floor. But, well, this seemed like better timing. I hope that's okay?"

"Kurt, this is the most romantic thing you've ever done. Usually I'm the one with the grand gestures and well, I'm actually speechless. Okay, that's a lie, I have just one question?" Blaine pauses, flings himself into my arms and we both tumble gracelessly but full of giggles onto the floor. Once I stop squealing in shock and joy, he fits our bodies together and then pecks me on the lips, "When," kiss "do" kiss "we" kiss "move" kiss "in?"

* * *

**Chapter 19 Notes:**  Song lyrics are from "You Make Me Feel So Young" by Frank Sinatra. Thanks for reading :)


	20. The Question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter! Grateful author's note at the end. Enjoy :)

**Chapter 20 - The Question**

"KURT! KURT! Where are you?"

Blaine bursts into the quiet of our apartment yelling frantically for me. My first thought is that he's hurt. I jump up from our bed, where I was reading the script for  _Spring Awakening_ , my latest production for  _The Mechanicals Theatre_. The suddenness of my movement sends the pages flying around me like angry butterflies. I attempt to grab the pages and when that fails, I try to avoid crumpling them, which leads to me tangling my feet in our sky blue quilt. I fall gracelessly onto the hardwood floor with a loud thud.

"Dammit, I'm in here," I manage to say from my spot on the floor.

"What are you doing on the floor, Kurt?" Blaine asks as he saunters into the bedroom, the picture of calm. I am at least relieved to see that he isn't hurt.

"Well, someone came into the apartment as if they were dying or the building was on fire. In my haste to come rescue you, I tripped and this is where I ended up. So please, tell me what was worth me bruising my ass for?" I look up at him expectantly.

Blaine reaches down, pulls me to my feet and into a bone crushing hug. The hug is quickly followed by an enthusiastic, and sloppy, kiss.

"Sorry you hurt your beautiful ass," Blaine teases and rubs his hand down my lower back and over the sore spot, "but the most amazing thing happened!" Once he's done groping me, Blaine takes my hand and leads me over to the bed. "After my set tonight, this guy came up to me and offered to buy me a drink."

"Blaine, this had better end with you politely declining and coming home to me, to gush about how you're super excited about the fact that other guys still find you attractive but you're completely in love with me," I blurt out, suddenly feeling way more anxious than I'm comfortable admitting to myself.

"Whoa, Kurt. Do you seriously worry about that? Cause that isn't where this story is going, but I feel like we need to talk about any concerns you have about this," Blaine replies with a shaky breath.

I scoot closer to him on the bed and squeeze his leg. "No, I don't. I was, mostly, joking. I know other guys are going to hit on you. You're gorgeous."

"Kuuuurrrrrt," Blaine purrs out my name with an appropriate mixture of flattery and embarrassment. He closes his eyes and drops his head downward, an action I've come to adore. He is bashful enough to know that he should protest the compliment but endearing enough to know it would be rude. So he bows his head and accepts it as gracefully as he can.

"No, Blaine, hear me out. You are gorgeous and talented and it's only natural other guys are going to try and sweet talk you. One day, there will be a ring on your finger," I say and then pause because I know in my heart that's where we're heading but we haven't discussed it. I meet Blaine's eyes, that are now shimmering with tears, and he gives me a simple nod. That's all the confirmation I need. "So yeah, until that ring is there, showing the world that you're mine, and I'm yours, I know there will be other guys. But I also know that you have loved me from the first day we met and that is never going to change. When I said that I hoped you had declined his offer, I was joking around. My peaceful night of reading on our bed, waiting for you to come home, was rudely interrupted by a fall to the floor, so you'll have to excuse my crazy reaction and get back to telling me your news," I finish and bump our shoulders together.

"I love you, and your crazy," Blaine says first and captures my lips.

I gladly melt into the kiss and push him onto his back on our bed. His hands roam freely under my t-shirt and I rake my fingers through his lightly gelled curls.

"If you keep doing that, I'm going to forget my news," Blaine gasps between kisses as I eagerly suck a red mark into his collarbone.

"Well, we can't have that," I reply with a final nip at his neck and roll off of him. I lay down beside him and turn so that we are face to face.

"So before I was wonderfully interrupted," Blaine teases with a wink, "I was about to tell you that I booked a gig."

"Really? That's, wow, that's great! What is it?"

"Well, it turns out that the guy who offered to buy me a drink is planning a surprise fortieth birthday celebration for his wife. They've seen me perform a couple of times and he asked if I was available for a private party," Blaine tells me with a far away look in his eyes, as if he still can't quite believe that someone would seek him out personally.

"Oh, so I shouldn't have worried about a single guy. But rather a couple wanting you to participate in their 'private party'?" I tease with air quotes and a salacious wink.

"Kurt, you are too much!" Blaine says and tickles me senseless. "I assure you, you're the only guest that I ever want at that kind of party." He quickly proves his point by thrusting his hand inside my yoga pants and stroking me to hardness.

"Looks like we're having a party," I moan and eagerly thrust upward into his hand.

* * *

"KURT! KURT! Where are you?"

_Why does this keep happening?_  I mutter to myself, as Rachel shrieks from backstage and it echoes around the empty theatre.

This time though, I carefully stand up from my desk chair to ensure I don't fall to the floor. Even if Rachel is hurt, my bruised behind cannot handle another clumsy episode.

"I'm coming!" I shout in response as I leave the sanctuary of my office and head toward the stage.

Rachel must have determined my location because I'm barely through my doorway before I have an armful of my vibrating best friend.

"I got it! I'm going to be Fanny! Kurt, Kurt, I got it!" Rachel babbles her happy news between tears and squeals and lots of energetic bouncing.

"Of course you are!" I tell her, having never once doubted that the role was hers for the taking. I maneuver us back into my office and onto the couch.

"Pinch me, please?" Rachel asks, once she's seated.

My initial reaction is to scoff and roll my eyes but then I look more closely at her and I see that her big brown eyes are wider than I've ever seen them before. I realize it is the look of a person whose biggest dream is within her reach and she can't believe that's it's happening to her. That someone else has deemed her as worthy as she always saw herself being. Because no matter how sure we are, no matter how confident we may be, so many dreams require the consent of others. And this was the biggest, craziest, wildest one she had ever dared to dream.

So, because I am an amazing friend, I do exactly what she asked.

"Ouch!" she squawks and smacks my arm.

"What was that for? You asked me to pinch you and I did!" I smile wickedly, because I know full well that I got in a very good pinch. "You should be thanking me, no way you could have slept through that one."

"Dream or not, this is the best feeling in the world!" Rachel says as she dissolves into a round of joyous giggles. "I'm staring in  _Funny Girl_  on Broadway. I just, Kurt, thank you!"

"Thank me?" I ask puzzled. "I didn't do anything."

"Yes you did. You kept me working toward my dream. After we graduated, if it hadn't been for this theatre, I would have been waiting tables and attending every bit part audition I could find. Being part of this theatre, gave me the experience I needed for them to take me seriously at the auditions and it gave me practice conquering my nerves, so I could blow them away," Rachel finishes and grabs my hands. "Being part of something special, makes you special. And what you've created here, is amazing Kurt. I know you dreamed of Broadway too, and I know you made a different choice. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you helped my dream come true and thank you. I love you." Rachel finishes with a big sigh and quick kiss to my cheek.

"Oh Rach, I love you too. And thank you," I say and smile warmly. "I don't know where our diva-selves from high school went, but I think I'm pretty proud of both of us. You never would have acknowledged that anyone else helped you before. You would have said it was all you and your talent. But you're right,  _we_  created something special here and I'm so happy to be a part of it all. You're only the first of many success stories from our little theatre, I can just feel it."

"And now all your other actors will have a chance to shine, since I won't be eclipsing them with my talent!" Rachel tells me earnestly.

"Oh, there she is!" I reply with a laugh. "I should have known the diva was still in there."

"Of course!" Rachel jokes, "But I promise I have her under control now."

"I know you do. Although, I do think she should get a moment to bask on stage," I tell her. "She is a lead on Broadway, after all!"

"Don't you worry, she is going to stand in the spotlight and know that nothing anyone said stopped me from getting there," Rachel says with determination. I can see the scars from high school healing right before my eyes.

"Have you told anyone else yet?" I ask curiously.

"Just my dads and you," Rachel says, suddenly quiet and looking guiltily into her lap.

"Rach, what's going on?" I ask and reach forward to grab her hands that she is now twisting around each other anxiously.

"I know who I want to tell next," Rachel whispers without looking up.

I know, too. I don't say anything out loud, giving her a chance to overcome whatever guilt she is feeling. It's a situation I find myself working hard to stay out of. Much like Nick and Harmony navigated their way through being best friends with a couple who was fighting, I know better than to comment carelessly on any relationship between my best friend and my brother. Finn and Rachel each made their choices a long time ago, just like I had made mine about Blaine.  _And we all know how foolish my choice was!_  I think it's only natural that they would be questioning their own now. But the only reason I even know they're talking is because Finn accidentally sent me a text that was suppose to be for Rachel. I think I should be grateful they're still in the getting to know you again phase, so it was an innocent text. He'll need to be a lot more careful if they become something more. I definitely do not need to receive a sext from my brother.

"You know, don't you?" Rachel suddenly asks.

I guess my silence was telling. I simply nod my head.

"He told you?" Rachel asks, more out of curiosity than animosity, I think by her tone.

"Not on purpose. In true Finn fashion, he accidentally sent me a text that was intended for you. It was easy to get him to tell me after that," I pause and wait for her to look at me. "But why didn't you tell me?"

Rachel sighs softly and looks away. "I thought I was being greedy. A long time ago, it felt like I couldn't have both. It was either my love for Broadway or my love for Finn. And I made my choice." I hear the catch in her voice on the last words, before she continues. "It was the right choice. It still is, I think. But now that we're talking again. I don't know anymore. I know he can't or won't ever move to New York, but…" her voice trails off and she looks at me helplessly.

"I get it," I tell her and wrap an arm around her shoulder. She curls herself into my chest. "You still love him." I feel her nod.

"When I found out you two were talking again, I promised myself I wouldn't get involved. But I will say that he had a girlfriend when I was home for Christmas, but I know they broke up when he wasn't ready to get as serious as she was. I wondered about why he was holding back, but I get it now. He still loves you, and I don't know what that means for either of you," I pause and squeeze her tighter. "I know that if Blaine had contacted me before he was in New York, I would have been even more afraid of making the same mistakes from the past than I was over Christmas. But I also know, I wouldn't want to let him out of my life again."

"I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner. I should have known that you would understand," Rachel says quietly.

"It's okay. I get why you'd want to keep it to yourself. Just so you know, I don't think you're being greedy, Rach, love doesn't work like that. You went your separate ways when you needed to but the love was still there. It's okay to want to see what happens now," I tell her with a soft kiss to her head. We settle into a comfortable silence, both of us content to think about all the dreams we've already achieved and all the ones we're still holding on to.

* * *

The next year passes in a blur of chocolate hearts, blown out candle wishes, wrapping paper messes, and turkey dinners. And then, before any of us can believe it, it's Rachel's opening night. The people who live in the periphery of our lives have all descended on New York City. It has been non-stop lunch and dinner dates, and hours of reminiscing. Everything looks sunnier through the rose tinted glasses of success and I don't find the memories of high school cause my heart to throb quite as much as they used to.

Of course, it's much easier to look backward while Blaine is tucked comfortably against me at each one of these reunions. Anyone who missed the Facebook status updates about our relationship, claims they aren't even surprised that the two of us would find each other on an island of almost 2 million people. And they all politely look away when we get lost in each other's gaze and kiss for a heart beat longer than is appropriate when dining with others.

Today, however, there will be no lingering kisses, because today my best friend has her opening night on Broadway and I'm determined to make it the best day of her life. Which is why I'm currently letting myself into her apartment with lukewarm tea and bagels from Rachel's favourite bakery.

The moment I open the door to a quiet apartment, I should have known something was wrong. Every single morning, Rachel hops out of bed and immediately starts filling the apartment with her vocal exercises. I would know, having lived with her for a couple years in college. Blaine mocks me now when I insist on whispering first thing every morning. My brain grateful for the quiet, peaceful beginning to the day, rather than being jolted awake by a high F.

"Rach?" I call out as I place our breakfast on her small bistro table.

"Go away," comes the not so welcoming response from her bedroom.

"Rach, I have temperature appropriate tea and bagels. What's going on?" I ask as I approach her open bedroom door. The other thing I am all too familiar with after years of living together is seeing Rachel in numerous states of undress, which is why I don't even hesitate before stepping fully into her bedroom.

She takes one look at me standing in her doorway and then buries herself further under her duvet. A muffled, "I'm not getting out of bed" slowly makes it's way across the room.

"What the hell Rach? It's your opening night!" I screech, flinching at the sound of my own indignation. Then I stomp over to her bed and yank the blanket backward.

Her protest is meek as she buries her face into her pillow and rolls onto her stomach. I'm tempted to smack her ass to get her moving, but recall a drunken incident of her grabbing mine on a dance floor and me jumping sky high, as if she'd branded me. So I keep my hands to myself and sit down beside her rigid form.

"What is this about? You've been waiting for this night for your entire life. Do you have cold feet?" I inquire softly.

"I'm not getting married, Kurt," Rachel replies sarcastically with a slight turn of her head before burying it deep again in the depths of fluff.

"Fine. But is it nerves? Cause I've never seen you like this. I thought I'd be greeted by you running scales and vibrating with excitement. Where's the excitement, Rachel?" I ask and put my hand on her pajama clad shoulder and give it a gentle shake.

She sits up suddenly, causing my hand to fall off in surprise. She looks directly in my eyes, I see hers wide with fear and uncertainty and not a single glimmer of the star I know lives in there. It's terrifying. She holds my gaze for only a moment, before she grabs her blanket from the bottom of the bed, yanks it over her and hides underneath it again.

I sit in stunned silence. That one look told me all I need to know. I know I won't be able to do this alone, so I start to think about calling in reinforcements. Clearly Rachel is letting her self doubt run wild and she needs to be surrounded by people who love and support her no matter what. She needs the people who will still be here tomorrow, even if every reviewer says that  _Funny Girl_  should be shut down immediately because it is an embarrassment to Barbra herself.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and thumb through my contacts, my finger hovers over Harmony's number when I realize there is only one phone call I need to make. The one that Rachel is no doubt, too embarrassed to make herself because as much as so many things have changed, a few of the most important ones have remained the same.

Twenty minutes later, I'm ushering a flustered Finn into her apartment. I see him go slack jaw at the sight of her home. The one she went ahead and made without him. He glances slowly around, as if waiting for Rachel to jump out from behind the couch and tell him he is not welcome here. Of course, I'm pretty sure her reaction will be the exact opposite. I give him a hug, to calm both our nerves, and a quick rundown of what's going on. He nods thoughtfully as I ramble about Rachel buried beneath her comforter unwilling to grasp the dream within her reach tonight. I see determination take hold on his face, and his eyes zero in on her bedroom door. And I know then, I don't need to tell him what to do.

I make my way out of her apartment as he makes his way deeper in. All the anxiety leaves me easily as I walk the few blocks back to my own apartment, where I left a mess of warm, rumbled curls in bed. I know Rachel will be on stage tonight, exactly where she's suppose to be because Finn has always been the best one at talking her down from herself. I was a mere substitute for the last few years. In the same way that Rachel and Harmony were stand ins for Blaine. They are my best friends, but he is my soul mate.

* * *

The applause is deafening as the curtain drops at the end of Act One. Everyone around me starts to rise, but I quickly pull out my phone and fire off a one word text before joining the sea of bodies making their way toward the bathrooms and refreshment lines.

_To Rachel: Flawless! xo_

"This may be my first Broadway show but I know perfection when I see it. Am I right, or am I right, Kurt?" Dad asks me as soon as I catch up to them, all standing in a huddle, ready to compare notes.

"You're right, Dad. She's killing it," I confirm, beaming with pride.

"She's incredible," Finn whispers, mostly to himself. But no one misses it and we all nod knowingly and give him a moment to let it all sink in.

"I'm actually kind of embarrassed to have you all come and see me perform tomorrow night. How do I compete with Rachel Berry, natural born Broadway star?" Blaine stammers from his spot beside me and shuffles his feet anxiously.

"Believe me," I start and wrap my arm protectively around his shoulder, "you are equally as talented at making the stage your own."

"Yeah Bud, no comparisons. You're all incredible at what you do. And honestly, I'm looking forward to kicking back in my jeans and drinking a beer while you sing." My Dad tells him and then begins to pull at his tie and shift uncomfortably in his suit.

"I think you look very handsome tonight," Carole tells my Dad with a quick kiss to his cheek and a swat at his fingers still messing around with his tie. I smile in response, grateful that they have each other.

The lights flash off and on, to signal the end of intermission. As we make our way back to our seats, Finn pulls me aside.

"Rachel said the last song is for me," he tells me in a hurried whisper. "Do you know what song it is?" I can see the anxiety in his eyes, the worry that she's about to deliver some message that he isn't sure he's ready to hear. Or worse, that he doesn't want to hear. And to do it publicly at that.

My mind sings through the entire repertoire of  _Funny Girl_  and I hear the echo of Rachel rehearsing in my head, I nod and squeeze his arm reassuringly. "I do, and it's perfect!"

We shuffle back to our seats and Blaine greets me with a quick peck and quizzical look to make sure that everything is okay. I nod and smile my reassurance.

The second half of the show feels even faster than the first and I think we're all holding our breath for the end, when we can stand to our feet and applaud our friend. But first, there is the final song during which she shares every ounce of herself with us. I hear Finn inhale sharply when he realizes that she's singing  _Who Are You Now?_  with real tears shining in her eyes, just for him. I fight the urge to hold him in his seat. Flashbacks of their on-stage kiss that ruined our first shot at Nationals cloud my vision. Thankfully, out of the corner of my eye, I see that he is too transfixed to move a muscle.

_Who are you now?_

_Now that you're mine?_

_Are you something more_

_Than you were before?_

_Are you warmer in the rain,_

_Are you stronger for my touch,_

_Am I giving too little_

_By my lovin' you too much?_

_How is the view,_

_Sunny and green?_

_How do you compare it to_

_The views you've seen?_

_I know I am better, braver and surer too,_

_But you-are you now-_

_Who are you now?_

_Are you someone better for my love?_

Blaine squeezes my hand, where it's been resting on my thigh and I turn it palm up so that we can link our fingers together. I desperately want to answer  _Yes_  to all the questions. To tell Blaine that I am always better for his love. I gently run my finger along the soft skin just below the knuckle of his ring finger, imagining the day when cool metal greets my touch.

* * *

The next night my Dad stops as we enter  _The Dreamers Lounge_  and smacks Blaine on the back, "This place is great, kid. Exactly like I pictured it."

"Thanks, Burt," Blaine says quietly, as he stands staring at the stage as if he's never seen it before.

"Quit it with the nerves," my Dad chastises him. "It's going to be perfect!"

"Of course it is," I say, taking Blaine's hand and pulling him forward, since he seems hesitant to enter fully. "Are you okay? I've never seen you this anxious about performing before."

Blaine turns to face me. I suddenly feel naked. It's as if he's looking at me for the very first time. His eyes are blazing and when he takes my hand, I feel a tremor of nerves travel from his body to mine. "I'm wonderful, and I love you," he tells me and then moves in close for a gentle kiss.

"I love you, too," I say breathlessly. I don't know how he does it, but even that simple declaration has stolen my heart.

"Go sit with your family, I'm going to go get ready," Blaine says quickly and then bounds away before I can even respond.

I walk over and take a seat between my Dad and Harmony. "I don't know what's wrong," I say quietly. "I've never seen him this nervous. He sings in front of dozens of people each week."

I see my Dad and Harmony glance at each other quickly and smile. I suddenly feel like I'm missing something, but before I can grill them, Blaine steps out on stage and takes a seat at the piano.

Clearly his nerves were a good motivator, because he plays passionately tonight. The first half of the set is a wonderful mix of songs my Dad loves from  _The Beatles_  and Frank Sinatra with a few Blaine Anderson originals thrown in. There is an obvious shift in tone as the second half of his performance begins and it takes me a few songs to realize what's happening. He starts with  _Teenage Dream_ , followed by  _Hey There Beautiful_ ,  _It's Time_ , and  _Your Body is a Wonderland_. By the time he sings  _By My Side_  and  _Just Give Me a Reason_ , I'm gripping my Dad's hand and holding my breath.

"Thank you," Blaine says as he acknowledges yet another round of applause from the audience. "And thank you all for indulging me a bit tonight. The last group of songs are very special to me and the story of my life. I hope that a certain someone out there in the audience knows that they were all played for him." Blaine pauses and finds me with his gaze. I nod enthusiastically and mouth 'I love you' to him. He smiles in return and starts to speak again, only this time, he's speaking just to me. "Now I'm going to play a new song. It's one I'm certain you've heard the melody to a hundred times already because I abruptly stop playing it as soon as I hear you arrive home. Of course, that's the risk of trying to write a super secret song for the person you live with. So in a handful of stolen moments, I poured my heart into this for you and you alone, Kurt."

_What would I do without your smart mouth?_

_Drawing me in, and you kicking me out_

_You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down_

_What's going on in that beautiful mind_

_I'm on your magical mystery ride_

_And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright_

_My head's under water_

_But I'm breathing fine_

_You're crazy and I'm out of my mind_

_'Cause all of me_

_Loves all of you_

_Love your curves and all your edges_

_All your perfect imperfections_

_Give your all to me_

_I'll give my all to you_

_You're my end and my beginning_

_Even when I lose I'm winning_

_'Cause I give you all of me_

_And you give me all of you, oh_

I know there is more to the song. I can see Blaine's fingers still dancing over the keys and his mouth moving gracefully as he literally gives his all to me. But I can't hear the specific words because my heart is pounding so loudly in my ears and my breathing is erratic. The anticipation builds and builds and when Blaine plays the final notes, I am pulled out of my seat by the shear force of his love and drawn to him onstage.

He stands from the piano bench as I approach and then drops to one knee. My heart skips a beat. Thankfully my feet move on their own and suddenly I'm standing right in front of him.

"Hi," he says quietly, just for me.

"Hi," I answer back with a watery smile.

He reaches forward and grasps my left hand. The spotlight catches the silver band in his other hand and I'm momentarily blinded. My other senses kick into overdrive. I feel his touch like a fire against my skin and the sound of his breathing matches perfectly with mine, and then I blink and everything feels calm. I look downward at him.

"Kurt, my heart sings for you every single day and I've always been better at putting my feelings into song lyrics than into spoken words, so I hope you'll accept that song as your lyrical proposal. And I want to keep singing for you, for the rest of our lives. So Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?"

His eyes are a pool of gold, looking up at me as if I'm the greatest thing he's ever seen. I imagine my eyes are an ocean of blue, looking at him the same way. Without taking my left hand out of his grip, I use my right hand to reach into my pocket and pull out a small object and then drop to one knee directly in front of him.

I hear him chuckle softly.

"I had plans," I choke out between tears of joy, now freely flowing down my cheeks. I open my hand and show him the small silver band.

"Kurt," Blaine whispers, his own tears begin to fall but his smile is bright and clear and the biggest one I have ever seen. "I guess that's a yes?"

"Blaine, I was always going to say yes. To this question, to the next one and all the ones that come after," I tell him, as we both slip rings onto the other's hand with shaky fingers. I pull us to our feet and kiss him hard. When we break for air, I hear my Dad yell, "Bring out the champagne, we're celebrating! Those are my boys!"

I laugh into Blaine's shoulder and then turn my head to whisper in his ear, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It would be a dream come true."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 End Notes: Lyrics are from "Who Are You Now?" from Funny Girl and "All of Me" by John Legend.
> 
> To my amazing readers: Thank you for taking this long journey with me. I know it took time for this story to find its voice and I'm grateful for every word of encouragement that you sent me. You're the reason I kept going, even when it was a struggle. The epilogue will be posted tomorrow. It's a small glimpse of the future I envisioned for these characters. Love you all! xo


	21. The Answer (Epilogue)

**Chapter 21 (Epilogue) - The Answer**

"You need to go rescue your husband from himself. He's going to worry away the rest of this evening," Nick tells me as he twirls Harmony across my path and back onto the dance floor. The sparkle of her wedding band matches the look in her eyes as she smiles at me over Nick's shoulder.

I place my champagne glass on a table and head toward the corner of the hotel ballroom that Blaine has hidden himself in. As I approach, I take a moment to appreciate how handsome he looks in his tuxedo. Even after all these years, a single look at him gets my blood flowing southward and when he glances up from his phone, with his smile that is just for me, he takes my breath away.

"Put that phone away, Mr. Anderson-Hummel," I demand and slide confidently into his personal space.

"I'm worried I won't be able to hear it ringing over the music," Blaine tries to defend himself, but one look at me and I see him slipping it into his jacket pocket.

"Our spotlight stealing daughter danced her little heart out and is now safely tucked into my childhood bed, in my childhood home with her doting grandparents. And we, my husband, have the rest of the night to ourselves. Something that hasn't happened in a very long time. So you are going to leave your phone in your pocket and we are going to dance. And then later, if you're lucky," I wink and wrap an arm around his waist to pull him against me, "I will worship every inch of that gorgeous body you're hiding under that perfectly tailored tuxedo."

"Well, then it's a good thing that I'm the luckiest guy in the world," Blaine says with all seriousness as he takes my hand and spins me onto the dance floor.

We glide easily across the dance floor, weaving in between our friends, who are the last few couples remaining as the reception starts to wind down.

"This has been the best week," I say to Blaine and sigh in contentment, "I'm actually dreading going back to New York. Isn't that crazy?"

"Not crazy at all!" Blaine exclaims. "When was the last time we could spend this much time together as a family and with our friends. No one had rehearsals, or performances, or dance recitals to worry about. I'm not sure how New York has survived without us actually. But I know I've loved every second we've spent in Lima."

"Yeah, we've stolen away a handful of Broadway stars," I say with a nod of my head to where Nick and Harmony are dancing. "And let's not forget, New York's biggest solo musical act," I say with a kiss to Blaine's cheek. "It's amazing that we haven't been hounded to return!"

"I'm pretty sure the theatre community is waiting for you to bring back their next big thing," Blaine tells me. "What are the chances that three of Broadway's brightest stars would come from Ohio. And since you're credited with giving them, and so many others, their start, it would only make sense that a week in Ohio must be a talent search."

"I think they're all just hoping I change her mind," I say quietly, looking across the dance floor to where Finn carefully dances with his beaming bride.

"Then they don't know Rachel Berry, I mean, Rachel Hudson, at all, do they?" Blaine asks with a smile.

"No they really don't. There's no changing her mind. She had Broadway, and she even had movies, but all she ever really wanted was him. And now she can have that too," I say with a heart full of love for my best friend and my brother. The road to tonight was a hard fought one, but I have never seen either of them happier. Rachel has finally come home.

"It was always going to be her and him," Blaine says, reverently. "Just like it was always going to be me and you, right?" Blaine asks, with only a small moment of hesitation. I know he doesn't actually worry, that ten years into our own marriage, we are stronger than ever. But being back in Lima, and seeing how long it took for Finn and Rachel to get their happily ever after, it's sometimes hard to believe that we got ours already.

I pull him in tighter, our bodies slot together like two perfect puzzle pieces, and I put my lips at the outer shell of his ear. "You were in my dreams, even when you weren't in my life. It was always going to be you and me," I tell him with a soft catch in my voice and a gentle kiss to his neck. "And you make every moment of my life better than any dream I ever had." I rest my head on his shoulder and dance the rest of the night, the rest of my life, with him.


End file.
